oldtype

I remember seeing a Depor game where he plugged in a shot form inside the box pretty much exactly where he was standing for that last volley in Saturday. When he took the shot time just froze for a moment and I was feeling sure that it was going to hit the back of the net. Of course, reality came calling pretty quickly Would have been such a class moment.

The Boro game will pretty much consign one of the two teams to certain relegation, that's for certain. Of course, we could just draw and go for the "both" option.

Can we have some sort of marking put on the title of threads that he's polluted so I don't accidentally walk into them?

If its that easy, you become a pro footballer. Who one of the EPL greatest strikers. I feel like NE5 in regards to this, good fun. Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you weren't allowed to slag off any of the players unless you were actually a better footballer than them Stop trolling and f*** off back to your hole please. I'm just going to stop biting before s*** hits the fan again.

To be fair, he's just about twice the finisher of our Number Nine (7 goals out of 70 shots!)

If all you can do is tuck the ball into the net when it's given to you on a plate and even then you only get to do it once every 4 times, I'm sorry but you are absolutely fucking shit. There's no other way to put it.

Basically any of the academy players in the first team(Taylor/Carrol/Edgar and downwards)

All I'm going to say is that if you went anywhere in the country right now and suggested that Owen would be a useful addition to the top 4 side, you'd be laughed out. Just like you're being done right here right now.

I'd say a striker who contributes absolutely nothing anywhere else on the pitch and plunks it straight at the keeper 14/27 of the time is exceptionally poor. Arshavin has 39/46 by the way. Adebayor has 30/35. I stopped checking after that because this was obviously going to get depressing. Hmm... I seem to be forgetting something. Oh yes. IDIOT EDIT: Jesus Christ, even Martins has 18/20

You seem to be implying like there would actually be a debate either way I'd gladly give away every player in the senior squad right now for Arshavin, never mind just Owen. I'd swap him easy for any of Arsenal's attacking players. And yes, that includes the Danish Ameobi.

As far as I'm concerned all of those were scored by a different player. So we have a striker who scores just under 50% in a s**** side and he's finished as a player? Not good enough for anywhere else, not even Newcastle. He doesnt play well for us for the simple fact he relies on service. Jonas, Butt, Nolan, R Taylor, Duff cant move the ball quick enough, beat their man, pull of a slick passing move, cant play an intelligent pass. Also the fact we aint had a target man pretty much the whole season. His first 10 in 16 don't count either. Again, different player. So that leaves us with 17 goals in 52 matches, which is just about around Afonso Alves territory. Oh, and he's on 100k a week.

As far as I'm concerned all of those were scored by a different player.

At the moment he's basically the Damien Duff of strikers. I really don't see anybody wanting him and his wages that desperately. I think just maybe if shit gets truly desperate he might try to play the hero card by going down with us to the Championship. He's a guy who gives a lot of thought to what will be good for his career/legacy and he just might think that having a storming season in the Championship and becoming a local hero in Newcastle by bringing them back up might reflect upon him better than toiling anonymously at Fulham or Wigan for a year. Not implying that any of this is particularly likely but it's an interesting thought.

Lovenkrands is pretty much tailor made to replace Martins in this, so I'd like to see that tried.

Probably get Kris Boyd or someone to play for us in the Championship.

Keegan could have not taken the job in the first place. I highly doubt he was offered it on false pretenses. i.e. "Kevin I'm giving you 30m in the summer, promise. And no Dennis isn't going to undermine you or anything, I just have him around because I like funny-looking cockney dwarves." He could have walked during the summer the minute he knew he was getting undermined. He could have walked after seeing out the season/his contract. There's any number of things Kevin Keegan could have done other than working out at the worst time possible in the most acrimonious manner possible. We'll never know, but if it was SBR or Shearer in the same position, I'm convinced they would have acted differently. But this is an old argument that we'll never agree on, so I'm willing to be smart and let it go.

What is completely beyond me is why people think you can only point the finger one way. Ashley may have loaded the gun, but Keegan pulled the trigger. There is no way Kevin Keegan walks out of this with no blame whatsoever just because our owner is a complete fucking idiot. It can't be just "you're either for Keegan or your for Ashley." That's NE5 thinking right there.

