MarkyMark

Someone needs to have a word with Howe, and quick. Plenty of managers lose games at Newcastle. But the crowd turns fast if you insult their intelligence - and that’s what Howe is doing there. Fucking Pardew-esque bullshit. Come out, be honest, say it isn’t good enough and apologise. Because today is a black day in the club’s history. And defeat vs Watford at the weekend will expose him to real criticism following this. The only positive I can think of is that this might make the ownership pull their fingers out of their arse and get some signings in. I’m still astonished that the window has been open over a week and there is only one through the door. They don’t have the luxury of time.

Best comedy series since ‘Premier Passions’

‘Sorry, we have to ask for a postponement - we’ve got five injuries and Ralph reckons we’re not allowed to play our five new signings …’

If we have a new centre half (or two) before Watford, and he fields the same old shite - and we lose, there’ll be hell-on

With an additional year option struggling to see what is ‘worrying’ about this at all. If we trigger that clause he’ll be almost 35. I’ve just spent the last couple of years watching the likes of Kraft at right back. ‘Worrying’ is not the adjective I’d use here. ‘Exciting’ or ‘fucking massive relief’ is applicable edit: seen that the comment was tongue-in-cheek

I’ve watched him a fair few times, and can understand some of the concerns re rash tackling and pens etc. But Tim Vickery is talking like the lad would be moving to a good side - he isn’t, he’s moving to a side which before 1st Jan had possibly the worst back line in PL history. Sevilla are hardly dummies - their side is light years ahead of our mob pre-window. So the question is - ‘is he significantly better then Lascelles, Clark et al?’ It is a resounding ‘yes’ on that front. I don’t give a solitary shite about the fee - that’s for the club’s accountants to worry about.

FFP is based on the previous three years - so relegation absolutely knackers it.

Trippier is on c.£80k per week. So £120k+ is a massive leap - but given our position, players of note are going to ask for more. The transfer window is going to be very interesting - Staveley’s interview last year chimed with this being done ‘on a budget’, so to speak - though obviously not the ‘budget’ we’ve been used to. Waugh’s piece suggests likewise. The bit that worries me is if deals aren’t sorted for players very, very soon. We don’t have January for them to ‘learn’ how to do transfers.

I’m aware of where Knopfler is from - it’s not a fact I’m ignoring at all. It would be as relevant as the team running out to the Pet Shop Boys or the Lighthouse Family. :) I’d prefer them running out to the Blaydon Races - which I understand was also written by a local …

Hang on - I said Dubravka wasn’t as good as Srnicek or Given, and Howe’s selections have been questionable - and that makes me a curmudgeon? You’ve got me on Staveley mind - but then, the entirety of the new ownership is hardly cuddly. Defence of the Mackems = pointing out that the piss-taking of them singing ‘YNWA’ at OT is something we’ve done ourselves? And the fact that Alex Ferguson took over Man Utd when they were second bottom and they finished mid-table is a ‘defence’ of Ferguson? I’m not the one who made the terrible comparison to Howe. I pointed out that Howe and Ferguson were not comparable at that stage in their careers, given the relative levels of success.

Dire Straits and Knopfler are pish. And Local Hero has f*** all to do with Newcastle - it’s the theme from a mawkishly sentimental film about an American who goes to a Scottish village and falls in love with the local eccentrics. Why do you think ‘Carmina Burana’ replaced it for a while? Before that bizarre mix of the two later? Barry in the Box playing a tune before kick off from the mid-90s does not a tradition make.

If they’re going to do what any other buyer could do, is it worth having the name of the club dragged through the mud by association with one of the most vicious regimes on the planet? I’d argue it wasn’t anyway - though there’s sod all I can do about. Nothing would sum us up better than not even getting sportswashing right. I think they will be conservative BTW. The talk of chucking hundreds of millions at the club is unlikely - though we shall see.

Jesus wept. Nearly broke my spine from cringing. Tory melt. And yet it’s not even the most embarrassing thing he’s done in the last few weeks - but nothing will ever top the Kate Stewart chocolate wrapper. Or his pathetic idolisation and home video … sorry film … about thick thuggish twats the Sayers. Or [insert other examples here]

Trust me, I wouldn’t argue that Srnicek was a top keeper - he wasn’t. We’ve never had a top keeper in the PL era - but Dubravka is a mediocre one at best. Man City’s first goal at the weekend was straight from the Hooper / Elliott scrapbook.

It was laughable from the off - ‘the Pledge’. Self-publicising wankers unaware of history and the very support that they’re part of - the support was offered the chance to buy a sizeable stake in the club 30 years ago, effectively the chance to run it, and couldn’t raise the couple of million required. Then the floatation in ‘97, where fans bought stock at a minimum of £500 per person, only to find it meant f*** all and eventually got little back when Ashley bought the club. That and the fact that we’ve never exactly been the most organised bunch at the best of times. The notion that they’d buy a 1% stake was a joke. Utterly meaningless. As is the notion of fan ownership of top clubs, without government intervention. Massive announcement to tell us about something which had been tried on a grander scale with a smaller budget, and got nowhere. Basically, this was a fanzine trying to get itself a voice paid for by the public - and the public gave its response in no uncertain terms. The only thing of note that the fanzines ever achieved from my recollection was when The Mag effectively campaigned (and TF, possibly?) managed to get Barry in the Box and Alan F***ing Robson to stop playing that yuppie pish ‘Local Hero’ when the players came out. And how long-lasting was that success?

