S.S.R.

[Mitchell and Webb] What possible reason could there be for you not to ring in and tell us - Certainly ignorance and a speech impediment shouldn't be a bar. You may not have actually seen the game, but I bet you reckon something. So why not tell us what you reckon? Let us enjoy the full majesty of your uninformed ad-hoc reckon.[/Mitchell and Webb]

Viduka's celebration was the fastest he moved today.

Alternatively, ref bizarrely allows game to continue depsite heavy snowfall. We use all subsitutes and an injury to Faye reduces us to ten men. Keegan has the bright idea of building a snowman to partner Taylor in central defence. Wheater breaks leg in Boro's game, and Taylor's ego takes another hammering as Capello calls up 'Mr Frosty' ahead of him. But tragedy strikes as Carr puts him between two wafers and eats him with chocolate syrup.

Newcastle go 3-0 up in a ten minute flurry in the first half. Flurry of snow in the 2nd and the game is abandoned.

Tickets are still availiable from the SJP Box Office and via 0191 261 1571

Good player but he's a Londoner and left Wigan because he thought it was too far north. He might have some issues with us on that front tbh. He wouldn't come? That's a tragedy. Had my hopes up there.

Didn't realise you were Scottish.

You could understand if we couldn't shift Smith, but I'd be hugely disappointed if Carr is still here in August, as it would mean he'd have been awarded a new contract.

Riise? Why stop there? C'mon Kev, make bids for Heskey, Kewell, Scholes and Tugay. Now for the title!

It's actually an abreviation of his old nickname at NUFC - Part man, part tatie. Or maybe one of our French speaking players said 'Partez, sil vous plait' to him, and he took it as a compliment, thinking it meant 'Party Pleaser'.

Emre has been availiable for all Turkey's games this season, oddly.

It's a simile and metaphor-riddled mess, but his observations are bang on. Well, I say bang on, what I actually mean is that they coincide with my views.

You've clearly done your research and know the man inside out. same difference. point still stays the same no matter how he spells his name Fair point.

You've clearly done your research and know the man inside out.

Because managers with mediocre records normally take French clubs to the Champions League Final in recent times. In the same way that managers with mediocre records normally take s***, mid-table at best English clubs to UEFA Cup finals in recent times? It's one thing taking Boro to a UEFA Cup Final, and another taking a French club to the Champions League final. Without a couple of spawny cup wins against Real and Chelsea, he'd have nothing. If Celtic had managed a flukey result at Barca, they'd only have to beat Shalke for you to think Strachan was the next Mourinho. Barnsley beat Chelsea and Liverpool, should we go for their manager?

He was the best candidate from the ones apparently willing to do the job. Harry Redknapp and Mark Hughes aren't fit to lace his boots, and the enthusiasm for the overrated Deschamps wouldn't have been there for a more obscure name with a similarly mediocre record. He did great work at both Fulham and Man City, but everyone seems to be taken in by the joke figure the London media try to portray him as. Three clubs wouldn't be in the Premiership this season if it wasn't for him.

From .com: Are they on glue?

Given that contracts seemingly only seem to tie the club to the player, and not vice versa, is it worth offering anything longer than two years? If a player signed to us for x number of years - N'Zogbia for instance - wants to go, all he has to do is put a pet lip on - okay, I see how Charlie is a bad example - and he can leave. But, if the player we tie down for x years turns out to be a crock, or simply doesn't want to play for us - Babayaro and Luque etc, etc - We're stuck with them for the duration of the deal. Rolling contracts are the future - Wages based on the performance of the previous season.

...and they wonder why people stay home and post shite on messageboards.

Looking at Bolton and Sunderland's fixtures, I've only just noticed how similar they are to each other. The last eight games include a game against each other, three identical home games, one identical away game and a away or home game against the same team. The crucial difference is that the remaining two away fixtures are against struggling sides for Sunderland, while Bolton play a pair out of the top three. Half of our fixtures are similar to Bolton's, with two identical games and two games against the same side home or away. If we at least match their results in the similar games, that would leave them four games - All against top half teams - to overhaul a 5-9 point deficit providing we avoid defeat in our next two home games.

I've thought about it - Can I laugh now?

He battled them out of the game 2nd half, you are bound to lose the ball at times but what you have to do is winit back and Barton did this every time. Use the defrost setting next time. It may yield better results.

I'm assuming that every one who thought Barton's performance was anything other than a disgrace were watching the game on their microwave.

Is that what you meant? No, his mother should have had two abortions.

Viduka was our best player in the first half, which probably shows how badly we played.