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Football Horoscopes


Nobby
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Which football are you most like?

 

http://www.soccerhell.co.uk/horrorscopes.php

 

5th October

i got Darren Bent

You are like Darren Bent. You're nice, but thats about it. You get invited to all the great parties, but really you're just there to make the numbers up. Whilst everyone is getting freaky in the hot-tub, they've got you minding their clothes and drinking soft drinks because you're the designated driver. Also, you occasionally make some rather bad decisions.

 

 

 

 

:lol: lol at 17 August! Jenas!!

 

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july 11th. ouch.

You are like Philip Neville. You are vastly over-rated. You're in the position that you are in because of your family. You're like one of the shit Baldwin brothers that nobody really knows but can still live off the name. One of these days, somebody is going to wise up and realise what a loser you actually are.

 

hmmm...any month plus #1 is robinson, and any month plus #10 is owen :roll:

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You are like Owen Hargreaves. Despite trying your best to constantly fit in, it's never really going to happen. People will always see you as an outsider. Give up trying to fit in and just be who you are. Beware the Devil - he has you in his sights.

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You are like Theo Walcott. Sometimes if feels your future has already been mapped out for you and that you have the weight of the world resting your shoulders. You're still young though, so take risks and make mistakes. Drink, drugs, hookers and gambling are a good start.

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You are like David Beckham. You're everybody's scapegoat - when things are going wrong, they blame you. It's not always your fault though, so stop trying please them. Maybe you should go and visit the Wizard of Oz and ask him for an attitude. That way, when they come calling next time, realising everything isn't your fault, you can make the bastards beg.

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You are like Scott Parker. Player Prediction Thingy sees a McDonalds. Did you work there? Maybe just eat food there? Star in one of their adverts?. Whatever your connection to McDonalds, it doesn't matter too much. Whatever your McDonalds experience was, it was the high point of your life and you'll never top it.

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Guest slimbob

You are like Shaun Wrights Phillips. You used to feel like the big fish in a small pond, but now you're like a goldfish in the ocean. You're lost and there's nobody offering directions. It's time to pack up your stuff and see where the tide takes you, before a whale comes across you, eats you up and shits you out into obscurity.

 

The Jermaine Jenas one is pretty funny :lol:

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You are like Wayne Rooney. You're a fat waster and find older people sexually exciting. You have the talent, but when things don't go your way, you have a serious hissy fit and start blaming everything and anybody. Your partner's a chav and you gamble too much. Sort your life out before it's too late.

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You are like Jamie Carragher. Everyone likes you. It would be a hard task to find anyone that has a bad word to say about you. You're reliable, consistant and trustworthy. Stop it, you're making the rest of us look bad. Perhaps tomorrow you could go out and call some old woman, a fat bitch. That should help balance the universe.

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You are like Gary Neville. You have an annoying voice and sound like you're trying to talk through your nose. You think everyone loves you because of the crowd you hang out with, but most people actually think you're twat. Your dad has a silly name.

 

Class. :lol:

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You are like Michael Owen. Despite some setbacks, life is is generally good and won't be long till you are back to your peak. Remember, height is never usually an issue (only length and girth). Some people find midgets sexy. Your lucky animal is a zebra.

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You are like Ashley Cole. You like money...a lot. You'd probably sell your own gran for a wage increase. People think you're gay despite the fact you try and play yourself off as a real heterosexual. You're fooling nobody though. Get out the closet ya homo.

 

  :roll:

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You are like Ronaldin :lol:

 

You are like Ledley King. Or should that be King Ledley? You are the future. Some people think there are better out there than you, but you know better. Those people need to be dealt with. The means can be justified providing the end is a successful one. You have the potential to take over the world.

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You are like Michael Owen. Despite some setbacks, life is is generally good and won't be long till you are back to your peak. Remember, height is never usually an issue (only length and girth). Some people find midgets sexy. Your lucky animal is a zebra.

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1/7

You are like Paul Robinson. People normally think of you as a commanding figure, although you are prone to silly mistakes and can't seem to take criticism too well. You try to deflect blame onto others. You can't kick a football for shit.

 

thats me!!

 

edit: same footballer every month?...Seems to be Paul Robinson 1/1, 1/2, 1/3 etc.

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july 11th. ouch.

You are like Philip Neville. You are vastly over-rated. You're in the position that you are in because of your family. You're like one of the shit Baldwin brothers that nobody really knows but can still live off the name. One of these days, somebody is going to wise up and realise what a loser you actually are.

 

hmmm...any month plus #1 is robinson, and any month plus #10 is owen :roll:

 

Yup - I'm January 11 and got Phil Neville too :roll:

 

You'd think they could be at least a little bit creative and use 365 players!

 

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You are like Ashley Cole. You like money...a lot. You'd probably sell your own gran for a wage increase. People think you're gay despite the fact you try and play yourself off as a real heterosexual. You're fooling nobody though. Get out the closet ya homo.

 

  :roll:

 

This

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Guest MagicNumber9

You are like Gary Neville. You have an annoying voice and sound like you're trying to talk through your nose. You think everyone loves you because of the crowd you hang out with, but most people actually think you're twat. Your dad has a silly name.

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You are like Gary Neville. You have an annoying voice and sound like you're trying to talk through your nose. You think everyone loves you because of the crowd you hang out with, but most people actually think you're twat. Your dad has a silly name.

:lol: so true
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