Dele Alli is finished - he’s the sort of terrible signing you see clubs with cash whose status hasn’t caught up with their wealth. Man City made a few of those. And Dubravka being ‘great’ and better than Srnicek et al? Jesus wept, we’ve never exactly been well-served in the GK dept, but Dubravka isn’t as good as Krul was never mind the others. He’s comfortably the most error-prone. Srnicek used to get pelters for the odd bit of mindlessness - the red card at Leicester away in 94 being a prime example. Dubravka does at least one of those each match. Anyone who thinks he’d be joining a decent side when he leaves is in a for shock. Still better than Darlow of course, but that’s a low bar.

I remember singing that at OT in the 90s and early 00s. Newcastle away ends often did as a wind-up

Yeah, they absolutely do - not in small part because everything is viewed through the prism of their relationship with Newcastle United. Therefore they feel they have an affinity with the ‘underdog’ of every single rivalry; the ‘smaller’ club. So Spurs = North London ‘underdog’ = they’re just like us, marra. It’s the most fantastic way of insulting another club without meaning to do so, as well as an effective admission of their own status in the North East. I love them for it, the daft twats.

Bit harsh You have to remember they're a third division side playing away at Arsenal - regardless of selection. I've been in enough Newcastle away ends watching hammerings and still jumping up and down and singing non-stop. It's hardly as if they could be disappointed - they surely weren't expecting owt but a thumping?

Emery was in no small part due to Staveley being unable to see a journalist without talking. But Emenalo always came across as an arrogant self-publicist - I did get a good laugh out of Ghodoussi shooting that one down in flames.

Yep. The shape generally looks ok - some of the mistakes are just catastrophically terrible. Where Howe can be faulted is the selection of some of those most prone to making those errors (Darlow, Clark, Ritchie, Lascelles etc) - I think four points were chucked away against Brentford and Norwich as a result. Harder to blame his selections now though, as the injuries rack up.

Why do people consistently think this? The evidence doesn't support this 'we need this many points' argument. Take the last five seasons; if Newcastle have 10 points with 18 games remaining on the morning of 1st Jan, how would they need to perform in those games to stay up? What sort of finish would that be spread across the season? The last five years would have seen a club survive on 29; 35; 35; 34; and 35. You could minus 1 point if you have better GD. So generally, you don't need more than 35 points to survive. What about the form required? Where would you have finished in those seasons if you were could have spread the same points across the season, if you had only accrued 10 points after 20 games? For the form required last year (a bit of an anomaly), you'd have finished: 17th in 20/21; 15th in 19/20; 16th in 18/19; 16th in 17/18; 17th in 16/17 In 19/20: 12th in 20/21; 11th in 19/20; 11th in 18/19; 9th in 17/18; 8th in 16/17 In 18/19: 12th in 20/21; 11th in 19/20; 11th in 18/19; 9th in 17/18; 8th in 16/17 In 17/18: 12th in 20/21; 12th in 19/20; 12th in 18/19; 11th in 17/18; 8th in 16/17 In 16/17: 12th in 20/21; 11th in 19/20; 11th in 18/19; 9th in 17/18; 8th in 16/17 So in the last five seasons, there is only one where the average number of points required from the last 18 games would have resulted in a top eight finish - and that's mainly because the side in 8th only managed to get 49 points that year (7th was 61). Just to add - after 18 games, you would be 17th with the following totals (ignoring GD): 13; 16; 13; 16; 15. Watford have 13 from 16; more directly comparable is Leeds with 16 from 18. So this season is not unusual so far - it is bang-average. The form required to pull us out of the shit isn't as ludicrous as is sometimes made out - but the maths go increasingly against us with every defeat, of course. The other thing to consider is how many the teams around us can pick up before we inevitably strengthen in Jan. If we are within 9 points, you'd still fancy our chances if we've made signings early and well. TL;DR - Newcastle are very, very likely to survive if they hit lower half of mid-table form

Alex Ferguson pulled Man Utd out of the relegation zone and finished midtable in his first season - and also had trophy-winning pedigree at Aberdeen (where he managed them to victory over Real Madrid in a European final). Just saying ...

I wonder if he deliberately excluded a PowerPoint page at his interview talking about how he’d organise the back line … ?

Has to be said, the players are doing their best to undermine the arguments by the likes of Craig Hope that this side were decent and working with a shit manager in Bruce. They’re shit and were working with a shit manager in Bruce. With Howe they’re now with a decent one, but I think you’d need someone of Rafa’s nous to organise this lot.