tmonkey

Went with Gouffran. Absolutely hate seeing him stroll around the pitch doing the bare minimum.

I thought he was a bit s*** and a liability against Arsenal, especially in the first half. Did nothing of nothing and was pressing far too high up the pitch, leaving gaping holes for Arsenal midfielders to exploit (which they did, and if Walcott had his finishing boots on the game would've been over within half an hour). As an analogy, his closing down reminds me of this baboon chasing after a lion: https://youtu.be/4ebd36p4zkw That's what Colback's closing down is like - the chest is out and the intention is there to try to scare the opposition team into making a mistake or backing down, but there's no substance to it, he's not going to win the ball or do anything positive for the team by running around like this. It plays right into the oppositions hands because they know they just have to pass around this nutcase and they'll find a teammate in the acres of space Colback will have left.

Never a red card imo. Studs on the shin, yes, but no weight or force behind it. Simply not a dangerous tackle.

Obertan we know is shit, and everyone recognises that he's shit. But Colback was absolutely disgraceful there.

If there's a compilation set to a System of a Down track then it's all we need to know about this impending flop.

Can't wait for Jose's opinion on why the linesman flagged it. http://media.giphy.com/media/GjYjLvGErsggg/giphy.gif

I think it's more to do with the lack of competition. In fact, I'd go so far as to say Sissoko should be labelled a wanker, same as Gouffran. Both were visibly trying much harder when Ben Arfa was still an "option" and they were both occupying the wing positions - i.e. doing their absolute best to justify the manager's benching of Hatem. Soon as Hatem was permanently benched and out of the picture, with no competition to worry about especially with Cabella's weak displays, they put their feet up and stroll through games.

Fair points TCD, and yeah you're right, I should hate Ashley more. I guess my hatred for Ashley is placated somewhat by accepting third party comments that (a) he doesn't understand football, (b) is surrounded by poor people who advise him badly, and © probably only knows the Sports Direct business model, which is to run things as cheaply as possible and look to get the best margins. Additionally, I don't think many will agree here but for me despite everything he's done wrong, as long as he gives his manager a decent squad with talented players with the potential to form a side that becomes a dark horse/outside contender for a CL spot (i.e. the type of squad Pardew has had till he ripped it apart recently), then I'm willing to park his mistakes to the side for the time being as I think that's the "bottom line" for an owner of a mid table club. And conversely, my hatred for Pardew is elevated because on top of all of his excuses and lies ("science is against me"), on top of him completely ripping away technical ability from the squad by freezing players out for inexplicable reasons whilst his locker room Championship standard "mates" got constant Premiership game time and thereby setting a precedent for putting faith in a type of player who doesn't deserve it, despite all the cowardly tactics, the horrendous results, the clear intent to play hoofball with players completely unsuited, the disgusting personality he clearly has, the hanging the youngsters out to dry, despite all of this Pardew did the one thing that has effectively given NUFC fans a death sentance - he persuaded the owner that Europe is a bad thing which can cause relegation (and this is within the context of point (a) above). Hence why I hate Pardew more. He's achieved the one thing that can kill a football club like ours more than anything else - removed the basic ambition to do well in the league and ensuring it's an actual policy to not do "too well" (something that could still be done on a budget, so mentioning not spending enough to actively push forward is irrelevant to an extent). Again, I don't for a second believe Ashley would otherwise say "No" to European qualification if it wasn't because of Pardew's incompetence nearly getting us relegated as he spouted lie after lie to cover his own back. It's more money, it's increased advertising, why wouldn't he want that? Because we nearly got relegated and Pardew told him the reason for it, that's why. Just think of Pardew's legacy now, all because of his lies. Now our season will finish in December/January every year if we're lucky enough to get 30 points on the board by then because Ashley will actively tell whoever the manager is to stop winning too many points. We'll have players who will be desperate to leave as soon as they show a bit of good form because they know there's zero ambition here and that everyone will give up come February (in turn making themselves all look bad, hence why they'll need to push for a transfer in January). Decent managers would probably still want to manage at NUFC (there's not alot of options and this is still the PL so will be highly attractive to many abroad especially in countries where a mere "head coach" is the norm), but now Ashley won't want them because he'll be terrified that with more Carr bargain basement signings they might suddenly push for Europe. I guess you can call it hatred within context.

