Theregulars

Big ol' gay that I am

Don't see why we should lend the Reds a member of the Blue crew on account of their failure to procure a positional player of such essential nature.

Shame on my family

I'm more than happy to impersonate a Red for purposes of interview.

Giant in stature and philosophy? Yoda. Giant in physical sense? Hard to see past Jabba

I can only translate languages whose use expired long ago with some fallen empire; the truly educated only bother with the utterly useless when it comes to learning different tongues. #hashtagBants #Bantero'clock #jumponmybanterwagon #ooahhericbantona #myfavouriteShakespeareplayisbanthonyandcleochatra

Im in for the carnage

Will you be wearing trousers?

I'm in for the night out, Francis Deffers

Love you too sausage

This may well be one of the highlights of my entire membership of this little community

Heneage accusing me and Rance of turning up hungover is libellous

I think we should all chip in £1 to tempt Neesy to play, that way he can buy a big enough pocket in which to fit all of the blues.

Shows that he actually rates Shola as a key first team player

if he was hellbent on playing Shola, surely move Remy to the wide left position, rest Gouffran or Sissoko (who both look tired), and keep the midfield triangle of Anita and Tiote deep; with Cabaye advanced - on any sensible analysis one of the key reasons in our recent performances. He just reeks of being unable to recognise very noticeable tactical developments.

A ten point brushdown: 1. When you are doing unexpectedly well in the league, and the other team is languishing near the relegation zone, the best plan is to go to their place and attack them from the off, putting them under pressure and further making the players/fans edgy; testing their inevitably fragile confidence. Instead, we play a defensive formation, inviting them to have the ball and sitting on a nil-nil all day without really trying to attack consistently because, in Alan Pardew 1980s football world, a point away from home is always the aim. 2. Shola Ameobi has not scored a goal for over one year. He has scored 50 goals in a career spanning almost 14 years. He has never come close to looking like a professional footballer. We must be the only club in world football who would give him the continuous platform. He must know someone very powerful and influential up there. He is slow, ponderous, weak, dithering, indecisive and incapable of linking up play properly. Yet he will still feature in the majority of the rest of our season. 3. Hatem Ben Arfa is a ridiculously talented footballer, but there are two observations here. Firstly, he isn't getting enough game time, so seems to be trying a bit too much perhaps when he comes on. However, he doesn't half do some braindead things when he is on. Case in point today; just shoot. 4. Cabaye has been stellar this season playing in advanced midfield. Logically, Pardew then puts him back into a deeper role to accommodate Shola, dropping Anita in the process, who has been one of the key reasons in our decent campaign thus far; unnecessarily surrendering possession and creativity simultaneously for an invisible presence up front against their slow, average centre-halves. 5. Remy has gone missing recently. 6. Debuchy is thick as fuck. Good player but completely undermined the last few weeks of hard work and improvement. Let the side down massively today. 7. Sissoko has been good on the wing this year, so naturally Pardew moves him to a central midfield role; the same role which he performed without any distinction against Stoke. 8. Gouffran needs to work very, very hard on his final ball. Numerous occasions today he broke down promising moves by passing it off the field or straight to the other side. None of them were unlucky, just thoughtless. 9. Williamson and Coloccini are the only players to come out of today's game with credit, especially the former who did not put a foot wrong. 10. As I have continued to suspect throughout our good run, we win in spite of Pardew. He is always liable, just like away to Swansea, to fuck up a game with tactical incompetence and ham-fisted selection in the face of what is the obvious team to play. We continue to have no identity as a side, and bounce from formation to formation based on what happened in the last game. We will never achieve anything of significance while he is in charge. That isn't some epic kneejerk reaction; he has done well this year and did well 2 seasons ago too; but both represent his absolute ceiling. I sincerely believe he is stupid. All in all, dogshit performance against a dogshit team. Awful tactics, awful selection, lacking attacking intent, no coherence, no courage, and the alarming trend of us handing teams a win when they badly need one by not turning up continues. Way to undermine some progress, guys. Happy fucking new year.

Continuation of absolutely predictable trend of handing shit teams 3 points when they really need them, because our spineless manager refuses to believe that we're any good and sets us up to play negative, turgid football spearheaded by a player who would genuinely struggle in League 1. It's been coming as we've had masses of luck recently but seriously, Pardew, fuck off.

Anything else Hatem?

Also for all his fucking cocksuckers, Hatem has been absolutey non-existent.

Still not remotely convinced that's a penalty, there's no contact.

Pardew needs to have a serious word with himself after today, handed them the win.

Dive

Wowzers, what a shit game.

Pardew has just instructed them now to hoof it away every time the ball comes near them. He's reverted to type this afternoon.

wow