Probably the funniest thing i've ever seen at a match

[Guest Brummiemag]

For f**k sake,  Jamie was telling a funny story, nothing more,  give the bloke a break. Looks like political correctness has reached this forum in a big way 

[Yorkie]

For f**k sake,  Jamie was telling a funny story, nothing more,  give the bloke a break. Looks like political correctness has reached this forum in a big way 

 

Ahhh right. Now i understand.

 

Took 400 people to say this for it to finally bed in. Phew.

[Tooj]

Round Upton Park did remind me of an episode of Desmonds, I must say though.

[OzzieMandias]

Only eejits and racists complain about "political correctness".

[lovejoy]

I remember when I was a kid on holiday in Robin Hood's Bay, and all the kids had these plastic "Sekiden" guns that shot plaster pellets. At kid level the whole village would divide into gangs who'd have gunfights with each other. Me and my brother discovered the guns would also shoot these sweets called Sherbet Pips, and they sting a lot more than the ordinary pellets when you got someone with one. So we were firing at these kids on the sea wall, but missed and hit these much bigger lads by mistake, who were f****** furious, and started chasing us. RHB is a maze of little alleys and stairways. These lads could have easily minced us, but we were small and quick, and knew the village well, and soon we'd lost all but one of them. The biggest one. A real brute with huge arms. He could have been the model for Biffa Bacon. Me and my bro were getting tired and there was this horrible moment, just near the Dolphin Hotel, where he was coming up behind us and we just knew we were going to get caught any second and given a serious kicking...

 

And then a seagull shat on his head. A great gob of noxious white slime. He was dripping with the stuff, cursing and swearing, and stopped running, waving his big arms around in rage, while we scampered off, laughing our little heads off.

 

Would have been much funnier if he wasn't English, like.

 

jesus wept.

[Dave]

Round Upton Park did remind me of an episode of Desmonds, I must say though.

 

[OzzieMandias]

I remember when I was a kid on holiday in Robin Hood's Bay, and all the kids had these plastic "Sekiden" guns that shot plaster pellets. At kid level the whole village would divide into gangs who'd have gunfights with each other. Me and my brother discovered the guns would also shoot these sweets called Sherbet Pips, and they sting a lot more than the ordinary pellets when you got someone with one. So we were firing at these kids on the sea wall, but missed and hit these much bigger lads by mistake, who were f****** furious, and started chasing us. RHB is a maze of little alleys and stairways. These lads could have easily minced us, but we were small and quick, and knew the village well, and soon we'd lost all but one of them. The biggest one. A real brute with huge arms. He could have been the model for Biffa Bacon. Me and my bro were getting tired and there was this horrible moment, just near the Dolphin Hotel, where he was coming up behind us and we just knew we were going to get caught any second and given a serious kicking...

 

And then a seagull shat on his head. A great gob of noxious white slime. He was dripping with the stuff, cursing and swearing, and stopped running, waving his big arms around in rage, while we scampered off, laughing our little heads off.

 

Would have been much funnier if he wasn't English, like.

 

jesus wept.

 

You'd be funnier if you were funny.

[NJS]

Went to West Ham in the second in 1990 I think - around the ground was still iffy in those days so ended up in a back street bar which funnily enough for this thread was full of Asians and therefore safe. Was a Sunday dinnertime and they had a stripper on who decided to "borrow" my glasses and do her best to insert them into herself then popped them back on my face. Took me bastard ages to wash them.

 

 

[Guest Sam]

Went to West Ham in the second in 1990 I think - around the ground was still iffy in those days so ended up in a back street bar which funnily enough for this thread was full of Asians and therefore safe. Was a Sunday dinnertime and they had a stripper on who decided to "borrow" my glasses and do her best to insert them into herself then popped them back on my face. Took me b****** ages to wash them.

 

 

Sounds hilarious mackems.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.Hope everyone realises this thread cant be saved now.

