Revolution Number 9

Looks like Anita will end up being the first change we make if Tiote's non-injury was any indication. I would suggest hoying both the new lads on and seeing what they can do but we all know that's not usually Pardew's style.

Canny delivery from Simpson on his weak foot that.

Does he have to shoot every time he gets the ball there

Careful man Danny.

Ooooooh! Hatem man, what a beast.

Cards for their central midfielders is a canny boost.

If Tiote's not at 100% we need to change him, their midfield is dominating us at the moment.

Oh dear, Yellow for Simpson. At least Hatem did something mint.

Jonas how can someone so goofy have such good ball control.

Phew, they didn't half get lucky with that clearance like.

Ooooooh, bloody hell

Fucking SHITE

Fucking BOOM

Perch and his sliding spinning karate kick clearance.

Fucking thigh injury. I knew we should have stopped offering him our wives and girlfriends.

Guess it's obvious who's going to be last on MOTD tonight then.

http://www.google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://images.contactmusic.com/newsimages/plan_b_1390252.jpg&sa=X&ei=_rYvUNWhK8ip0QWhioHgDA&ved=0CAwQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGNqdJIvTsg2BEgRGfvhH5JQJGGng Can't see him doing much good anyway mate.

Can just see it now, "So Brendan, you've received some criticism over your team selections today. Why did you choose to leave Henderson on the bench behind Adam?" "Oh that's simple, Hendo's only a 75 overall while Adam is a 78, those three whole points could make all the difference you know!"

Be still my beating heart.

Was Ian Harte the one the mackems gave player of the season?

They bought Cattermole for £6m, didn't they? I'd love to know exactly what he's done to possibly double his valuation while he's been there.

I'm shitting myself for this one like, mainly because Paul Merson has predicted that we'll win. That's pretty much one step up from a Lawro prediction, really.

Martinez would end up as Hodgeson MKII anyway. Pretty much hounded out of the position before he even began. It would most likely be a completely pointless appointment and a waste of a season, which is why I fully endorse the idea.

Agent Bruce could do with another not-so-covert demolition job on a set of delusional mince pots... half the works done already even. It's like instant meltdown, just add Titus.

Am I the only one who's particularly concerned about Hicks and Gillett being put on the same tragedy pedestal as Heysel and Hillsborough here? Or did I miss the dark overlord racket they were secretly running from Mount Doom?