Ritchie

Have we even passed to Papiss yet?

You're getting the hang of this place with cynicism like that. God, I hope I randomly fall asleep in the next half an hour. I've just woke up, poli! Thought it was a 3pmer.

Shane Ferguson.

Simpson.

Who the fuck is going to buy that?

I guess they won the biting.

How the fuck was that advantage?!

I'm so bored.

Shola, energy?!

Jonas at left back.

La Coo Coo?!

So is, umm, Ben Arfa coming on any time soon?

Has Gouffran completed a full ninety minutes for us yet?

Record cunt.

OH FUCK OFF!

We basically just let them score there.

RYAN TAYLOR - OVER THE WALL!

How can you get Debuchy mixed up with Perch?

Cisse to score off his arse.

We'll score first, get all excited, Pardew will make us defend a 1-0 lead and then they'll score twice in the last ten minutes and go onto win.

Allardyce just said 'innit'.

West Ham 1-0 up.

Considering his record, Ashley would make a disastrous decision anyway even if he did get rid of Pardew.

Why am I working?! Going to miss it.