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Morale boosting fun for Friday in advance of tomorrow's trip to the darkness

bealios

by bealios
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bealios

bealios

Posted
Posted

Picture the scene. It is May 2009. The club haven't been bought by a crazy Far Eastern billionaire, but we are now owned by a reasonably well off but sensible north eastern consortium, advised by, lets just say Bobby Robson (I've put up about 51% of the funds by the way). Newcastle have reached the FA Cup Final.

 

Joe Kinnear negotiated some tricky early rounds, including a morale boosting victory at Anfield, and a draw at Stamford Bridge, which was followed up by a penalty victory at St. James's. Joe was replaced in March by Kevin Keegan, who kept Joe on as coach because of the job he did. Joe was really cunting pleased as fuck, rejecting many job offers to stay on and finish the fucking cunting job he started and to stick it up the fuckers. Who are all cunts by the way, if it helps set the background to this story.

 

Alan Shearer has accepted the job as head coach, deciding if he didn't get involved now it was never going to happen. He decides creosote isn't that great. Alan Smith starts to shoot on target as a result of this. Chopra buys out his own contract seeing the signs of good things ahead, and is picked up by King Kev on a free transfer. Contractual irregularities mean that the mackem scum have to reimburse us for £10m. They have to release a statemrent to the press as a result of the settlement confirming that they are indeed mackem scum. Peter Beardsley is now assistant manager, and David Kelly and Les Ferdinand are now on the scouting team. Alex Mathie makes the tea. Pretty fucking spectacularly I might add. Gavin Peacock is spiritual adviser, and Phllipe Albert is our defensive coach.

 

Anyway, FA Cup final, Keegan's team have gone down to ten men after a man was sent off (lets just assume in a similar manner to when Drogba got sent of in the CL Final i.e. being a bit of a twat). Pulled it back to 1 - 1, and then put on a defensive display which leaves Mark Lawrenson marvelling at the tactical astuteness of King Kev, and apologising for any doubt he may have cast over both Newcastle and Keegan's tactical nous in general.

 

So it goes to penalties, and its 4-4, and the opposition have just taken their last penalty and missed. Our last penalty taker steps up, and rifles it in the net. Geordies go wild, and I'm in tears.

 

So the question is,

 

1. He scores, giving Newcastle the trophy they have strived after for so long, which current player would you like it to be?

 

2. In the circumstances above, which non-current player would you like it to be, assuming we signed them in January (and you're allowed to choose old players if you can give me a good reason as to why they're playing for us in May - time travel not allowed, but David McCreery coming out of retirement after discovering a wonder drug is allowed).

 

 

3. Who would it be against?

 

4. Who was sent off?

 

Assuming you have been bothered to read this far, winner gets a free ticket for whatever away match they can't get because of their Loyalty Point rating - I've just given up my ticket for tomorrow by the way on the basis I can't get to the game tomorrow and absolutely I'm gutted, I will have to watch it on Sky with my missus. Rest assured I will be sitting with my Stella at 10 am tomorrow, with you in spirit.

 

 

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Mr Logic

Mr Logic

Posted
Posted

1. Guitterez

2. Keegan, signed up as a player due to a spate of injuries leaving us with only 10 fit men at one point.

3. Man Utd, Fergusen chokes on his gum as Keegan gets the winner. :)

4. Butt

 

(Question 4 kinda spoils it, up to then it had been pure fantasy.)

 

 

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ChrisJbarnes

ChrisJbarnes

Posted
Posted

1) it would have to be Ranger, after winning us the league, scoring the equalisre and winning the golden boot.

2) Victor Moses, because he will be a good player

3) We'd have to have beaten Man United, or maybe Barnsley

4) Ameobi was sent off

 

Now, give me my free away ticket :pow:

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bealios

bealios

Posted
Posted

which non-current player

 

Huh?

 

A player who does not currently play for us

Thank you Duff for clarifying that, I didn't think it was too difficult.

 

By the way I would go for:

 

1. Ameobi

 

2. Beardsley.

 

3. Man Utd. Always.

 

4. Can't say that yet. This is the key to winning the game. Get this one right and you're in with a chance.

 

 

 

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bealios

bealios

Posted
Posted

Picture the scene. It is May 2009. The club haven't been bought by a crazy Far Eastern billionaire, but we are now owned by a reasonably well off but sensible north eastern consortium, advised by, lets just say Bobby Robson (I've put up about 51% of the funds by the way). Newcastle have reached the FA Cup Final.

 

Joe Kinnear negotiated some tricky early rounds, including a morale boosting victory at Anfield, and a draw at Stamford Bridge, which was followed up by a penalty victory at St. James's. Joe was replaced in March by Kevin Keegan, who kept Joe on as coach because of the job he did. Joe was really cunting pleased as fuck, rejecting many job offers to stay on and finish the fucking cunting job he started and to stick it up the fuckers. Who are all cunts by the way, if it helps set the background to this story.

