Ronaldo

Gonna be my favourite player soon at this rate.

Absolutely superb. 10/10.

Makes Rocky Balboa look soft. He's not human.

Terrible player, and terrible today. Won't ever be forgotten for that goal, though. Fantastic!

Doubtfire's face, man.

He's fucking crap.

No outlet at the front.

Oh what? I was f***ing joking. f*** off Pardew, man. Sorry thats what i wanted not happened, not yet anyway What?

The point with Loven is that he tracks back, which is priority number one when you're playing away...Obertan is sleepwalking..Loses blatantly the ball and doesn't bother to recover.. Just fuck off with that rubbish.

Clueless.

He's a million times better than Ryan Taylor, that's all I know about him. EDIT: And he's quality on Fifa.

Obertant?

We're in the s*** if we're relying on input from Pardew. Every single thread.

Why's he standing offside?

Simpson is crap.

Pardew should get plenty of praise should we win, but he probably won't.

This is first derby ever that I haven't really been nervous for. Can't completely identify why, but it isn't for positive reasons.

He's a fundamentally bad footballer who does the defensive basics OK.

Benjamin Button.

He most certainly won't. Not if this daft Portuguese has any sense, anyway.

That's why Brazil seems to know his stuff when it comes to NUFC. That said, I nearly crashed the car when he said we needed to 'sort the defence out' the year we were in The Championship - and conceding about a goal every two games.

He's at very best a lower PL player.

Shut up, man. Utter tool.

Who?