Kitman

Ah, yes. Think you have just managed to undermine the entire premise of this thread there. Nice one. http://www.legendarytv.com/the_a-team/images/George_Peppard_hannibal_2.jpg Not welcome here!

IIRC, a DoF is what clubs with "plans" go for, and therefore not needed at NUFC.

If it was the Eurovision, I was hoping for this http://www.animalize.de/LORDI.jpg but got this instead http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41669000/jpg/_41669078_dazbigafp.jpg

Picture the scene: you're a lazy local journalist. Maybe you've been out on the lash all night. Or strumping the local tart all afternoon. You're about to knock off for a scarcely earned pint or three when the chief editor rings you up. Where's that NUFC article you promised? Shit, you forgot?! Well worry not, just use the patented Kitman DIY Player's interview! Just insert/delete as necessary and you'll be down the pub before you can say Anal O Vulva! :icon_biggrin: "I am speaking with [insert player's name] just a day after the [latest/shock/usual] defeat against [insert opposition club] . The [pain/indifference/felt tip moustache] is clearly still on his face as he opens his heart to [insert local paper's name here]. "We've let [ourselves/the fans/the club/Terry Mac's tyres] down again. We can't go on like this. We've got to stop being a soft touch or we will get [punished/beaten/arrested] again." [insert player's name here] struggles to explain what went wrong. "I can't explain it. We have a side full of [quality internationals/determination/overpaid tossers] and it shouldn't happen. But it does again and again and it's got to stop." [insert player's name here] is aware of the criticism from certain quarters. "We understand how the fans feel. We feel it too. All the boys were [hurting/devastated/spit roasting a cockney tart in Titus's hotel room] after the match. People say we don't [care/ try/ wash each other's testicles in the shower] but we do. It's another season of disappointment, but next season has got to be different" But [insert player's name here] has a message for the long suffering fans. "We know we have [the best fans/the most loyal fans/the fattest chairman] in the game and one day we'll win something for them. And I want to be [here/there/playing for Arsenal] when it happens." And as I sit here, I think next year might just be our year. Meanwhile, news reaches me that a clutch of major stars will be arriving at SJP in the summer. And I am told that estimates of a transfer kitty of £30-50m are not far wide of the mark. And if the names that are being bandied around in the corridors materialise, we will be in for a mouth watering season. Fans are reminded next year's season tickets must be renewed by the end of the month."

I think they'd want more money for those two :icon_biggrin:

Any team would have struggled with the amount of injuries we've had

"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining", as they said in The Outlaw Josey Wales

I suspect the people living around Leazes Terrace might not be so keen on that......

Won't Freddy lose his parking space if this goes through?

We'll have the highest capacity of any championship club at this rate

http://news.pipex.com/Images/SvenGoranErikssonPIPEX.jpg "Hello Freddy. Manager of Noo-cassell? Well it's not ee-see, I can tell you that. We will need lots of money of course. Oh, there's no money? Goodbye Freddy".

Reminds me of a note Noel Coward once sent to a hostile critic: "I am sitting in the smallest room in the house. I have your review before me; it will shortly be behind me"

Now I KNOW this has to be an April Fools joke

How does anyone know Roeder is a nice bloke ? He might slap his missus about and have an unhealthy interest in farmyard animals for what most peope know. And what if he is a canny bloke ? so is my next dooe neighbour and I don't want him managing Newcastle either. He's a dirty cockerknee donkey shagger, I suspected as much! Well done thenorthumbrian for bring this to light....now let's hound the filthy pervert out of town before he damages our club further! Does anyone have a pitchfork? Not that I'm one for a baseless rumour, mind you :icon_biggrin: Baseless shmaseless. The man clearly bums asses. The East End Ass Master. Roeder is cockney rhyming slang for donkey bummer, FACT! :icon_biggrin:

I can imagine the scene: "I don't understand people who resign. I've never walked away from anything in my life. When you've been through what I've been through you don't quit. I'm not a quitter and never will be. No-one can say Glenn Roeder quit." * Phone rings * "Hello Mr Chairman. Oh. Well if that's how you feel. If you want me to quit then I'll quit. I'll get my things together and be off then".

