oldtype

Dear Michael Owen, how does it feel to be a "world class" striker who's being dominated by Robert Huth and a fucking Middlesbrough reserve player.

I've no doubt that Martins would come out and get two or three clear chances against this lot... ...and Sky them all to row Z. Would rather have Lovenkrands on.

We need to reshuffle our attack a bit... Lovenkrands on for Owen might not be the worst of ideas with Martins eventually coming on for Viduka.

we really need to take the lead before Viduka gets knackered. He's all we have on the attack right now.

fuck, I'm much more scared of Marlon King than I am of Alves

Bassong is looking extremely shaky tonight for some reason. Pressure getting to him?

non-existent central midfield, weak as piss, no pace on the counter, falls apart for set pieces, can't finish to save their life... Boro are us.

Unsurprisingly, despite all the attacking movement we've put together so far, Michael Owen still finds a way to be invisible.

This Shawky lad is just about the worst player ever isn't he

jesus christ how shit ar eBoro. We're dominating their central midfield. I can't believe this I just said that.

Come on Nicky thanks for the tackles but please stop trying to pretend you're Xabi

TAYLOR! YES! Our most clinical finisher

I suppose this is how teams get relegated.

fucking hell this is going to be fucking impossible. Why the fuck did that have to happen today.

I give up on life

sweet baby jesus. win please.

fucking shit I'm really hungry but I can't eat because I feel like I'll throw up.

Gooch throws them harder, but he can't make them fly on a low arc at wicked speed like Delap can. Onyewu's long throws are pretty much just corner kicks. (Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just not as impressive as Delap)

The way our luck is going atm, a Boro CB brings down Martins in the box, the referee would probably give them a penalty. even if we got a pen there is no-one in our team i would be confident in stepping up and taking it. Strangely enough if Ameobi was playing I'd be more confident in him scoring it then any of the rest Then again Viduka is surely good at pens?? Nolan's pretty good at taking pens... ...just saying

Well yeah, I just mean it's been bloody ages since we scored from a speculative smash at goal. Cant actually remember the last goal scored by us from distance It was probably Emre against Reading 2006/2007. I kid you not. Can we get them to dress in Black and White stripes and then play Ryan Taylor?

Have UEFA institute a continent-wide salary cap. There are a lot of crappy rules in American sports but this is one part where they got it right. It would be kind of funny if the result is that all the good players will just move to the middle east.

Lupoli Wannabe Maradona in the making I see

I remember when Neil Mellor was supposed to be the next Michael Owen. Not much difference between them now. I know he's not our player but you shouldn't insult Neil Mellor like that

I've always wondered, would it be such a bad idea to give the UEFA cup winners a spot in the Champions League the following season? They are "champions" after all and it seems like a better way of giving the competition some meaning than some funky name change.