Hank Marvin

And now he's getting his Manhood Club. So shut the fuck up.

I'll be sure to run down the road and record it on my phone camera, whilst shouting: "MAHONEYS WAS RIGHT! YER NOT FIT T'WEAR THE SHIRT LAD!" ...in a scouse accent.

The Everton that exists now is the one that chases a 21 year old kid down the street demanding to know why he hasn't saved them from the collective incompetence of the owner, manager and rest of the playing squad. Context matters. I want him, I think he's got a lot of the qualities we're looking for, and I think Eddie has big plans for this lad - But this is getting mental. I hope we can get him out of there soon for both our sakes - The stuff I've heard coming out of some EFC fans mouths about the lad is bordering on the sinister, and it's got to be affecting him on some level. If Moshiri and his clown board have a functioning brain cell between them, then they'd surely realize that the sooner this gets done, the better - A £60 million price tag is lunacy and is only going to come back to haunt them if this falls through due to their spite. Having observed what's going on at Everton from a distance though, it wouldn't surprise me.

I think that the minority opinion is that he would be a good signing - I'm in good signing camp. Perhaps a few of us on that side feel like the over-zealousness to write this lad of before he's even joined is just depressing, especially taking into consideration who he'll be training under and the miracles EH has pulled off already. I know the crowd will overwhelmingly rally behind him if he signs - I just didn't think the whole 'he's a cunt' analysis was that productive or fair... Anyway, getting a lot of mixed messages from 'pundits' and social media alike about whether it's even going through, so no point getting massively worked up about it either way.

Then I'll be sure not to send you my critique of Heidegger.

Well, for starters, I don't think we should begin our relationship with a young, potential signing by calling him a cunt. I don't know...it's not very...hospitable. Regarding him as a player - I understand peoples reservations - It's a lot of money, within the confines of tightening FFP, for raw, impetuous, potential, in an area that isn't currently a pressing matter (Even though he could possibly play as a 10). I get the dislike based on his altercation with our players the last time we met, and I can understand how some people might not like how he carries himself on and off the pitch... I understand the concerns, but I don't share them. Truthfully...he excites me When I saw him getting in our face, when I saw him in the Merseyside derby, skinning defenders and shithousing his way right under Liverpools skin - It made me smile It reminded me of some of the fiery bastards that we've had here in the past (Most of which admittedly never fulfilled their potential). He wears his heart on his sleeve, has electric pace, an acid tongue, he's brash, smug, he gets right in peoples faces, he winds them up & aggravates the opposition...He's a livewire. Whether or not this livewire will electrify us, or electrocute us...time will tell. One big thing he has going for him is that Eddie Howe wants him - And I think whatever potential he has, EH & co will reveal it - And they must think there's something there to reveal, or they wouldn't be in for him at all. Given their track record with signings so far, I wouldn't bet against them. We're building a team of skillful, skulldugging, shithousing, street fighters - A team of irreverent bastards who don't care who you are, they're here for the points - And if the term 'irreverent bastard' can be applied to any player in the PL - Then it's Anthony Gordon. He is not the end product, but he is exactly in the mould of the player we're currently looking for. We're not spending on ready-made 100mill+ super stars who have shot their bolt - The blueprint is to spend on young, hungry, upcoming players that can grow with us as a team - Bruno, Sven, Alex, Garang - And Flash has been identified as the next target. I'm not going to change your mind if it's already made up, but I hope at least if he does join, then you'll get behind the lad. He's 21, he's a kid relatively speaking - And in the past week he's had a substantial section of his own clubs supporters turn on him, and a select few scumbags chase him down a street and surround his car demanding to know why he hasn't singlehandedly saved them from their collective incompetence. If we are to sign him, then our arms should be open. We should embrace him. He's a confidence player - And we're going to need to build his confidence back up as a fanbase if we're going to see the best of him. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth - The deal will probably fall through now I've written my fucking Anthony Gordon dissertation Whatever happens - If he signs - Then he becomes one of us - And I'll be backing the lad - Regardless of how many fucking bottles of peroxide he uses on his barnet - Hopefully we can all agree on that. Namaste.

If lacking quality in the final third is his problem, then it's a problem shared with the vast majority of our squad, who have years on him. This may fall through yet, who knows - But I think it would be a shame. He's not the end product by any stretch, there's a lot of potential - But if anyone is capable of making good on it, it's EH.