[lovejoy]

I remember when I was a kid on holiday in Robin Hood's Bay, and all the kids had these plastic "Sekiden" guns that shot plaster pellets. At kid level the whole village would divide into gangs who'd have gunfights with each other. Me and my brother discovered the guns would also shoot these sweets called Sherbet Pips, and they sting a lot more than the ordinary pellets when you got someone with one. So we were firing at these kids on the sea wall, but missed and hit these much bigger lads by mistake, who were f****** furious, and started chasing us. RHB is a maze of little alleys and stairways. These lads could have easily minced us, but we were small and quick, and knew the village well, and soon we'd lost all but one of them. The biggest one. A real brute with huge arms. He could have been the model for Biffa Bacon. Me and my bro were getting tired and there was this horrible moment, just near the Dolphin Hotel, where he was coming up behind us and we just knew we were going to get caught any second and given a serious kicking...

 

And then a seagull shat on his head. A great gob of noxious white slime. He was dripping with the stuff, cursing and swearing, and stopped running, waving his big arms around in rage, while we scampered off, laughing our little heads off.

 

Would have been much funnier if he wasn't English, like.

 

jesus wept.

 

You'd be funnier if you were funny.

 

i'm just surprised an intelligent fella like yourself would write a story like that, on a football forum, entitled 'funniest thing you've ever seen at a football match'.

 

 

it's almost as odd as your tale in the neighbours thread.

[MW]

Mackem groundsman on the pitch after the 4-1  surprised it hasnt had a mention

[Baron von Fat]

This thread is like some kind of anthropological experiment mixed with one of those science dishes used for growing fungus.

 

My contribution.

 

I was once working at a Mexico vs Poland match in Chicago, standing on the field in the corner by the Mexican fans.  When they scored, they all threw their beers in the air and soaked me.  Mexico was bossing the match, so I got smart and moved to the Polish corner.  Of course, Poland equalized five minutes later and I got doused again.  I had a delightful aroma for the post-match festivities.

 

EDIT: I'm 5'10" and right-handed so everyone thought this was pretty hilarious.

[Incognito]

The funniest thing i've ever seen at a match is Alan Davies, hes a funny man!

 

What the ex Toon and Manchester United player who tragically killed himself in his prime?

 

[Scoreboard82]

I remember when I was a kid on holiday in Robin Hood's Bay, and all the kids had these plastic "Sekiden" guns that shot plaster pellets. At kid level the whole village would divide into gangs who'd have gunfights with each other. Me and my brother discovered the guns would also shoot these sweets called Sherbet Pips, and they sting a lot more than the ordinary pellets when you got someone with one. So we were firing at these kids on the sea wall, but missed and hit these much bigger lads by mistake, who were f****** furious, and started chasing us. RHB is a maze of little alleys and stairways. These lads could have easily minced us, but we were small and quick, and knew the village well, and soon we'd lost all but one of them. The biggest one. A real brute with huge arms. He could have been the model for Biffa Bacon. Me and my bro were getting tired and there was this horrible moment, just near the Dolphin Hotel, where he was coming up behind us and we just knew we were going to get caught any second and given a serious kicking...

 

And then a seagull shat on his head. A great gob of noxious white slime. He was dripping with the stuff, cursing and swearing, and stopped running, waving his big arms around in rage, while we scampered off, laughing our little heads off.

 

Would have been much funnier if he wasn't English, like.

I've a feeling that your assuming he was English, in the same way Jamie assumed the lad on the bike wasn't.

[Guest marky555]

I went to Man Utd away and...... actually shit I better stop there, I've already made one glaring error, the team name is Manchester United isn't it? Really , really sorry if i've offended anyone here.

 

I'm off to go and pick the peanuts out of my shit I'll be back soon hopefully.

[TaylorJ_01]

The ones who complain about racism are the most racist ones of all I always find. By picking up on every fucking thing that anyone says and turning it to 'you're being racist' you must be of the thinking that they are different but we shouldn't say it 'out loud'. This in itself is an example of treating them differently...

 

It's hard to explain.....

[Guest Sam]

The ones who complain about racism are the most racist ones of all I always find. By picking up on every f****** thing that anyone says and turning it to 'you're being racist' you must be of the thinking that they are different but we shouldn't say it 'out loud'. This in itself is an example of treating them differently...

