Stottie

That's the Michael Caley expected goals. Understat's is pretty similar. Give us the penalty, which XG misses, and it's pretty much even stevens. Mourinho may have passed it off as one those "that's football" games, but they didn't really create that much more than us. They had four chances, the Martial 1 on 1, the Martial double shot, the Sanchez one, where a Yedlin touch forced him wide, and the Carrick toe poke at the end. The biggest chances of the game were Ritchie's, the pen we should have had, and the 1 on 1. They had more possession in danger areas, but we didn't let them create clear chances with it.

Super hapless goal conceded earlier on there by Southampton. The kind that sets all the warning lights flashing. Pards looks a goner and I still think Huddersfield have big problems. Our problem is simply profiting from our basic defensive solidity. For a team that rarely concedes more than one, our points total is very poor. It means that a slight attacking improvement, just an extra 1 in 2 or so from Kenedy and Slimani, can translate into significantly more points.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Goal from suspiciously like the set penis!

Borderline that, almost needless to say.

Can't we have a homer ref once in a while?

Testing the Mourinho doesn't win at SJP jinx/curse to the limit with that lineup. Slimani is going to be vital, so I understand not risking him, but what a poor set of options we have. Ritchie and Gayle have severely disappointed this season, so here is a chance for deliverance, I suppose. If its not looking likely, I hope we're still in it for Murphy to have a go.

This in a nutshell. Rafa's football is a bit dour, but on the odd occasion it breaks down and we have Benteke bearing down on our goal after the world's simplest throughball three minutes into a game, I understand why we set up the way we do. Give us the keeper and striker that Rafa wanted and I think we'd have had similar results to Burnley.

There's a fair chance Watford and Everton will be on the beach when we play them. I've mentioned it before, but remember the Fat Sam West Ham side Carver beat on the final day. They were woeful. Allardyce was on his way out then, and its developing that way at Everton too. Huddersfield play a lot of strugglers in their next few games. That might sound good, but they'll all still be fighting. Already safe or already relegated is best.

Just updating the stat With him Played – 20 Won – 6 Drew – 6 Lost – 9 Pts- 24 Goals 18–21 without Played – 5 Won – 0 Drew – 1 Lost – 4 Pts- 1 Goals 6:15 With him in the team, we are in so many games that even a small attacking boost from Kenedy and Slimani should translate into points.

Slimani hasn't had much of a chance for Leicester. He came in after they lost Kante and were trying to change their style. They did this by replacing Okazaki, who doesn't chip in much by way of goals and whose contribution is easily overlooked. This has proved to be a mistake and Okazaki is now back in the team.

Defence played well on the whole. We had no out ball for the final 50 minutes or so of the game, so it just kept coming back and they were constantly under the kosh. The pen was very soft and also should have been saved, but never mind. Credit our defence with saving the point. Without the momentum swing from the pen, we might well have held out for the win, given CP's play in the actual danger area. Some strange decisions regarding the team, Ritchie over Murphy, Kenedy off, and Hayden over Merino, especially since we didn't have an out ball. It looks like our hopes are all riding on Slimani. Having the ball stick up front will be massive.

Pards needs 16 points from 12 games just to get to 36. That's a tall order for any struggler, not just one managed by him.

Simon Bird reckons he can only play in ten games, missing the first two with injury and then the Leicester fixture, but yeah, one in two would pretty much get him there. Someone needs 7 to be our joint lowest top scorer in our history, so that record looks like it will be broken https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Newcastle_United_F.C._seasons Slimani looks quality, so hopes are high he'll take us from disastrously crap (18th) to acceptably crap (17th).

They're nearly bottom of the Championship form table, only two goals in their last six games. Maybe Colback can provide some killer assists, like that hoof that Rob Green dropped on one foot line.

I'll stick on rounding up to 5. We've wasted a lot of winnable fixtures. However, we've only conceded 9 in our last 8 games, fifth fewest in the league. Slimani and Kenedy could well be enough to get some wins, because the rest of the team is good enough for the 16/17th place trophy.

Youtube doesn't lie on this one, he's just like the highlight reel. Hope he can keep it up.

Bloody BBC didn't show it, but it certainly didn't look a corner on my river. Darlow didn't touch it. If we are going to be relegated again, I hope its for our own shitness, not for a combination of being one of many shit teams and losing decisions at the margins. Viduka non-goal, Norwich hand ball, etc. etc.

For straw clutching, he didn't look very happy in the press photo. Not that he's a smiley type to begin with. It's also inconceivable that Pardew and Carver will get the best out of him and his teammates. If Pards successfully sells Evans, they could still be in trouble. Shit defending is the easiest way to be relegated.

If you are prepared to pay enough, lots of players will be available. Its all about getting the deal done, which we are failing to do again and again.

I don't think it's willful either. Just a mix of doing it on a shoestring, ineptitude, and favouring yes men-type lackeys. Ashley has done untold damage to the club, so the net result is no joke.

Pardew and Carver chosen over Rafa. It can only be the clowns above Rafa at the club.

FFS, this club man.

According to Transfermarkt, his record in all comps in the past season and a half is Played 1707 minutes (19 games) Goals 10 Assists 6 This season, in the PL and Champions League only Played 514 minutes (5.5 games) Goals 3 Assists 3

One of the rare times we make a sensible move. Possibly the biggest since getting Rafa himself. Depending on the shape Sturridge is in, it mightn't work out, but all the pieces are there. Great manager, player with proven ability in this league, player who should be massively motivated with his last chance to play at the WC and to rejuvenate his career. Thumbs up from me. It'll be a joy just to see a striker put his foot through it. It's not something we've seen for a while.