St James' Park

[gbandit]

Was thinking we should go for a sea based moveable stadium that travels between Blyth and North Shields with games taking place in a different location each fortnight. When you leave the ground you travel by water slide

 

 

Edited March 10 by gbandit

[Stifler]

Ok, I’m not so sure about the land difference being much of an issue to be honest. It would mostly only affect the southern part of it. This would give you basically what you already have with the arena.

 

There are different things you could do though. The most reasonable and basic one would be to just pile the southern end and put retaining walls in, with various steps and access ramps.

Another solution would be to take out some of the land, maybe have a mid height between the northern end and the southern end. The northern end could have supporters coming in and largely going through access points that go down the stand rather than up it, and have the southern end where you have to go up instead.

It also allows for creativity, so maybe have an underground carpark, or do what Spurs do and have storage space for 2nd pitches that just get stored away.

[OpenC]

 much more like it gbandit

 

Howl's Moving Stadium

 

 

Edited March 10 by OpenC

[Stifler]

1 minute ago, gbandit said:

Was thinking we should go for a DEA-based moveable stadium that travels between Blyth and North Shields with games taking place in a different location each fortnight. When you leave the ground you travel by water slide

Shields ferry can’t get funding for a new terminal at North Shields, no chance are we getting funding for a floating stadium man.

[gbandit]

Just now, Stifler said:

Shields ferry can’t get funding for a new terminal at North Shields, no chance are we getting funding for a floating stadium man.

Seriously? Ah man, I was sure this one was a goer

[bobbydazzla]

4 minutes ago, gbandit said:

Was thinking we should go for a sea based moveable stadium that travels between Blyth and North Shields with games taking place in a different location each fortnight. When you leave the ground you travel by water slide

 

 

 

If you spend the extra lowey to watch the game from a corporate sofa you get to leave the ground by riding on the back of a dolphin 

[Stifler]

4 minutes ago, gbandit said:

Seriously? Ah man, I was sure this one was a goer

I’m playing along with your joke man.

[Stifler]

1 minute ago, bobbydazzla said:

If you spend the extra lowey to watch the game from a corporate sofa you get to leave the ground by riding on the back of a dolphin 

No you won’t, everyone knows that the North Sea Dolphins are Sunderland fans, North Sea is mackemland guys.

[plenum]

I'm going for Leazes park for location, and a 3-D printer to build the stadium. Would be finished in a few weeks rather than years.

[Kid Icarus]

[Keegans Export]

4 minutes ago, Stifler said:

No you won’t, everyone knows that the North Sea Dolphins are Sunderland fans, North Sea is mackemland guys.

Quite a lot of sealife are MLFs 

 

Clownifsh famously got their red & white stripes from a mackem scuba diver in the 1950s and there's a large Basking Shark SAFC Supporters Club that make regular trips to the coast off Roker Beach

[Stifler]

15 minutes ago, gbandit said:

Was thinking we should go for a sea based moveable stadium that travels between Blyth and North Shields with games taking place in a different location each fortnight. When you leave the ground you travel by water slide

 

 

 

 

[Chris_R]

Flatten the current stadium and turn it into a giant multi storey car park with some massive escalators at each corner. Then build a 100,000 seater flying stadium that we keep up in the clouds (everyone's big on cloud storage these days, yes?), except on match days it flies in and sits over the car park escalators. 

 

Added bonus that we can adjust the lift slightly at half time so the opposition always has to shoot uphill. 

 

 

Edited March 10 by Chris_R

[Tsunami]

Just build it as the land is, would provide a slope on the pitch other teams could really complain about. 
 

Don’t flatten the Helipad, expand it and we can shuttle fans in and out of various place in and around town. 

Build a huge car park on the Gateshead side and zip wire other fans in.

[El Prontonise]

2 minutes ago, Tsunami said:

Just build it as the land is, would provide a slope on the pitch other teams could really complain about. 
 

Don’t flatten the Helipad, expand it and we can shuttle fans in and out of various place in and around town. 

Build a huge car park on the Gateshead side and zip wire other fans in.

