'Hiya, is that the Alan Pardew lookalike? It is. Do you do birthday parties? That's great. Nah, it'll just be me and you because I have no one.'
When he gets there.
"But we wanted Alan Pardew, not Lt. Frank f***ing Dreben."
Who'd prefer fucking Pardew to Frank Dreben
TCD or Cronky I guess.
And Ian.