What would YOU be like as Newcastle owner?

[Dave]

Some of the questions are ridiculous anyway tbh, none of us will ever be anywhere near rich enough to own a football club so it's absolute nonsense to say you'd be willing to just throw away £Xmillion.

 

I would be amazing and win us everything through will power alone.

 

That's about as sensible.

[Kaizero]

Some of the questions are ridiculous anyway tbh, none of us will ever be anywhere near rich enough to own a football club so it's absolute nonsense to say you'd be willing to just throw away £Xmillion.

 

I would be amazing and win us everything through will power alone.

 

That's about as sensible.

 

Depends on what you define as a "football club", I could in all honesty "buy" a 5th division Norwegian football club if i wanted 

 

[Dave]

The mans ideas were sound his application was just poor. With me at the helm we'd all be fine, as I wouldnt get pissed in the stands and would get a DOF With pedigree in. You forget this man has got us Ranger and Vukic two very exciting prospects.

 

Or are you just saying that cos I'm fat?

 

Oh that makes relegation alright then.

Every cloud Sir.

I've said numerous times his flaw was over estimating the playing staff.

 

There were many, many flaws. Some of which you seem keen to replicate in your post above.

 

Your manager is given 'some freedom' over transfers?

 

He just has to justify players to the club. Gone are the days of just signing Smith and Duff because "They were good in 2004". Much tighter wage structure too, a player is given a status in the club and then gets a wage between X and Y.

 

That's what a transfer budget is for in the first place, you could still implement structures whilst giving a manager complete control over how it's spent.

 

If the players turn out shit, the manager carries the can like always. Who is accountable for poor performance in your setup? Everyone?

[chicago_shearer]

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

800 billion American dollars.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

 

Whoever the hell I want.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

 

Hands on.  Completely.  L'equipe c'est moi.  My money, my club.  Every decision, down to the brand of tea in the tea pot, goes through me.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

 

Yes.  Me.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

 

Shit loads.  Man City style.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

 

ME.

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

 

There will be no losses.  Basically we will loan a lot of money from China, funnel it through various ghost companies and disguise our losses.  Enron style. 

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

 

Step 1.  Sell out.  Pepsi ads on everything, NUFC sponsoring the Taj Mahal, etc.  Every match begins like the Apollo Creed v. Drago fight in Rocky IV.  Step 2. Win league.  Step 3. Celebrate with a 72 hour binge of alcohol, cocaine and orgiastic sex.

 

 

OK, got bored. 

[Frazzle]

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

About £1.8bn

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

Probably Keegan

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

Probably use someone from the sale at first, then get my own man, someone with little experience so they can bring fresh ideas.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Yes, just to help the manager.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

Depends, money doesn't grow on trees, probably just spend what we receive.

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

Me

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

Transfer budget

8) What is your overall business plan?

Prefer to make it up as a go along, otherwise too restrictive, normally looking about five years ahead though.

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

Might intervene if there's a bust up with the manager and DoF, but wouldn't go out of my way to sort it out.

10) Where do you sit on match days?

With the fans, I'm a people person.

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

 

High, definitely.

12) How do you respond to the press?

Keep quiet, when I can.

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Pick someone who I'm close to for trust reasons, ability isn't everything.

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Probably not

15) Anything else you'd do?

Try and make friends with the fans.

[Mike]

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

800 billion American dollars.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

 

Whoever the hell I want.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

 

Hands on. Completely. L'equipe c'est moi. My money, my club. Every decision, down to the brand of tea in the tea pot, goes through me.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

 

Yes. Me.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

 

Shit loads. Man City style.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

 

ME.

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

 

There will be no losses. Basically we will loan a lot of money from China, funnel it through various ghost companies and disguise our losses. Enron style.

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

 

Step 1. Sell out. Pepsi ads on everything, NUFC sponsoring the Taj Mahal, etc. Every match begins like the Apollo Creed v. Drago fight in Rocky IV. Step 2. Win league. Step 3. Celebrate with a 72 hour binge of alcohol, cocaine and orgiastic sex.

 

 

OK, got bored.

 

I think I know who your owner role model is.

 

Can you imagine what it would be like if your guy ran this club? Jesus!

[chicago_shearer]

It would be a match made in heaven.  Jerry and NUFC were made for one another. 