 

Alan Shearer has accepted the job as head coach, deciding if he didn't get involved now it was never going to happen. He decides creosote isn't that great. Alan Smith starts to shoot on target as a result of this. Chopra buys out his own contract seeing the signs of good things ahead, and is picked up by King Kev on a free transfer. Contractual irregularities mean that the mackem scum have to reimburse us for £10m. They have to release a statemrent to the press as a result of the settlement confirming that they are indeed mackem scum. Peter Beardsley is now assistant manager, and David Kelly and Les Ferdinand are now on the scouting team. Alex Mathie makes the tea. Pretty fucking spectacularly I might add. Gavin Peacock is spiritual adviser, and Phllipe Albert is our defensive coach.

 

Anyway, FA Cup final, Keegan's team have gone down to ten men after a man was sent off (lets just assume in a similar manner to when Drogba got sent of in the CL Final i.e. being a bit of a twat). Pulled it back to 1 - 1, and then put on a defensive display which leaves Mark Lawrenson marvelling at the tactical astuteness of King Kev, and apologising for any doubt he may have cast over both Newcastle and Keegan's tactical nous in general.

 

So it goes to penalties, and its 4-4, and the opposition have just taken their last penalty and missed. Our last penalty taker steps up, and rifles it in the net. Geordies go wild, and I'm in tears.

 

So the question is,

 

1. He scores, giving Newcastle the trophy they have strived after for so long, which current player would you like it to be?

 

2. In the circumstances above, which non-current player would you like it to be, assuming we signed them in January (and you're allowed to choose old players if you can give me a good reason as to why they're playing for us in May - time travel not allowed, but David McCreery coming out of retirement after discovering a wonder drug is allowed).

 

 

3. Who would it be against?

 

4. Who was sent off?

 

Assuming you have been bothered to read this far, winner gets a free ticket for whatever away match they can't get because of their Loyalty Point rating - I've just given up my ticket for tomorrow by the way on the basis I can't get to the game tomorrow and absolutely I'm gutted, I will have to watch it on Sky with my missus. Rest assured I will be sitting with my Stella at 10 am tomorrow, with you in spirit.

 

EDIT: NE5 - You are not allowed to nominate anyone from the old board  :laugh2:

 

 

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Yorkie

Yorkie

Posted
Posted

1. Oba Martins, after a dry patch infront of goal. Counter-attack from an 88th minute opposition corner as they desperately try to win to avoid embarrassment... Martins picks it up in the centre circle, darts past two men, shoots early, rifling the ball past the keeper from 20 yards.

 

2. Dean Windass, who we've knicked on loan amidst Geordie fury, following long-term injuries to Owen, Viduka and Shola.

 

3. Manchester United, putting to bed the recent humiliations suffered, and pulling off the biggest upset in their history.

 

4. Fabricio Coloccini, but he bows out a hero having nutted Cristiano Ronaldo after the Portuguese ponce tugged at his hair, following being expertly tackled.

 

Ah, fantasy is fun. :smug:

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jep

jep

Posted
Posted

1. Oba Martins, after a dry patch infront of goal. Counter-attack from an 88th minute opposition corner as they desperately try to win to avoid embarrassment... Martins picks it up in the centre circle, darts past two men, shoots early, rifling the ball past the keeper from 20 yards.

 

 

Quite amazing. Not sure the ref would allow a penalty like that though...?

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Wullie

Wullie

Posted
Posted

1. Martins, followed by an hour's prolonged somersaults around the Wembley pitch (from both him and me tbh).

 

2. Shearer - saw Carroll come on again and thought "I've had enough of this, where's me fucking boots?"

 

3. Man Utd.

 

4. Rob Lee - he re-signed along with Shearer and kicks the legs out from under Man Utd's new short term signing, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, when the Baby Faced Arsehole is clean through on goal in the last second of extra time. (Alright, if that's cheating I'll have Duff because you don't get a medal if you get sent off.)

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Mick

Mick

Posted
Posted

1. Martins, followed by an hour's prolonged somersaults around the Wembley pitch (from both him and me tbh).

 

2. Shearer - saw Carroll come on again and thought "I've had enough of this, where's me f***ing boots?"

 

3. Man Utd.

 

4. Rob Lee - he re-signed along with Shearer and kicks the legs out from under Man Utd's new short term signing, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, when the Baby Faced Arsehole is clean through on goal in the last second of extra time. (Alright, if that's cheating I'll have Duff because you don't get a medal if you get sent off.)

 

:lol:

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Yorkie

Yorkie

Posted
Posted

1. Oba Martins, after a dry patch infront of goal. Counter-attack from an 88th minute opposition corner as they desperately try to win to avoid embarrassment... Martins picks it up in the centre circle, darts past two men, shoots early, rifling the ball past the keeper from 20 yards.

 

 

Quite amazing. Not sure the ref would allow a penalty like that though...?

 

Dang. :(

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buzza

buzza

Posted
Posted

1) Shay Given, sees the opposite keeper on edge of the box and whacks it "Beckesque" in the slums, keeper slips while scrambling to get it. Goal of the century (repeated forever on telly-infinite scouse torture).

2)  Gazza, scores a mental goal after going through seven tackles and moons at the Red end (the only one who would be able to pull this off!).

3) Liverpool, always have and always will abhor these moaning scumbags!!!

4) Gazza of course! Did moon at the ref like :)

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