Neil

I thought exactly this when the ref pointed to the spot. Come on man, we're essentially playing for pride at the moment. Let Tony tuck it home.

I see they must have finally updated their records and realised Seamus Coleman's contract doesn't run out this summer.

Right, I've got a whole £20 in my account. Today will be a good day. Positive thinking. Positive thinking. Fucking Man Utd.

Both teams will take that, I sense. For Barca, it confirms the league and ensures there won't be a grandstand finish. For Real, Mourinho will take heart from causing Barca problems - I haven't seen Barca want a game to end for quite a long time. Doesn't change my belief Barca will go through in the CL though. What were the possession stats? There were a fair few periods of 20-30 passes strung together by Pep's boys and that wouldn't have pleased the home faithful.

Has Anderson done anything productive at Man Utd?

What an absolutely abysmal challenge, man.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

What the hell is he on about? They stole that celebration from Poznan. It's not trademark Man fucking City.

Great save.

Carrick.

Lescott error to give United the win. And yes, that's United - in context.

Stuck a quid on every Football League fixture earlier and won £1,000,000,000. £8 on Man Utd, Valencia and Milan.

Well, they do say he produces the amazing.

How hasn't Berbatov scored?

Great save.

What noise does a transfer request make? The sound of Mackem tears hitting the ground. A transfer request for the whole of Africa.

Trust me not to put a bet on for the first Saturday in yoinks.

Need a win next week to keep their European charge alive.

"It's an absolute goal" says Kammy.

Injuries, bad luck, the weather, the grass, uncomfortable playing kit, an invisible swarm of locusts and ludicrously expensive half-time burger and chips.

Southampton score.

Wow, after no penalties all season, 2 in 3 games.

West Ham and Wigan win and Sunderland get beat and the Mackems are in a fair bit of trouble.

They'll win. They... won't. You'll bet on Barcelona then? Draw, 2-2.