[maze]

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

£100m. Preferably backed-up by a rich consortium.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

 

At this point I’d go for Shearer. This is basically down to the fact (?) that the majority of fans and players would like him. Although he is unproven (in the sense that he’s got next to no managerial experience) I’d appoint him because he knows the club through and through, he’s a Newcastle fan, he cares, people like him, players like him and respect him.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

 

In true “FM spirit” I’d have some “hands on approach”.  I’d gather people with experience of running a professional football club. With a good mixture of people with international AND/OR  national/local knowledge and experience.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

No.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

Since my main focus would be stability through a “knowledge center” of experienced and professional people, the “money per season” question would be discussed frequently and carefully planned.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

Same as above. But I’d like to give my manager and his staff enough freedom to have an important role in deciding both 5) and 6)

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

 

My Wallet

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

 

Since I’m in for a long period, I’d have both short-term goals and long-term goals. The short-term planned would include Shearer picking his own staff, handing over his list of potential transfer targets, getting rid of the dead-wood. Next I’d like to focus on the football academy, making sure we’d get more talented youngsters and building on this buy continuing the investment in young talents from abroad. My overall business would have us follow a more of “Everton/Aston Villa”- plan, and do “Wenger youth policies” in the reserves/U18. Plus, expanding the scout network (if we even have one).

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

 

I’d listen to the people under #5) and #6), and I’d take advice from others as well (the fans, local legends and people caring for the club and Newcastle)

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

 

Working my ass of in the office or out travelling.

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

 

On the lower end of the scale.

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

 

I’d address any issue or enquiry to avoid speculations and “limbos”. I’d inform people as accurate as possible, when necessary. I think it’s important that the fans knows what’s going on.

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

 

Really depends on if I’m making a decision due to retirement or axing. But I’d like to stay clear of hasty decision, and do things according to #8).

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

 

Yes.

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

 

Carefully building for the future. Listen to the fans.

 

[Mike]

It would be a match made in heaven.   Jerry and NUFC were made for one another. 

 

There's no way in hell it would work.

 

There would be so much money, and so much investment in the club, but he'd be hands on in every department and people would eventually just go crazy.

 

So many interviews and press conferences. A fucking TV show as well. We would be England's team.

 

The new St James' Park would be gorgeous, but concessions would come with loan applications.

[Kaizero]

http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/files/2009/07/georgehero1.jpg

 

tbh

[LiquidAK]

Be honest here, just because you don't like something Ashley/Shepherd has done, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it if you had the power.

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

£250m

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

Shearer, or failing that someone like Coppell, someone with experience in this division.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

Chief Executive, seeing as I'm 17 and have no idea how to run a shop let alone a football club.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Yes, chosen by the Manager and directly responsible to the Manager. If the Manager decides he doesn't want one then that's fine.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

£30m to get us out of the Championship. £30m to secure us back in the Premier League the next season, then after that see how the squad looks and decide from there. If the Manager has a player he really feels he desperately needs and has exceeded the budget, then he comes to me to state his case and I decide. So a flexible budget.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

The Manager, but I'd like to approve all transfers seeing as it's my money. If there's anything that seems excessive I'll let him make his case for it and if he convinces me it's worth it then he can go for it, but for the most part he can spend the cash on whoever he thinks will most benifit the team.

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

My wallet.

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

Lots of youth scouting with the Manager getting the final desicion on whom he buys. Wage cap (nothing drastic, just no more Duff's and Owen's on stupidly high wages. Say a max of £60k p/w.)

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

I want to be kept apprised of everything that's happening, but for the most part I'll leave the manager to it. As I've said I want to approve transfers but that's entirely to make sure there's no excessive spending just because the money is there, if the Manager thinks a player will really be great for us but he'll cost a lot then I'll approve it. I'll only intervene on anything if I think there's excessive spending going on that could make the clubs financial position falter. For the most part the Manager will be left to it, it's what I'm paying him for after all.

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

Directors Box

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

Reasonably low profile

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

Welcome them, answer their questions etc. Making an enemy of the press is a bad idea, as much as the majority of them are twats.

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

At all times keep a shortlist of possible managers incase there's an unexpected resignation or anything, then I can go for a replacement as soon as is necessary. However I intend to give the manager at least 3 years to have a crack at it, get some stability. If things look like they're going really bad (i.e. relegation to League 1 looking like a possibility), then I'll step in and replace him but for the most part I intend to give them time to get it right.