I'm warming to this idea. How about some circus clown music when we line up to defend a corner? :icon_biggrin:

Actually I just thought of one refinement they could make: when the Board of directors take their seats they could play the Laurel & Hardy theme music :icon_biggrin:

Works for the smoggies doesn't it? Nuh nuh nuh nuh nah, nuh nuh ner ner Awful. I'm not in favour personally.

How does anyone know Roeder is a nice bloke ? He might slap his missus about and have an unhealthy interest in farmyard animals for what most peope know. And what if he is a canny bloke ? so is my next dooe neighbour and I don't want him managing Newcastle either. He's a dirty cockerknee donkey shagger, I suspected as much! Well done thenorthumbrian for bring this to light....now let's hound the filthy pervert out of town before he damages our club further! Does anyone have a pitchfork? Not that I'm one for a baseless rumour, mind you :icon_biggrin:

No, he hasn't, but until recently, over 60% of the people who were reading nufc-online.com thought he was actually the right man to turn things around. He was never the right man, but he's just a scapegoat while the guy whose responsibility is the greatest, Freddy Shepherd, gets away with all kinds of b***s**t. I think you've got to include the Halls if you're pointing fingers

I guess so but selling good players is never popular with the fans. I guess proper scouting/youth development might be the future for us anyway if there's no more money stuffed in the mattress.....

Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Interesting. Are you suggesting that a company's financial results has no bearing whatsoever on its market price? Where do you think this 'share buyer confidence' comes from? If a company has no cash and is performing badly, do you think confidence is retained by paying dividends? Are you aware that companies forecast their results to the stock market. What do you think analysts do? How are markets made in shares? Exactly, our financial results are s***. So combined with no dividends why would anynone keep their shares? It has f*** all to do with keeping money in the bank I ask you do you think a shareholder invests in a s*** football club with a falling share price and a zero dividend, just because they have cash in the bank? You class keeping money in the bank the same as a predicting a good financial year? That money has to go somewhere, you think potential investors have any illusion that NUFC plc has a history of using cash wisely? Luque anyone? I think we're getting somewhere here. It's up to the shareholders as to what their investment strategy is. If the Halls or the Shepherds sell their shares, it doesn't necessarily impact the share price adversely. You can see that even the prospect of them selling out in recent times has pushed the price up. The Board is supposed to evaluate the long term financing needs of the business before it pays dividends. Our Board isn't sufficiently independent and has been heavily criticised for its lack of corporate governance. It's good that you're concerned for the shareholders but it's not like a FTSE 100 company - the majority of shares are in private hands and they are not going to dump their stock on the market I think the bottom line is that football clubs don't make good PLC's as they are not blue sky operations.. I mean a football club will never have the potential to grow the business indefinately as the market for revenues has a ceiling. Even with ManU oft quoted as one of the most tasty investment snacks current turnover is £177m (double ours), even in 10 years they don't have the ability to double that, which over a decade is the basic goal of most small/medium operations. Infact if it hadn't been for the SKY deals, I'm not sure that more than 4/5 PL clubs the businesses would have grown at all. There are market/diminishing returns risk to increasing ticket prices, there is a limit to sponsorship and prixe money. I guess as Vic pointed out, an attractive investment gives you certainty of return. The trouble with most clubs is their business model doesn't provide that, in fact Man Utd is just about the only one that does. Too much is dependent on results on the pitch, and your star can rise or fall depending on whether you have a fuckwit Scottish manager or your star striker does his knee in playing for England. Our club has a whole load of addtional problems and it's only the Sky money that keeps the whole damn party going imo. I suppose the one big hope is that football explodes worldwide but I wouldn't expect our Board to capture that opportunity if it came along.

Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Interesting. Are you suggesting that a company's financial results has no bearing whatsoever on its market price? Where do you think this 'share buyer confidence' comes from? If a company has no cash and is performing badly, do you think confidence is retained by paying dividends? Are you aware that companies forecast their results to the stock market. What do you think analysts do? How are markets made in shares? Exactly, our financial results are s***. So combined with no dividends why would anynone keep their shares? It has f*** all to do with keeping money in the bank I ask you do you think a shareholder invests in a s*** football club with a falling share price and a zero dividend, just because they have cash in the bank? You class keeping money in the bank the same as a predicting a good financial year? That money has to go somewhere, you think potential investors have any illusion that NUFC plc has a history of using cash wisely? Luque anyone? I think we're getting somewhere here. It's up to the shareholders as to what their investment strategy is. If the Halls or the Shepherds sell their shares, it doesn't necessarily impact the share price adversely. You can see that even the prospect of them selling out in recent times has pushed the price up. The Board is supposed to evaluate the long term financing needs of the business before it pays dividends. Our Board isn't sufficiently independent and has been heavily criticised for its lack of corporate governance. It's good that you're concerned for the shareholders but it's not like a FTSE 100 company - the majority of shares are in private hands and they are not going to dump their stock on the market, the club does NOT need to pay them dividends to preserve its share price. I expect any analysts would heavily criticise the company for doing so. As to your last comment, I think you may have misunderstood my point. If you pay the money out by dividend, it's gone. The point is the Board is supposed to review whether it needs the money BEFORE it pays it out. If you think it's better that the Board pays out any surplus money before they get the chance to spend it, well, they should be sacked in that case and a competent Board put in its place.

Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Interesting. Are you suggesting that a company's financial results has no bearing whatsoever on its market price? Where do you think this 'share buyer confidence' comes from? If a company has no cash and is performing badly, do you think confidence is retained by paying dividends? Are you aware that companies forecast their results to the stock market. What do you think analysts do? How are markets made in shares? Enron Kitty Enron.....Or as I like to end my lectures with the phrase "Everything is everything". Analysts can be bought. blueyes.gif Enron was interesting in that the company was as I understand it making its own market in its shares. Vic is right in that for the larger plcs, market capitalisation impacts credit ratings etc but also just as importantly the institutional shareholders who fire the management. Plus share plans for senior executives. Might interest you that I met David Bermingham a couple of times, one of the NatWest 3 now deported to Houston. Nice bloke and not a criminal mastermind type. That case is another whole can of worms.

Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Me too Or turn it the other way around... What happens to our ability to borrow/pay off loans when all the cash in the company has been given away? I am seriously interested in what happens when shareholders sell up. My site is there to try and explain the clu's finances. I totally accept I'm no more than a keen amateur in these things, and I need to know more. If you have a good concise explanation of what difference it would make if the share price went down, or up, then I will happily include it. (It has to have no jargon in it ) As far as not paying dividends having a negative effect on share-price, surely it doesn't make any difference ? Pay dividends and business has less assets and is worth less, so share price drops, investors see some short term gain so buy. So share price nets out as unchanged. Don't pay dividends and business is worth more so share price rises, but has less short term enticement to an investor so the price nets out as unchanged. Roughly you really don't get this shares lark do you? shreholders make money in two ways, price increases and divis. If the share price is falling and there are no divis, there is no point in owning shares share price is purely refelcted by share buyer confidence, and has absolutely nothing to do with whether the company has money in the bank or as you put it 'the company's worth' (unless you honestly believe that someone would buy shares in a s*** football club just because they have some cash). The company's worth is the share price. Share price dictates a companies market capitalisation (hope that's not too jargony for you, but it's a standard term). MC is a key measure for plc's and dictates credit limits and repayment rates. Interesting. Are you suggesting that a company's financial results has no bearing whatsoever on its market price? Where do you think this 'share buyer confidence' comes from? If a company has no cash and is performing badly, do you think confidence is retained by paying dividends? Are you aware that companies forecast their results to the stock market. What do you think analysts do? How are markets made in shares?