Rod

90 minutes analysis to come after ........... 90 minutes. My bottle of Sauvignon is nearly finished so be gentle with me. I want no spelling mistakes.

Excellent tactics from Howe. The change up top has Chelsea bamboozled.

Pope is on. I now expect a comfortable 4-1 win. Yes. He is that important.

Right, I have torn up my notes on the first half all because of Miggy. Anyway here goes. I will bullit Point my observations because I don't want to turn into Stifler (winky face). . We look poor in defence because of lack of pace. . Gordon is scaring the shit out of the opposition. . We lack any ingenuity from midfield. . I can't wait for Pope to be back in goal. . Chelsea have a lot of fantastic footballers. If Poch gets them working as a team then they will be up there.

I will do my first half analysis at half time (obviously). However, I must warn you all that I am now on the Sauvignon Blanc.

Schare had 5 yards on him and the Chelsea player still won the ball. Which led to a yellow for Schare.

We are far too slow at the back.

I can't wait for the 11th August.

Very good.

If you thought the Argentina men were cheats then you want to see their women. They are a disgrace. Rolling around on the floor if a blast of fresh air hits them.

Leo Sayer?

Younguns singing sectarian songs, yet I would be looking for trouble by wearing my Toon top. According to some on here.

Great to see the younguns on the second half. I don't think some on here realised that. Moaning and groaning because it wasn't six nil.

OK then. Bruno is having a mare but understandably so.

You aren't allowed to say that.

He's a shite footballer!

He's not good but also not as bad as some are making out and I can't stand him by the way.

In the past I have worn my Newcastle top at both Rangers and Celtic. I was greeted warmly by both sets of fans. Simple rules are a) don't act like a knob and b) smile a lot.

Worst song ever.

Offences?

I honestly hadn't heard of Guimares or Isak before they signed and I always thought that I was clued up. I trust our staff immensely.

Look, we all know Hendrick is crap. However he is/was crap in the Premier league which is far superior to the championship. In my opinion he is a championship player therefore would walk into the mackem team. Is that enough logic for you Teddy?

Yes he would.

He actually would.

Another Premier league certainty then? Yes I'm still watching you.