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

No, but I intend to be very open and have an open dialogue with the supporters for them to voice any concerns which will be taken into consideration

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

Check up on here to make sure you aren't all badmouthing me behind my back.

[Guest Heneage]

The mans ideas were sound his application was just poor. With me at the helm we'd all be fine, as I wouldnt get pissed in the stands and would get a DOF With pedigree in. You forget this man has got us Ranger and Vukic two very exciting prospects.

 

Or are you just saying that cos I'm fat?

 

Oh that makes relegation alright then.

Every cloud Sir.

I've said numerous times his flaw was over estimating the playing staff.

 

There were many, many flaws. Some of which you seem keen to replicate in your post above.

 

Your manager is given 'some freedom' over transfers?

 

He just has to justify players to the club. Gone are the days of just signing Smith and Duff because "They were good in 2004". Much tighter wage structure too, a player is given a status in the club and then gets a wage between X and Y.

 

That's what a transfer budget is for in the first place, you could still implement structures whilst giving a manager complete control over how it's spent.

 

If the players turn out s***, the manager carries the can like always. Who is accountable for poor performance in your setup? Everyone?

Not everyone no, the manager as he suggested those players. I don't go out and sign players they do, but they come to me with say 3 full backs, and justify why each one would work, then he goes and signs whoever it may be.

[MW]

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

£160m

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

 

Shearer

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

 

Both

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

 

No

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

 

depends on success

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

 

Manager

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

 

Depends how big the losses are, both i suppose

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

 

Get the club promoted, have an exciting young team, basically the SBR model I would hope

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

 

Not regards player sales/buys.

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

 

Directors Box

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

 

Middle, I'd communicate but I wouldn't go overboard

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

 

Honest if its appropriate

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

 

Best man for the job, regardless of nationality etc

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

 

Not on the board but I would communicate with the fans and listen to what they have to say

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

 

Stop all the lies and sort the club out

[buzza]

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

I'd earmark 1 billion in the bank for some high class drugs, babetastic prostitutes, haute cuisine gluttonny and helicopter taxis. If there was any change, after my sycophant cronies (alan from EC included!) and I came back down to earth (get it?), it would be spent on over the hill superstars to get us back into the prem...

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

To go with the high roller image it could only be Mourinho.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

I'd find a new young and beautiful chief executive, and I would employ a hands on approach with her

 

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Robbie williams flown in from LA (knows how to large it)

 

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

50 suitcases stuffed with 50 pound notes, and this is only the backhanders for willie mckay!!!

 

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

A small monkey called Gerald.

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

MY Luis Vuitton wallet

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

Lose money, win faith & ehm...11 players on pitch every saturday...

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

Violence, small arms in training?

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

My throne in the director's box

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

Depend whether I had my heels on or not

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

In Swahili

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Paper, scissors and rock with fergie or Moory

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Hand picked mongs by david craig would override board decisions!

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

Paint the stadium black and white, get some turkish bloke with a loadspeaker to whip the fans into a frenzy, get an NBA piano player to knock out the tension tune when the game's shiite and finally only employ smiling stewards with large breasts.

[Keefaz]

I would sit on a throne, pitch-side, and communicate directly with the players and my puppet-manager via a loudhailer. All players would be required to kiss my feet every match day and pay their respects through offerings of KFC left in the hallowed Guilded Bucket of NUFC Chicken. I'd have the entire frame of each goal painted with gold leaf before every home game by Freddie Shepherd who I keep on a chain and call Slothgobber and each blade of grass would be individually trimmed with nail scissors to my specification by David O'Leary. T'would be grand.

[Mowen]

I would sit on a throne, pitch-side, and communicate directly with the players and my puppet-manager via a loudhailer. All players would be required to kiss my feet every match day and pay their respects through offerings of KFC left in the hallowed Guilded Bucket of NUFC Chicken. I'd have the entire frame of each goal painted with gold leaf before every home game by Freddie Shepherd who I keep on a chain and call Slothgobber and each blade of grass would be individually trimmed with nail scissors to my specification by David O'Leary. T'would be grand.

 

I'd be pretty much the same but Mike Hooper would be giving me a foot rub too.