[Insert generic insult with the word 'cunt' here] That's what you want to hear right?

Fans before the signing... Fans a few months after the signing...

You missed the hyphen.

I guess being a cunt and being a great player aren't mutually exclusive then. And obviously being a precipitous, hyperbolic, reactionary and being a cunt certainly aren't.

There's a great player in there... If only we had someone who could turn young, raw, impetuous potential into a skinning, speed demon, shithouse winger...

Could work.

Newcastle United would be the making of Anthony Gordon. I saw it in the Merseyside derby last year, despite it being a draw, I saw him skin & shithouse his way right under Liverpool's skin. It made me smile. He's a terrier. He never shuts up and he never stops. Not until recently. It's testament to Everton & Frank Lampard's incompetence that they've failed to direct his latent potential. Channelled in the right direction, under a smart & tactful manager (know anyone who fits that bill eh?!), he'd be vicious little weapon. Our weapon. He's 21. He has pace coming out his massive ears. A venomous tongue that would make a mamba blush. He's talented. And he has drive. A prophetic vision or perhaps a wild, miserable failure of a prediction it may be... But there's something about this lad that I see flourishing into a great player under us. Whatever transpires - And nothing may come of it, I don't think anyone should be so quick to write him off because the genius that is Farhad Moshiri and Frank Lampard have failed to bring his promise to bloom. A lucky escape from a sinking ship for him? A lucky cut price deal for a young, homegrown, potential gem for us, while other previous potential suitors have moved on? Lucky me, lucky you? Maybe. ?

UP THE NOON!

GIMME GIMME GIMME SVEN BOTMAN TO MARK TIGHT PLAYS OUT FROM THE BACK AND POCKETS STRIKERS ALL DAY GIMME GIMME GIMME SVEN BOTMAN TO MARK TIGHT BREAKS DOWN ALL THE COUNTERS AND HEADS THE BALL AWAY GIMME GIMME GIMME SVEN BOTMAN TO MARK TIGHT NO SENSE IN TRYING TO BEAT HIM WEEKEND OR WEEKDAY GIMME GIMME GIMME SVEN BOTMAN TO MARK TIGHT DIDN'T FANCY PASTA WANTED GREGGS ANYWAY

Unleash the fountains of shit.

"We're in for a pulsating 20 mins here" In the same fashion of a rectal endoscopy presumably.

Harsh. I was sitting on the toilet having a shit, so my head was bowed anyway. I'll leave the sad stains to your kegs. Checkmate.

*Ahem* *Ahem* Inspired by the recent events of our southern neighbours in the capital I call this piece... The day of the mackem play-off parade The fountains of London ran brown that day As ace lager cans were thrown away Into the Thames where they'd float astray Unlike league 1 where they'd eventually stay The day of the mackem play-off parade And how the people did gawp at the awful display The banker, the butcher, diplomatic attache Until compelled to turn away Nauseous with odours direct from Bombay (Shouldn't have eaten so much Panda Buffet) 'The freakshows in town' the people did say At the grim, grotesque red and white ballet I think some even got done for affray The day of the mackem play-off parade Then to wembley they'd eventually stagger Sunburnt & red, faces caked in fish batter Then one shouted out "av pissed mesel marra" As Wycombe marched on Sunlun dreams would go shatter And 'not today', the radio'd say The day of the mackem play-off parade So back to work and back to grind In the booth of the amusement ride Watchin the bairns act unrefined Applied to Lidl, but got declined Think Jermaine might be re-signed At 45 years & a day The cutting edge of sunlun forward play Definitely would have started today The day of the mackem play-off parade But there isn't really more to say Went to London, got put away Spent some money on a day To watch some monkeys mis-behave On the pitch & on the pave Shat in that fountain did you Dave? Oh sunlun fc, what a charade! On that day of the mackem play-off parade

I wouldn't advise it, but if you want a first hand experience, there's a few thousand of them swarming around Trafalgar square right now. Make sure you don't provoke them by staring at the ones shitting in the fountain, it's a cultural thing.

That's an hour of my life. Colorized, 2022. Also. WE'RE GOING TO SAVE LEEDS UNITED! I don't want Leeds down tbh, Nottingham Forest are gonna get promoted, then next year Blackburn Rovers and year after Sheff Wed etc etc... We're putting the band back together - I want my Panini Sticker album league 94/95. I'm still working how to put Wimbledon back together, may take a while...