Revolution Number 9

Top Dogs of the north east spending league like.

shud get dun on video evidens

Done.

Mysteriously disappeared? Looks like we finally found a use for Nile 'Gangsta' Ranger?

I think it was last year. Every time they went to Stoke, it was a new feral pack of kids. It was outstanding. Because they'd been eaten by the last bunch in some kind of Darwinian survival-of-the-fittest situation and only stopped long enough to watch the camera because the lense was shiny enough to distract them, aye I remember. They seem to have calmed down a bit this year though, do you think they've evolved?

True Mike, they've got new war chants and everything. They must have been finger painting the lyrics on the walls of their caves all year in preparation.

So you've gone from Sunderland to Stoke now then Mike? You must be the worst glory hunter ever.

If they have, he's probably asleep in the van.

Weapons-grade MILF

People are saying that our rivals are leaving us behind, since when? The teams around us are losing key players at the same rate they gain them as far as I can see like.

Think it's more Levy going back to his old dumping ground tbh.

De Jong's move completed, get out of our league you dirty bastard.

The transfer window is truly ablaze now like.

Not going through another deadline day like that again, I'll go down and shoot the fucker meself.

Danny Guthrie's bulked up a bit. It looks like someone took Michael Owen and multiplied him by 10.

Weaponised cheesy chips Don't forget those sharpened whese keys.

Tbh, Johnson wouldn't get in our team. Johnson plays on the right. We play Ben Arfa on the right. ...Aye, that pretty much settles that. As for Stephen Sessegnon the smartprice Hatem, he would have to replace one of our first choice midfielders and I'm fucked if I can tell which one.

Not sure which bit of that is funniest. Probably the first bit. Love it when they start doing the 'how many of our players would get in Newcastle's side' thing again, it's always funny as owt. Cuellar, O'Shea and Brown ffs, their collective age must be about a hundred.

Shit's goin down now.

I think Jonas actually physically can't get tired.

Wow, Ramires actually looks like he has some meat on his bones these days.

Unleash the Raylgun

Fuck, didn't notice he showboated that the first time. It's a good job he didn't get away with it or it would have been embarrassing as fuck.

Time for one of our amazing corners.

Great goal.