[Guest Heneage]

I would sit on a throne, pitch-side, and communicate directly with the players and my puppet-manager via a loudhailer. All players would be required to kiss my feet every match day and pay their respects through offerings of KFC left in the hallowed Guilded Bucket of NUFC Chicken. I'd have the entire frame of each goal painted with gold leaf before every home game by Freddie Shepherd who I keep on a chain and call Slothgobber and each blade of grass would be individually trimmed with nail scissors to my specification by David O'Leary. T'would be grand.

:lol: just the first line.

[Guest dover]

Be honest here, just because you don't like something Ashley/Shepherd has done, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it if you had the power.

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

None, id raise the funds from bank loand and credit cards just like the glaziers did with the man utd takeover.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

Paul Jewel

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

Id appoint David Dein, he`d be up for it like...

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Nope

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

£40 million this season because we need a new team, £45m + every season after

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

Paul Jewel

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

From the visa

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

Top 6 in premier league, sell to rich arabs and rule the world

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

Meh

10) Where do you sit on match days?

Top box of course, why would i sit anywhere else? whats the point in being loaded and living like im poor?

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

High, annoyingly so

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

Ala Joe kinnear fucking cunts

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Based on fan protests

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Would there fuck bunch of mongs

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

Yes ban thommo from sjp and his itk sources

[Mowen]

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Would there fuck bunch of mongs

 

[Dokko]

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

 

£105m (just keep £5m for myself and family)

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

 

Shearer for 3 years to prove himself

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

 

I'd be there at every step, though i'd try and bring in Rick Parry to do the main work

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

 

No

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

 

Whatever the club makes the previous season.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

 

The Manager

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

 

Out of the clubs coffers, any serious loss for rebuilding would be put on a loan or i'd initially stump up the costs.

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

 

To have the club turnover enough money to support itself and to allow it to grow naturally without forcing it and not having the right foundations if it all goes wrong.

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

 

If a player disrespects the club i'd heavily punish them and maybe even list them regardless of the managers feelings. It would be then up to the manager to sort the player out and apologise and double tgheir efforts to get off the list. (keeps manager and players united and i can play the bad guy while the fans feel im taking action)

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

 

In the directors box, i'd need to show i can detached myself from the fans and make business decisions, my love for the club would have to take second place.

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

 

Medium. I wouldn't go out of my way to be all look at me, but when necessary i'd be there for the club.

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

 

I'd be releasing official statements with the help of those around me (rick parry), nothing off the cuff as it may come across Freddie Shepherd.

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

 

I'd ask advice but i'd be mainly looking towards young managers who've proven themselves in the lower leagues building a rep for themselves, and enough of a rep so that the current players at their ability level respect the new guy.

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

 

Yes. I'd like the season ticket holders to appoint the rep by voting for candidates, while also the ST holders having votes over other parts of the club, statues, naming of stuff, strips etc...

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

 

I'd ask Newcastle Brown to be our sponsor again, even if it means taking a hit on money per year, i think we'd make it up in top sales anyway. I'd look at expanding the ground ASAP probably funded like last time (once the attendances pick up again)

[Delima]

Be honest here, just because you don't like something Ashley/Shepherd has done, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it if you had the power.

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

£150m

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

Roberto Mancini, Guus Hiddink, Louis Van Gaal, Mark Hughes, Roberto Martinez

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

Hands on

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Yes, but making it clear that I am an intevenist

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

Depending on cash flow etc. My club will be more like Everton, Arsenal than Chelsea, Man City, Villa in terms of transfer spending

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

Me, DOF, manager discussing together with me making the final decision

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

Transfer budget

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

Best facility, best academy, best coach, best manager, best stadium ..... with no particular order

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

Yes. I don't micromanage, I don't intervene on who to buy, who to play, but I dictate the macro picture, eg attacking team, buy young prospects etc

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

Director box

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

High

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

Tell it as it is

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Roberto Mancini, Guus Hiddink, Louis Van Gaal, Mark Hughes, Roberto Martinez

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Yes

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

I want to build a lasting legacy

[relámpago blanco]

Be honest here, just because you don't like something Ashley/Shepherd has done, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it if you had the power.

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

£500M realistically, Ashley had 2B and he couldn't afford to take us to the next level.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

Now, Shearer as he's the only one who would take it in the state it's in and the fans need a lift.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

Both, I don't know enough about running a football club yet I'd want to know everything that goes on and make some decisions myself, the Chief Exec would have experience.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Yes, but only with approval of manager and he would only be able to scout and recommend aprt from players under the age of 18.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

In the championship 5-10m, Prem 15-20m net, depending on what the Squad needs, would hopefully increase with success.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

Chief Exec, Me, Manager

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

Depends how big, this season I'd have to pay and give the Manager some money to get the squad promoted.