Pardew failed here primarily because the club were signing talented technical footballers from the continent for him - the type of player he doesn't want, appreciate, trust, or know how to use. The lack of investment in terms of total spend, or the timing of players sold/brought in, has far less to do with Pardew's failings and miserable records and more to do with his inability to adapt to having a different type of player to manager than what he's used to. By the end of his tenure here he had driven out practically all of the talented footballers, having misused them or benched them with no justification, or the few he did well with were held back by his tactics (doing well in spite of the limitations he brought to the team). Every one of these players couldn't wait to get away from Pardew and his horrendous approach to games, make no mistake about that, and we're now suffering for having Pardew here as we have the remains of a decent squad filled which is now filled with mediocre players who shouldn't be anywhere near a Premiership first team. When we finished 5th under Pardew, we did so because at a time when results and performances were starting to dip Pardew stumbled onto a formation and lineup that "clicked" and had our best players playing in their best positions. By the end of that season he switched away from that formation/lineup for no good reason and then never went back to it, not once, out of pure pride/arrogance. His cockiness the following season as the Manager of the Year award got to his head resulted in the team playing "his way", and we ended up with the same team that finished 5th nearly getting relegated by playing some of the most ugly, cowardly, negative hoofball I've ever witnessed an NUFC team play. Pardew is, imo, the person ultimately responsible for Mike Ashley's policy of wanting to be mid table and no higher. I think the original intention was to finish mid table as a minimum - now it's mid table and no higher, and that's a seemingly subtle but actually massive difference. In some ways I can understand not bothering about the cups, as they're firmly second tier competitions and getting into the CL is far more important to the growth of the club than winning the FA Cup (even if a trophy is what most of our fans want). But not wanting to finish as high as possible is insanity (in addition to not bothering with the cups) - and I don't think Mike Ashley ever started out with that intention. When we finished 5th the club seemed to be delighted with both the high finish and the European qualification, even releasing a statement iirc saying so and rewarding Pardew with an 8 year contract - if Ashley had already decided that Europe was bad, we'd have thrown a number of games and rested/benched key players to avoid qualification. We didn't because Mike Ashley, who knows little about football, had no policy about it yet. Fast forward 12 months and the club slowly transitioned from "yay we're in Europe" to "f***ing Europe, it's a curse" - why? Because that's what Pardew sold to anyone and every who would listen, including no doubt an irate Ashley who would not have been happy at the team going from 5th to near relegation in successive seasons. Pardew, being a pretty decent spin doctor and looking to save his own skin, is the one who used the challenges associated with continental football as an excuse for awful form/performances domestically (which were in turn down to his hoofball instructions and stubborn refusal to pick the best team in the best formation with the best players in their best position). He's the one who kept on bemoaning the additional games and the affect it had on domestic form (even if he was lying about players being tired given that we often played the B team in the league format of the games). He's the one who kept referring to stats about teams in Europe don't do well in domestic competitions. As much as I hate Ashley, I hate Pardew more. I feel as though Ashley, as disgusting a human being as he is, would not logically have been dead set against European qualification give the considerable additional income it generates (especially the CL), and the fact that it'd mean more international coverage for Craps Direct. He was at a crossroad, and Pardew made sure Ashley went down a path of misinformation that now ensures we never qualify for Europe as long as he owns the club. That is Pardew's legacy at NUFC.

Keane at his best (~95-2001) was immense. Very underrated footballer key to ManU's "swarming" pass and move style in the 90's, great at driving his team forward, hugely consistent at the basics, very good first touch and distribution, rarely made a mistake, and was a touch tackler too - just a brilliant midfield general to have in a great footballing side. Some of his battles with Vieira were legendary, and I'd say Keane won the majority of them from the ones I remember seeing. He was often the heartbeat of his team when they played well, someone frequently involved in buildup play, and it's obvious that his teammates respected his abilities otherwise I doubt they'd have passed to him at every opportunity. Can see why he's not appreciated to be fair. Dislikeable personality and as he stuck to the basics he wasn't a "highlight reels" player. Scholes was nicer on the eye and the more talented footballer, certainly attacking wise, but don't think at his best he ever reached the level of consistent influence Keane did, so whilst Scholes was good over a longer period, adapted better into various roles, and didn't really decline much (unlike Keane), I think peak for peak Keane trumps him. Highly debatable though admittedly.

Gullitt's tactical analysis

Think Sir Bobby is a better comparison. Great managers who are/were successful pretty much wherever they went.

Village Idiot did give us stories about Messi being a bit of a cunt. Denied Suarez a hat trick and probably missed on purpose to rub salt into the wounds.

Messi bottler.

Fuck off Jordi Alba.

Adriano definitely has more than an entire tub of grease in his hair.

Clichy fancied an early bath. Mercenary job done for the day.

Bony

Entire Barca team stopped because Bony stopped

Dat Aguero burst of acceleration

Messi doing a Shola impersonation.

Needed Drogba and Ballack on the pitch to make the appeal against that arm-blocked shot more amusing.

Joe Hart looks honored to have had Messi's studs in his chest.