Noodles

The more I think about it - the more I'm resigned to not getting a single player of note. Might get a couple of £3-5m buys in order to make the numbers up but they'll be not one single player who comes in and improves the squad.

If I read "[insert team] has entered the race for [insert NUFC target name]" one more fucking time this week in gunna drop my pants and masturbate myself into a frenzy.

This. They would rather look abroad, probably France, and buy 3 or 4 untried players for what they'd need to pay for Austin because in their weird logic they'll think they're getting more for their money. Ashley's mantra is bulk discount. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest that he struggles to detach himself from the business model.

Back to watching men on steroids pretending to fight in their undies - there's a good chap.

They'll sign Austin too. No way we are gunna get him with Liverpool and Chelsea sniffing.

You watch every other cunts nose start twitching if we start circling Berahino. I swear down at times we are like the kid at nursery who picks up a toy and then has to fight the other little bastards who all of a sudden want it.

My man in the south reckons he doesn't want to sign for us but would jump at the chance to sign for WHU and reckons there's mileage in the Carroll on a pay as you play deal. And what's this mans background? Or is living down south enough to qualify his opinions?

All this talk of Austin/Berahino/Thauvin/Ince will soon become whoevers cheapest. We all know it, I don't even know why we get fuckin giddy.

"£70m war chest" "I will invest" Gets Jesse Lingard on loan Why am I not fucking surprised - of course it also makes perfect sense to bring in the majority of last seasons Derby side that failed to gain promotion. Sure fire recipe for capturing that elusive trophy.

One of Man U's late developing youth team. Our ambition clearly knows no bounds

cheers pal. Gets on my fuckin tits as well.

Lazy opinions by lazy journalists who feed it piecemeal to a thick and lazy "soccer am" type fan. Its easier to propagate it because it fits easily into a narrative when they wank out a match report late at night for the mornings paper. Any journo worth their salt will take one look at our fans and see its a jaded fan base, devoid of belief and confidence in the club through a series of decisions that have shown us that mediocrity is the name of the game at boardroom level. But hey fuck it - keep the nonsense flowing, it's far more entertaining to paint us as fat, pissed up, chip eating, misoginistic dinosaurs - often seen propping up the bar at the local working men's club whilst unfairly demanding success from NUFC, European football and more goals than all the collective short skirts on show in the Bigg Market. As I said - lazy writing.

Probably because the man in charge of getting players in is the same one that took 6 months to hire a replacement manager.

Bit like Hatem?

Liverpool too could be one to watch out for in this. Can guarantee him a start anyway.

Not to mention West Ham sniffing around. Oh god were gunna end up with fucking Carroll whilst they end up with Austin. . . .

I wouldn't even call it being gazumped. A more accurate description would be "not paying the going rate and losing out".

Would you not prefer someone more direct? It's rarely the case that a striker who can hold up the ball is very prolific. We need goals man.

Thauvin maybe?

Chelsea now favourites with sky bet.

Not a bad point but demand always drives the price up. He's probably the most in demand striker in the prem atm. . . .

Your probably right mate. It was more a reflection of our terrible transfer policy though tbf. Selling a decent player for what you paid for him less than a year after he signed can hardly be a described a success.

Bridge pictures aplenty

Whilst I agree with the majority of that, there's no way they can even feel our transfer policy is an overall success. Carroll and Cabaye can't be held up when there's so many Gouffrans/Williamsons/Rivieres/Yang Mbiwas Agreed, my use of 'highly successful transfer policy' didn't really come across with enough sarcasm fair enough bud

But he looks really mobile and quite quick from what I can see. Am I imagining that?! He's more like Crouch. Lanky and awkward...Fall over running style. I thought we'd bought Rivière to fill our incompetent striker quota. Hey fuck it - lets get another in.