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That's the first time since we bought him that I've ever voluntarily put Alan Smith's name on a preferred team sheet. He's still a bag of utterly useless shit but on the last three matches I'd have him over Butt.

Harper Beye Coloccini Bassong Duff Guthrie Smith Lovenkrands Owen Jonas Viduka typing out that teamsheet and knowing that it's probably the best we can scrounge together is enough to make me suicidal.

What keeps me going these days is the fact that the unlikely event of staying up on the last day at the expense of Sunderland will probably be the greatest joy I've ever experienced as an NUFC supporter.

what a travesty for English football it is that two of us, Sunderland, Boro, and Hull get to stay up. All four teams deserve relegation a thousand times more than any of the non-Derby teams involved in the scrap last year. Absolutely f***ing pathetic sides with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. EDIT: and I'm not even mentioning the fact that Blackburn and Stoke are already safe

prayer is all I have to offer. Even if Hull walk away from this with nothing they've got Stoke at home next week. Can't see them going the rest of the season winless. It's probably Sunderland that we'll end up having to catch.

15 million on Barton, Rozhenal, Smith, as well as large contracts for Geremi, Cacapa, and Viduka. Rivals Souness as our worst ever transfer dealer.

I'm afraid I disagree, his ball retention was f***ing awful. Weaker than water, just got nudged off the ball time and again. Correctly removed at the interval. Agree with Pilko. He's very, very poor technically and was incredibly average again - first game in a while though I suppose. Just not convinced he's got the stuff required, but then again who has? Also agree with the Barton stuff. I do think the red was harsh, personally, but I'm angry with Barton for even giving that c*** of a referee the chance to send him off. You could see he was nursing a semi as he reached for his red to send off Big Bad Joey. f***ing arsehole. You could see the fucking arse of the referee absolutely glowing in unadulterated joy as he reached for his pocket. Probably thinking to himself that he was going to be the hero that ended Joey Barton's career. Doesn't take away from Barton's stupidity though. You know he's going to be out to get you. Why make the reckless challenge when you're not even in a dangerous area?

Similar, but I'd say I'm probably about a 7 or an 8. Think we've got more than a 10% chance of sticking around. We're one freak win for Sunderland or Hull away from being dead and buried. I think 10% is being pretty generous.

I'm pretty sure the atmosphere will be horrible. They got the crowd all pumped up for Pompey and then the players let them down horribly. Crowd will be very subdued and will start jumping on the players' backs the minute the first mistake happens.

Alves... Scoring? Does not compute

One of the Rosenborg ressies told me a few days back that Skjelbred had said that if we came in for him in the summer, he'd come regardless of our division status as he wants to play under Shearer. It would be just like this club to fail to sign one of Europe's up and coming talents when he's practically begging to come here even if we're in the Championship.

I foresee an epic 0-0 draw condemning both clubs to relegation.

It's a bit of a travesty that two of us, Sunderland, Hull, and Boro get to stay in the Premiership. Four absolutely hopeless, irredeemable piece of shit sides.

On a parallel world somewhere, he would have overcome his mental problems, avoided injury, and become a cracking player and England international. Instead, the next time he plays football it will probably be in the Championship either with us (hopefully not,) or some other desperate club.

aye, he has to be sacked now Motherfucker should be given his marching orders in the morning. Idiot.

It was never a red but there was absolutely no reason in fucking hell to make that challenge when the game is gone, the opposition player isn't in a dangerous area, and your name is fucking Joey Barton. Stupidity of the highest order.

what. the. fuck.

how the f*** was that foul not given I would be fucking livid if we had any chance of getting something out of this

I just saw Mark Viduka running. Fuck the match, this is like witnessing a minor miracle.

I just got up after getting wasted last night. Would it be worth it to turn this on or not?

Yeah, I've seen that. He plays in the American 4th division and for his college team Apparently he had a 10 day trial here and impressed against the first team in training though, so who knows. There's a little article about it here http://www.venturacountystar.com/news/2009/apr/30/a-life-changing-trip/ We've also got two youngsters coming in the summer- Femi Orenuga, a winger from Southend that Man Utd also offered a contract to, was tied up a while ago. I was reading today we've also got a German U17 lad from Hamburg that yourselves and Man City also wanted. Some people are saying he's a centre half and some are saying he's a defensive midfielder. It's always good to see your club going for youngsters who can develop Given our current predicament, that statement doesn't sound nearly as straightforward as it should be

Hopefully Shearer has learned that it's far less damaging to our overall play to just play four at the back with somebody like Edgar or Ryan Taylor or Duff playing out of position on the left side than it is to try to shoehorn the side into that awful 3-5-2 formation.

All of these Asian minnows seem to have brilliant goalies who make crazy saves whenever they play us. ("us" in this case meaning South Korea) I guess this is why.

Insomnia would've been class if we didn't buy damien duff/play him out of position.

I would like to see Taylor get the armband myself. I don't think he'd make a good captain given that he's thick as mince. Wouldn't command respect. Plus, His injury looks to be a bit worse than we thought so probably won't be back in contention for a while. Dear God, Steven Taylor might have played his last game for us