Ishmael

http://s2.favim.com/orig/28/end-of-the-world-gif-world-Favim.com-236979.gif From a corner? End of the world it is.

Lee Ryder ‏@lee_ryder 13s On two minutes Jonas puts in a cross from the left but nobody can get on the end of it. #nufc Figures.

Lee Ryder ‏@lee_ryder Ince kisses the Blackpool badge right in front of the travelling #nufc fans. #disgrace

and 10 push-ups in between

Remember the Ben Arfa-Simpson link-up? That.

Well this is just nonsense. It's not about how much money you invest, but how well you invest it. Plus a club should never invest above their means.

We'll scrape a 1-1 draw with our goal coming from Ameobi's arse. Pardew will praise our resilience coming up against a fitter, tighter side, singling our Jonas and Williamson for two hard working, gritty displays. Ameobi will make a comment about his lethal run of goalscoring form and how he should deserve the number 9 shirt for the coming season. Pardew will later say that this XI have the first team shirts for the first game at Manchester City and anyone not in the current squad will have to work hard for a month in the reserves before even being considered. Marveaux will pull his groin in the 98th minute. "I thought we was tight."

What? And before people start I'm not saying this because Neymar is there, I'm saying this because Messi is Messi and pair Messi with Sammy on his left and Shola on his right and Barcelona will still have the better front three. Bollocks

Ben Arfa isn't even fit enough for a friendly

Sissoko as a CM

Yes, let us spend millions and millions on as many players as possible in the hope of stumbling on someone half decent. Just like Sunderland have done... oh. They should be mocked for an appalling transfer record.

January's transfer window wasn't exactly successful for them, was it?

Sir Les Ferdinand was one of the kids who vandalised the Blue Peter garden. Alan Pardew is working for free at Newcastle because of his debts to Mike Ashley. When Shola Ameobi was a young lad and called up to the England U21 squad, the then-manager pulled him aside and said "Shola Ameobi, now that's a bit of a mouthful. What does Bobby Robson call you?" Shola: "Carl Cort"

So good. http://i.imgur.com/GbjXP.gif

It was his change from the bucket of KFC he'd just ordered.

Assuming that's just Jonas blabbing off in the media without the clubs knowledge, fire him.

Everyone knowing you have loads of cash doesn't really work since you have Levy cunting it up. Take the £86m before Bale spits his dummy out and has a shitter of a season.

Ronaldo was spot on the other day when he pointed out how much better Shola was as a player at Sammy's current age. Frightening.

When do the rumours of a second borehole commence?

Harford's first task as our new scout was to watch Kuyt.

Been linked so often that I think he's actually one of ours via transfer window osmosis. Shouldn't take too much effort to make it all official this time around.

http://therepublikofmancunia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Giggs-tattoo.jpg

They are bonkers if that is true.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02552/jurgen-klopp_2552735b.jpg 1-0 to Klopp.

And true stories thrown in. http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Football/Pix/pictures/2011/12/20/1324373513207/Tony-Yeboah-celebrates-hi-007.jpg