Wor Flags: visit worflags.org.uk/donate to support future displays

[JonBez comesock]

On 06/11/2024 at 14:21, jack j said:

Hopefully it's not the Liverpool game. Their fans don't give him half the respect he deserves for what he done with them

Surely it’s a game he is going to attend or he might not see it in all its glory ?

 

either way - great idea and well deserved 

 

it will fire up a great atmosphere 

[gdm]

On 03/11/2024 at 17:12, Heron said:

My two boys passed away around 5 weeks ago mate. They were only a day and a week old respectively like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just saw this mate. As a father who has experienced baby loss. You have my deepest sympathy and I hope you and your partner are doing ok. 

[Heron]

11 minutes ago, gdm said:

just saw this mate. As a father who has experienced baby loss. You have my deepest sympathy and I hope you and your partner are doing ok. 

So sorry to hear of this mate.

 

I hope you and your partner are also okay too and have managed to find a new "normal"?

 

Early doors for us but we're finding our way. Some more difficult discussions in the coming weeks with the hospital etc. But then we can hopefully draw a line under it all and just remember the boys for who they were.

 

 

 

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Heron

[gdm]

4 minutes ago, Heron said:

So sorry to hear of this mate.

 

I hope you and your partner are also okay too and have managed to find a new "normal"?

 

Early doors for us but we're finding our way. Some more difficult discussions in the coming weeks with the hospital etc. But then we can hopefully draw a line under it all and just remember the boys for who they were.

 

 

 

 

 

We are doing ok thanks. It was back in 2018. Strangely enough my wife just recorded a podcast episode for a baby loss charity which I listened to today and I think I blocked a lot of stuff out back then. 
 

your boys will never be forgotten mate. I hope you can come thru those difficult coming weeks and as you say remember them for who they were.

[Paully]

On 03/11/2024 at 17:12, Heron said:

My two boys passed away around 5 weeks ago mate. They were only a day and a week old respectively like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aww mate - so sorry to hear this -thoughts with you and all the family 

[Heron]

50 minutes ago, gdm said:

We are doing ok thanks. It was back in 2018. Strangely enough my wife just recorded a podcast episode for a baby loss charity which I listened to today and I think I blocked a lot of stuff out back then. 
 

your boys will never be forgotten mate. I hope you can come thru those difficult coming weeks and as you say remember them for who they were.

This is comforting (is probably the best word I can use to describe) to hear. We are helping out at TinyLives next week and it's interesting to learn that your wife has also taken positive strides to help others and ease the pain.

 

Feel free to drop me a line should you ever feel the need to.

[Heron]

46 minutes ago, Paully said:

Aww mate - so sorry to hear this -thoughts with you and all the family 

Cheers mate

[Decky]

Condolences @Heron mate. You're a good lad and very well thought of on here so if you ever need to talk man.

[gdm]

6 hours ago, Heron said:

This is comforting (is probably the best word I can use to describe) to hear. We are helping out at TinyLives next week and it's interesting to learn that your wife has also taken positive strides to help others and ease the pain.

 

Feel free to drop me a line should you ever feel the need to.

we raised £6.5k to help open a bereavement suite in the hospital which is basically a place families can go away from the labour ward so you are away from crying babies and other families. I’ll never forget the day we left the hospital without our daughter and we had to walk past room after room of newborn babies and their parents and thru a group of people bringing teddies and balloons. So now hopefully that won’t happen to others. 
 

appreciate it mate and likewise to you. 

 

 

Edited 13 hours ago by gdm

[Heron]

8 hours ago, Decky said:

Condolences @Heron mate. You're a good lad and very well thought of on here so if you ever need to talk man.

Cheers mate!

 

 

Edited 10 hours ago by Heron

[Heron]

2 hours ago, gdm said:

we raised £6.5k to help open a bereavement suite in the hospital which is basically a place families can go away from the labour ward so you are away from crying babies and other families. I’ll never forget the day we left the hospital without our daughter and we had to walk past room after room of newborn babies and their parents and thru a group of people bringing teddies and balloons. So now hopefully that won’t happen to others. 
 

appreciate it mate and likewise to you. 

 

 

 

If this was at the RVI then my wife and I very likely benefited from this. Don't underestimate the importance of that- ever.

 

At 17 weeks there were concerns my wife's waters had broken and we were on a ward with women who were all 36 weeks (or so) pregnant listening to their babies heartbeats and talking about due dates. They too obviously had problems but nothing like what we were facing at that moment in time. There were several other issues and we made a complaint which ended up going to the matron. Just a bit of.lack of thought and tbh - probably a lack of funding/facilities which we very considerate or in our criticisms. Less so with other concerns.

 

On the ICU once the bairns were born 6 weeks later they moved all the bairns around in their incubators to have just our two boys in when Nicolò passed away. They then moved him to a quiet room or "bereavement suite" whilst they cared for Matteo. As horrible and sad as it was, it was extremely well thought out and considerations I hadn't even made were being offered to us (about Nicolòs space in the bay being taken, for example). But the bereavement suite offered us a chance to get away from the beeps and buzzes and sit with our boy(s) once they passed.

 

We now have a room at home which has taken just some of those ideas (so to not dwell on it too much) but to offer us peace and comfort and a safe space to grieve.

 

Excellent work mate.

 

 

Edited 10 hours ago by Heron

[gdm]

14 minutes ago, Heron said:

If this was at the RVI then my wife and I very likely benefited from this. Don't underestimate the importance of that- ever.