Of course mate. Fancy leaving us with only 35 games left with which to save ourselves It would be the same if he left us with 38 or 8 games to play. He knew the turmoil it would cause. SBR would have fought on and tried to get football played with what he had. SBR would have done what was best for himself, like he always has done. Fair play to him for that though. SBR bit his tongue and soldiered on when Kluivert, Butt and Carr were signed over his head and when Speed was sold behind his back. He was also never interested in managing us when we were in strife before Keegan rescued the club out in the early 90's, never used to mention how he 'bled black & white' or wanted the job when he was coveted by top european clubs. So what? He was in the thick of a highly successful international career! So I was proving how he's always done what's suited him. Howay man, I'm not claiming SBR to be the Geordie mother theresa! It's one thing to do what's best for yourself, and another to stick to a commitment you have made. When was SBR ever out of a job and turned us down? All those times he wouldn't come, he was tied down to a contract some place else, and was simply fulfilling his commitment. If he really loved us as claimed he would have came when offered the job at Barca. Don't give me any of this he was under contract stuff, as it expired at the end of that season. If he'd have thought that they were going to shaft him and bring Van Gaal in he would have left there and then. He probably assumed that he could have got an extension on his contract. I love him but please don't tell me he hasn't always done what suited SBR first. All IMO of course. I won't, as long as you don't make that Keegan did anything for us out of the goodness of his heart what's that mean then? That he of course done things what was best for him, which actually coincided with what was best for the club. Yes, it was f***ing awesome for the club that Keegan threw a fit and left wasn't it. I suppose King Kev doing the brave thing and leaving is the only reason we're only probable to be relegated and not mathematically down already? There's two things that absolutely boil my piss every time. Cock-sucking Charles Insomnia, and turning Kevin Keegan into some kind of heroic matyr for leaving us in the ditch.

The man would've been a legend of football if he'd just laid off the pies a bit. tbf, his approach to the game, and reason for him being able to do what he does best (hold the ball up), is down to him having an imposing physique which makes him hard to challenge physically against. Point taken, but there's a difference between having an imposing physique and being fat and lazy though. Imagine what he'd be like if he actually had some passion and fitness. Would've put Zlatan to shame in his prime.

The man would've been a legend of football if he'd just laid off the pies a bit.

You should try listening to the Icelandic ones. It's just like commentary for the blind, a 100% accurate commentary of what is happening at any given time. "Martins passes down to Owen, Owen gets the ball, Owen turns and crosses over to Gutierrez, Gutierrez runs with the ball and shoots way over." *camera turns to fans* "There we have some Newcastle fans singing" *camera turns to the goalkeeper* "Here comes Van Der Saar, the Man U goalkeeper, and he kicks the ball upfield" etc. you never have any analysis of any kind. Listening to Sky commentators is like listening to Gods compared to the Icelandic ones. I actually know a family of die hard Man U fans that always watches the footy muted and honestly I can't blame them. Some of my favorite words of wisdom this season: "No no no, if you are going to shoot from that range you'll have to go much closer" Yorke is preparing to come on as a sub and the commentator, having nothing useful to say, goes "Dwight Yorke is coming on, he sure knows his way around the ladies" Then everyone of them is biased as f***. The other day we had a Liverpool fan commentating a Liverpool game so in the warm-up he goes "Oh, I hope we get to hear You Never Walk Alone, that magnificent song" then of course a minute later they play it "Ok people, turn up the volume on your televisions because here it comes" , then for the whole time they were playing it he didn't utter a word, probably leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed hugging a Liverpool scarf. The Icelandic MOTD is even worse. Like everyone in the studio agreed that the penalty given in the Man U - Tottenham game was probably the right decision The Norwegian MOTD for both the Norwegian league, and the Premier League, are actually quite enjoyable. With the exception of two-three biased people from time to time. Some of the pundits actually know football as well. One of South Korea's most frequently heard casters is a Sunderland fan for some God forsaken reason. The giddiness in his voice is audible whenever we get a bad result. what channel, MBC ESPN? stupid question i suppose 'cause isn't all the football on that channel? my korean ain't so good as to have noticed his bias i must say One of the casters on MBC ESPN yeah. (They rotate several) He goes on spontaneous wankfests about Kevin Phillips whenever he sees a good forward. Was studying in the UK in 1999/2000 and attached himself to the mackems after a trip up there apparently.

I have difficulty visualizing us winning period, never mind beating Liverpool at Anfield. Might as well keep the faith I suppose. It's pointless to be mourning defeat already.

Because Butt is useless even as a free space for the opposition players to run across. I don't think it'll hit me until the Premiership restarts next season. I'll be sitting at a beer garden with a few mates watching the first match kick off at 12.30pm and realise that we're not playing [in the Premiership] that weekend. More so mate, I started to think last week what watching the Premiership is going to be like if we're not there, the whole excitement of the Premiership revolves around the team we support. We're not going down, the gods won't allow it........ Judging by our luck this season, the gods are absolutely cumming on themselves at the prospect of us going down.

Shearer should "manage" this by walking into the dressing room with a big stick and beating the entire first team senseless. He should then rip off his suit, strip the number 9 shirt off of Martins' quivering body, and put it on and start up front next week.