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Thespence

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Had to laugh  :lol:

 

http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/michael-calvin/Michael-Calvin-Why-the-football-world-wants-and-needs-Manchester-City-Muppet-show-to-fail-article560169.html

 

 

It’s too late to run for cover, pointless to send out search parties for survivors.

 

Manchester City’s money is the ultimate force of nature.

 

The football landscape has been changed, irrevocably, by the Eastlands earthquake.

 

The after-shocks are ­threatening to destroy the high-rise blocks of Premier League institutions.

 

It’s the Muppet Show ­version of a disaster movie. The characters are manic, the script surreal.

 

Craig Bellamy returns to ­Cardiff as a modern day Owain ­Glyndwr, the Welsh tribal chieftain whose victory over the English is tattooed on his right arm.

 

City’s largesse means that, on £95,000 a week, he will be earning ­nearly double that of entire Championship teams.

 

Stephen Ireland celebrates his 24th birthday today with a gift-wrapped present beyond even his vivid imagination.

 

City gave him ­£1million to prove them wrong. Back him to succeed, and re-emerge at Aston Villa as the creative midfielder ­Robert Mancini ­appears to abhor.

 

Shay Given has been treated with a little more dignity. But distil his dilemma and he’s still been left out in the rain like a wheelie bin ­awaiting the dustmen.

 

Robinho can be dismissed as an embarrassment, a blunt instrument wielded by ­over-excited marketing men.

 

But for every foreign flop like Felipe Caicedo, there is a ­respected international like Roque Santa Cruz wondering what he has done wrong.

 

Home-town boys like Nedum Onuoha, who supported City when they were beyond a joke, are being sent to places like Sunderland.

 

The bill for this human ­experiment ­exceeds £1billion, but we have yet to discover the true cost, which cannot be ­expressed on a balance sheet.

 

The cliché about lies, damn lies and statistics is being ­recycled with malicious glee.

 

Fergie, inevitably, drew the battle lines with his jibes about kamikaze spending.

 

His acolytes duly announced that City’s net transfer spend since the Premier League began in 1992 is £428m. ­United’s is £136m.

 

His critics responded in kind, reminding the world with good reason he broke the British transfer record three times in that ­period.

 

It’s good knockabout stuff, which will get serious when the world starts to mock Sheikh Mansour and his delusions of grandeur. City are a means to an end in a region where sport’s become a substitute for ­global substance.

 

Qatar are looking to buy the 2022 World Cup. Abu Dhabi have chosen the east side of Manchester as their platform for legitimacy.

 

They might as well have appointed Kermit the Frog as ambassador.

 

Selling clubs, and assorted agents, are laughing all the way to the bank. Fortunes are being squandered on under achieving players.

 

Loyalty is an illusion.

 

Mancini professes to be homesick. Like Fabio ­Capello, he is struggling to come to terms with an alien culture. He ­traded sympathy for wealth, and assumptions of ­instant success.

 

Better managers like Jose Mourinho ­recognised the dangers of the deal.

 

Mancini is asking for time, a prohibitively expensive luxury, even for petrol billionaires accustomed to getting what they want in life.

 

He has yet to solve City’s Catch 22. Acquire too many players, too quickly, and it is impossible to meet the deadline for building a team. Sack the manager too often, and no one takes you seriously.

 

Promise the owners the earth and you leave them no get-out clause. They’re ­denied the honourable alternative, of building a dynasty on good housekeeping.

 

The football world wants, needs, City to fail. When money is all that matters, dreams turn to dust.

 

 

 

Read more: http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/michael-calvin/Michael-Calvin-Why-the-football-world-wants-and-needs-Manchester-City-Muppet-show-to-fail-article560169.html#ixzz0xIKJGgcw

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http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3028&Itemid=26

 

NEWCASTLE DELUSIONS INVADE REALITY

 

THE lunatic fantasy world of Newcastle United supporters has started to manifest itself in this dimension after the club's 6-0 win over Aston Villa.

 

Image

From whence it came

Last night the city had begun to morph into a fascinating, cosmopolitan metropolis full of actual humans as the ripples of temporal instability spread throughout the North East.

 

Quantum footballologist Wayne Hayes said: "The immense pressure of decades of groundless expectation has finally caused a tear in the time/space/football continuum.

 

"Every unrealistic ambition, Champion's League prediction and plan involving Kevin Keegan's head on Alan Shearer's body could now invade the realm of the sane.

 

"The win over Villa escaped from a self-perpetuating quantum dimension known as the Benitez Zone, in which up is down, black is white - which actually makes the Newcastle kit look exactly the same - and where Andy Carroll isn't just eight foot of greased monkey."

 

The effects were first felt when a fan outside St James Park asked a hotdog vendor if they served salad. By late afternoon the shockwaves had spread so far that Sir Alex Ferguson was seen being gracious in a postmatch interview at Fulham.

 

But Hayes stressed that Newcastle was still connected to a 'universal reality' with the confirmation that Joey Barton continues to be a little shit.

 

He added: "After a sensible period of stabilisation and a promising start to the season, the fans will soon be asking for Chris Hughton to be replaced by Catherine Cookson and they will all be sucked back through the wormhole, like a Geordie eating his breakfast Pot Noodle."

 

:lol:

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How the fuck do shitty Stoke fucking City get Adidas to make their strips for them??

 

It's one of the template ones. Not one that you can buy unbadged, but still from a catalogue so it's not made for them.

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Must have been some talk-in tonight with Pedro. Apparently he described Vuckic as a superstar and said by the time he's 21 he's going to be as good if not better than Messi. :)

 

:shifty:

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Guest ObiChrisKenobi

I see the FIFA World Cup delegation are coming up to Newcastle on Wednesday. Hopefully Llambias and Ashley aren't around :laugh:

 

Hopefully the toothless alcoholic SSN magnet mags aren't about.  :fishing:

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