Ketsbaia

If you're that tall and that quick, you're basically gonna be a superstar.

TheBig_Sam has just done a mental string of tweets: There's a stray cat two streets over I'm determined to tame. My legendary motivational skills will need to be flexed. This feisty moggy has all the attributes to make it to the very top. He just needs to accept my vision & realise that - yes - I am Big Sam. Tactics, discipline, technology, desire, innovation, aggression and aptitude. These are the very vitamins that infiltrate Big Sam's body. I shall inject my vision into this feline and make him a star. If he won't accept my methods, then I'll crush him. It's really that simple. I might wear my famous ear-piece when I go out. Won't be hooked up, though. It's just for show really. So people know I'm still in the zone. ...a little bit later... The cat was a complete waste of fucking space. He didn't want to know. I tried to explain the importance of putting pressure on the keeper during set-pieces & he looked at me blankly & licked his filthy balls. I roared: "Get it up to Dioufy!" in sheer exasperation as he ignored my tactical instructions, but it was met with cold-blooded inertia. I lay crying on the street like a beaten whore. Not for the first time Big Sam has been devastated by the brutal indifference of an animal. I couldn't let him away with such blatant disrespect though. Caught up with him outside the 24-hour garage and threw him through the hatch. The look of sheer panic on that young Chinese boys face was awesome, as my right arm hurled a stinking stray cat towards him at speed. Yet again, Big Sam wins the war. Now time for a celebratory bubble bath & a touch of something I like to call 'The Very Best of Simply Red'.

Everyone loved Hughton, but Pardew comes across as a dick.

Bentley could be very good actually and he's a good crosser, but instead of being pleased I'm just worried about who we're selling. The only saleable asset that I actually want to go is Jonas. Even then, what will we do in the short tern til HBA returns? Few points though: 1) Even though it says it'll be a substantial loss to Spurs, I still think he'll be expensive. Will it be over £4-5m? And what are his current wages like? 2) He'll love the nightclubs up here 3) Bentley seems like he'd fit well with a good team spirit, but he'd have loved to work under Hughton - Pardew I'm not so sure.

If the 2011 awards have a 'Shock of the Year' category, Ronaldo picking Lovenkrands has to be considered a favourite.

I'd jizz all over Europe if we get Traore, I buy him all over the place on FM and proper love him. TWIN TOWERS FTW!!! Dunno if we could spend on Ben Arfa, Bentley and Traore though....unless.....uh-oh!

in a way, could getting 2 points be better than 3 because at least none of them would get closer to us? neither are good enough though.

There's never really a good time to say "I'd love to rattle into your daughter," is there? I have to take my hat off to the protective nature of parenthood, though. Cos I really wanted to ride this guys daughter. .....is also from TheBig_Sam

10_CJ Cameron Jerome Hi Robin @Persie_Official Well played today. Good bit of cheating too. I admired that. I hope you get a mild case of AIDS.

Totally Safe Everton, Liverpool Worrying Aston Villa, Blackpool, West Brom, Fulham In the shit West Ham, Wigan, Wolves, Birmingham, Blackburn I really wouldn't know where to put Newcastle. From a fans point of view things look bad (especially with the Carroll injury), but when you hear people talk about relegation we've never really been mentioned. So maybe from a normal perspective theres nothing to worry about and we're just panicking. West Ham could go either way because SulliGold will probably buy loads of players, and some might pay off.

weird seeing these three replies together (obviously they were for the arsenal goal.....)

Also, i know a league table is a ranking, but it never truly is the best 20 teams in order. we're better than those teams but i bet some of them finish higher than us.

need arsenal to beat birmingham or we're 2 points away. also we're 12th, but 11th are now 3 points ahead of us. lose to wigan and we're firmly stuck in 'that' group.

as if we'd finish above liverpool anyway but rooney, torres and sears scoring on the same day

Gone up to 12th again thanks to Jags

Phew!

So if Birmingham get something off Arsenal tonight (which theyre very capable of) we're two points off the zone.

Hodgson gone after this one, like.

nice one sunderland (in a purely selfish way)

Oh fuck, its West Ham vs Wolves today.

A little bit of luck, finally.

http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/Sunderland-Steve-Bruce-vows-to-lay-off-the-pies-and-beer-in-order-to-stop-fat-bastard-chants-after-turning-50-article661017.html

He's getting pissed on by West Brom! Wonder if when this all sinks in, he'll know its time to retire.....

There isn't a chance in hell that we can cope without him (unless we sign somebody. HA!) and I guess we really are in the shitter now. Would love Ranger to get his chance but thats not happening so soon after Pardew's comments. So yey!!! Shola!!!