 

At 17 weeks there were concerns my wife's waters had broken and we were on a ward with women who were all 36 weeks (or so) pregnant listening to their babies heartbeats and talking about due dates. They too obviously had problems but nothing like what we were facing at that moment in time. There were several other issues and we made a complaint which ended up going to the matron.

 

On the ICU once the bairns were born 6 weeks later they moved all the bairns around in their incubators to have just our two boys in when Nicolò passed away. They then moved him to a quiet room or "bereavement suite" whilst they cared for Matteo. As horrible and sad as it was, it was extremely well thought out and considerations I hadn't even made were being offered to us (about Nicolòs space in the bay being taken, for example). But the bereavement suite offered us a chance to get away from the beeps and buzzes and sit with our boy(s) once they passed.

 

We now have a room at home which has taken just some of those ideas (so to mot dwell on it too much) bur to.offer us peace and comfort and a safe space to grieve.

 

Excellent work mate.

it was in Scotland but it’s comforting to know there are such facilities elsewhere. it’s a horrendous time that no one should have to go thru. 
 

tbh my wife was the driving force for everything afterwards even trying again which resulted in a miscarriage before trying again where our youngest was born. If we didn’t communicate and hold each other up I suspect I’d have fell apart. Theres even a video we did along with other couples talking about our experience that midwives in Scotland now watch as part of their training to help understand the bereavement side of the job. I said about 2 words mind
 

it’s not an easy discussion to have or for anyone reading this to read but talking about your boys will always help. 
 

as a wee aside. My wife has done amazing work at her work place where there is now a policy to help bereaved parents. Me? Well when I went back to work I got hit with a first stage warning for attendance 

 

 

Edited 10 hours ago by gdm

[Stifler]

On 03/11/2024 at 17:12, Heron said:

My two boys passed away around 5 weeks ago mate. They were only a day and a week old respectively like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only just heard about this mate.

My deepest sympathies goes out to you and your family.

[Heron]

5 minutes ago, Stifler said:

Only just heard about this mate.

My deepest sympathies goes out to you and your family.

Cheers!

[1964]

Unimaginable, you're amazing to be able to express yourself Heron

[Heron]

17 minutes ago, gdm said:

it was in Scotland but it’s comforting to know there are such facilities elsewhere. it’s a horrendous time that no one should have to go thru. 
 

tbh my wife was the driving force for everything afterwards even trying again which resulted in a miscarriage before trying again where our youngest was born. If we didn’t communicate and hold each other up I suspect I’d have fell apart. Theres even a video we did along with other couples talking about our experience that midwives in Scotland now watch as part of their training to help understand the bereavement side of the job. I said about 2 words mind
 

it’s not an easy discussion to have or for anyone reading this to read but talking about your boys will always help. 
 

as a wee aside. My wife has done amazing work at her work place where there is now a policy to help bereaved parents. Me? Well when I went back to work I got hit with a first stage warning for attendance 

 

 

 

Both of our managers and workplaces have been phenomenal throughout to be honest. We will be heading back to work when the time is right but ultimately aiming towards the back end of November. So we will see if any of that changes then. Makes me absolutely sick to think that you got a warning for attendance in those circumstances.

 

I promised my boys, wherever possible I'd do positive things in their name and so if speaking about it or doing something to help other families is a good method of doing so I will look to do that amongst other things.

 

Where we go from here is yet to be discussed and decided but as you say - one of the few positives from all of this as it has brought my wife and I closer together than before and we are sticking together through it all, especially on those darker days.

 

Don't want to sound to preachy or anything but I am so glad to hear that your approach was similar to ours in that, in the darkness you have tried to find (and have succeeded) in making light.

[Heron]

7 minutes ago, 1964 said:

Unimaginable, you're amazing to be able to express yourself Heron

Cheers - I have to be as I am a passionate and emotive guy - otherwise I'd self destruct. Just don't want to be a misery either mind

[gdm]

2 minutes ago, Heron said:

Both of our managers and workplaces have been phenomenal throughout to be honest. We will be heading back to work when the time is right but ultimately aiming towards the back end of November. So we will see if any of that changes then. Makes me absolutely sick to think that you got a warning for attendance in those circumstances.

 

I promised my boys, wherever possible I'd do positive things in their name and so if speaking about it or doing something to help other families is a good method of doing so I will look to do that amongst other things.

 

Where we go from here is yet to be discussed and decided but as you say - one of the few positives from all of this as it has brought my wife and I closer together than before and we are sticking together through it all, especially on those darker days.

 

Don't want to sound to preachy or anything but I am so glad to hear that your approach was similar to ours in that, in the darkness you have tried to find (and have succeeded) in making light.

yeah i think it was the manager at the time that was the problem not so much the company (he also gave warnings for a guy who’s wife had cancer and a woman who’s mum had died) he’s since been moved to a different office. 
 

yeah absolutely the best way is to stick together and do positive moves in their name. 

[andyman]

Wow. What a rough read these last pages were. I'm so sorry, @Heron. Thoughts and prayers to you and your wife and all affected by the situation. I don't know you and you don't know me, but you always come across as a fantastic guy on here. Like others have said, feel free to reach out if ever needed.

[Heron]

6 minutes ago, andyman said:

Wow. What a rough read these last pages were. I'm so sorry, @Heron. Thoughts and prayers to you and your wife and all affected by the situation. I don't know you and you don't know me, but you always come across as a fantastic guy on here. Like others have said, feel free to reach out if ever needed.

Cheers mate!

 

And apologies for the rough read - everyone! But thank you all for the kind comments and sharing of experiences.