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

Long term development, good youth team which can supplement transfers, globalise brand further.

1-Promotion within 1 season or 2 at a push,

2-Stay in Prem

3-Become Mid-table

4-Consolidate and try to go for Intertoto

5-Try to get into Uefa Cup

6-Try to push on but settle for that tbh.

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

Yes if the manager was rubbish I'd sack him but not with transfers, if he wanted a player out I'd dictate the fee, in the same.  He gives me and the Chief Exec a list of names and we try and buy or sell them.

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

Director box

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

Not too high, but would let the fans know what was going on and that I listen to their concerns.

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

Talk absolute bollocks, if I want to speak to the fans I'll do it direct via, the website or face to face interviews which have to be shown in full or not at all.

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Asses where we are and who is available

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

Yes me

15) Anything else you'd do?

Help develop grass roots football in the area, will help the academy but also the area.

[BlueStar]

I'd be an embarrassment, always slagging off other clubs, players and managers.

[Segun Oluwaniyi]

Be honest here, just because you don't like something Ashley/Shepherd has done, doesn't mean you wouldn't do it if you had the power.

 

1) How much money would you need to have in the bank before you were willing to buy the club in the first place? (assume club can be purchased for £100m)

30-50 million pounds sterling. The rest of the money comes from a faceless consortium of those controlling petrol in the African and Middle Eastern OPEC countries, and those at the forefront of the ever-expanding and not yet conquered telecommunications market in the third world. Also, the cocaine trade. My clean money would stand at the front. I would be the leader.

 

2) Who do you appoint as manager?

A continental European manager. There are no current British that I like/have any chance of being available. A first team coach.

 

3) Do you take a hands on approach with the clubs operations, or do you appoint a chief executive?

I will be a distant figure, but will have final say and veto power on all decisions within the club.

 

4) Do you appoint a director of football?

Immediately.

 

5) How much money per season on transfers?

This is something that would have to be addressed in the underground meetings of the consortium. We will look to spend quite a bit of money, but obviously this hinges on the success of the various enterprises, as well as the on-pitch state of the club.

 

6) Who controls how transfer budget is spent?

The DoF will handle trasnfers. The first team coach will be able to recommend players and discuss players he believes will cause dissension among the playing staff.

 

7) Do losses (excluding transfer fees) come out of the transfer budget or out of your wallet?

Out of the wallet to a point. Heavy losses will obviously affect the amount spent on players.

 

8) What is your overall business plan?

To return NUFC to the top flight and bring to competing for CL football (3rd to 6th) within five years. While money will be spent on big transfers, I would like to focus on scouting throughout the world. Particularly in Africa, Asia, and the lesser South American nations where European prescence is not high, and we can monopolise talent. Also seek to make the club more popular on a world scale.

 

9) Would you ever intervene on any issue? Where do you draw the line on intervention?

I have the right to intervene on all clubs matters, however I will try to avoid clashing on issues of playing staff.

 

10) Where do you sit on match days?

I will rarely appear at matches. When I did I would be placed in newly installed high-class luxury suites.

 

11) Would you maintain a high or low-profile?

Low. Very shady. I'd plant allegations of human rights abuses, fraud, and murder against myself and the consortium to take pressure of the manager and the players. When I did appear at matches I'd show up somewhat inebriated wtih a haggard beard with different beautiful women at my arm, diplomats to side, and armed soldiers standing in fromt of me to all sides. Once again to relieve the pressure.

 

12) How do you respond to the press?

I don't talk to the press. I release Osama bin Laden style videos reassuring the fans of Newcastle United that all is well, and the club is marching onwards and upwards. Occasionally hold press conferences stare crazily into the camera, give one word answers, and walk away in silence.

 

13) How would you make future managerial decisions?

Similar to the first. Low profile first team managers who will continue the system that has been implemented.

 

14) Would there be fan representation on the board?

If they are willing to pay 15 million pounds, then yes.

 

15) Anything else you'd do?

Wear black and white striped suits whenever I was in public. I'd initiate a NUFC TV type channel to the mainstream media after we had become established.