 

It's hard to explain.....

Or perhaps it's just bollocks?

[Shearergol]

The ones who complain about racism are the most racist ones of all I always find. By picking up on every fucking thing that anyone says and turning it to 'you're being racist' you must be of the thinking that they are different but we shouldn't say it 'out loud'. This in itself is an example of treating them differently...

 

It's hard to explain.....

 

What a load of shite.

[Yorkie]

This thread is like some kind of anthropological experiment mixed with one of those science dishes used for growing fungus.

 

My contribution.

 

I was once working at a Mexico vs Poland match in Chicago, standing on the field in the corner by the Mexican fans.  When they scored, they all threw their beers in the air and soaked me.  Mexico was bossing the match, so I got smart and moved to the Polish corner.  Of course, Poland equalized five minutes later and I got doused again.  I had a delightful aroma for the post-match festivities.

 

EDIT: I'm 5'10" and right-handed so everyone thought this was pretty hilarious.

 

Would have been funnier if you were left handed.

[Colocho]

Well it wasn't at the match, but after the game yesterday when the police took the buses through an estate of terraced houses.

 

This little kid, probably about 6 or 7 ( not of an english orogin ) was on his bike with his mam and a few of his brothers/mates whatver.

When our bus was going past him, he decided to look at our bus, taking his eyes off where he was going, and rode straight into a lampost and went over his handlebars.

I know it's probably not funny to laugh, but everyone on our bus was howling. I still couldn't stop laughing about 5 minutes later.

 

Sorry for the thread-starter, but i had to let it out 

 

Anyone else seen or done anything daft while at a game ?

 

 

This post says a lot about the person you are.

[Jamie]

Well it wasn't at the match, but after the game yesterday when the police took the buses through an estate of terraced houses.

 

This little kid, probably about 6 or 7 ( not of an english orogin ) was on his bike with his mam and a few of his brothers/mates whatver.

When our bus was going past him, he decided to look at our bus, taking his eyes off where he was going, and rode straight into a lampost and went over his handlebars.

I know it's probably not funny to laugh, but everyone on our bus was howling. I still couldn't stop laughing about 5 minutes later.

 

Sorry for the thread-starter, but i had to let it out 

 

Anyone else seen or done anything daft while at a game ?

 

 

This post says a lot about the person you are.

Well i'm not going to start a thread about someone else am i ? 

[Guest Phil K]

 

How did you know he was "not of English origin?"

Do we yawn at this point and expect the usual tripe ending in -ist -ism or -phobic ?

 

Well it wasn't at the match, but after the game yesterday when the police took the buses through an estate of terraced houses.

 

This little kid, probably about 6 or 7 ( not of an english orogin ) was on his bike with his mam and a few of his brothers/mates whatver.

When our bus was going past him, he decided to look at our bus, taking his eyes off where he was going, and rode straight into a lampost and went over his handlebars.

I know it's probably not funny to laugh, but everyone on our bus was howling. I still couldn't stop laughing about 5 minutes later.

 

Sorry for the thread-starter, but i had to let it out 

 

Anyone else seen or done anything daft while at a game ?

 

 

This post says a lot about the person you are.

 

And it doesn't say a lot positive about you, either

 

For f**k sake,  Jamie was telling a funny story, nothing more,  give the bloke a break. Looks like political correctness has reached this forum in a big way 

 

Humourless pillocks who should listen to 5live less and not read the Grauniad or Independent so much

Both should carry a Government Health Warning about the risk of seriously inflates your ego.

[Mick]

Do we yawn at this point and expect the usual tripe ending in -ist -ism or -phobic

 

 

I'm not sure, you'll only change your mind later anyway.  

[Guest fraser]

Jenas slotting into the side netting on his return to SJP for Spurs and receiving a standing ovation as he trudged (there is no other word to describe it) back up the pitch to a standing ovation; the twat.

[Colocho]

Jenas slotting into the side netting on his return to SJP for Spurs and receiving a standing ovation as he trudged (there is no other word to describe it) back up the pitch to a standing ovation; the t***.