 

How about a monorail from Gateshead to the ground?

[NE27]

7 minutes ago, Chris_R said:

Flatten the current stadium and turn it into a giant multi storey car park with some massive escalators at each corner. Then build a 100,000 seater flying stadium that we keep up in the clouds (everyone's big on cloud storage these days, yes?), except on match days it flies in and sits over the car park escalators. 

 

Added bonus that we can adjust the lift slightly at half time so the opposition always has to shoot uphill. 

 

 

 

 

As long as is doesn't enter leazes terrace air space, it's Victorian grade 2 listed airspace.

[Tsunami]

1 minute ago, El Prontonise said:

 

How about a monorail from Gateshead to the ground?

Even better, roller coaster style would be good.

[Keegans Export]

3 minutes ago, El Prontonise said:

 

How about a monorail from Gateshead to the ground?

Alright Lyle Lanley...

[El Prontonise]

16 minutes ago, Keegans Export said:

Alright Lyle Lanley...

[GEFAFWISP]

This thread has been dramatically improved.

 

Think they should balance a pitch between the Tyne and Redhaugh bridges, using giant escalators to get up there and water slides to get out.

 

 

Edited March 10 by GEFAFWISP

[AJ9]

If we go for a floating stadium we could get the government to fund it by doubling up as accommodation for asylum seekers. Sure that would go down well with the Tory cunts in our ownership.

 

 

Edited March 10 by AJ9

[TheBrownBottle]

2 hours ago, bobbydazzla said:

The Saudi PIF are spending $500 BILLION on NEOM, creating an entire city from scratch and throwing up some enormous and technically challenging buildings, the likes of which the world has never ever seen before

 

What they’re doing is mindblowing to people who work in architecture, construction and civil engineering 

 

Yet apparently PIF would be unable to find a solution to a 40m elevation difference at the Arena site

 

Now I’m not saying we’re moving to the Arena, but I am saying that building a new stadium for NUFC would be like pissing around with a kids Lego set for these lot 

 

 

 

I know someone who has worked on NEOM mind - it’s a fantastic way of pouring money down a drain.  But your point absolutely stands - it’s money, not KSA (which doesn’t really train its own construction specialists in any case) which makes the difference. 

[TheBrownBottle]

1 hour ago, Tsunami said:

Just build it as the land is, would provide a slope on the pitch other teams could really complain about. 
 

Don’t flatten the Helipad, expand it and we can shuttle fans in and out of various place in and around town. 

Build a huge car park on the Gateshead side and zip wire other fans in.

SJP still has a noticeable slope, despite ‘fixes’ being made in the past.  Nee-one will say owt 

[bobbydazzla]

34 minutes ago, TheBrownBottle said:

I know someone who has worked on NEOM mind - it’s a fantastic way of pouring money down a drain.  But your point absolutely stands - it’s money, not KSA (which doesn’t really train its own construction specialists in any case) which makes the difference. 

I know someone who’s out there working on it at Director level so get regular updates and they send me photos of what’s happening on sites

 

It’s wild to see it, when I show the on-site pics to my pals who work over here in civils or construction they’re blown away by the progress, scale and ambition 

 

 

Edited March 10 by bobbydazzla

[Interpolic]

Hans' vision needs to be made central to any plans, any other detail I can take or leave. 

 

On 08/08/2023 at 08:53, Hanshithispantz said:

Should have a bell that goes off when there's 1 minute to go, with the seconds counting down projected onto the centre of the pitch. The crowd can count down with it, and a horn will sound signalling the end of the game.

Maybe set pieces can be removed during this time, and even an extra ball thrown onto the field. The lights could dim during night time games, with spotlights following the balls. Cheerleeders run out onto the touchline, a jet could pass over releasing smoke in the teams colours.

The most exciting minute in football. The coaching staff can form a conga line as the 1-man-in-the-technical-area is lifted, and the referee rips off his kit to reveal an eye-catching lycra skinsuit, he stands onto a crane hook and is hoisted high above the turf, his mic is turned on as he bellows out God Save The King.

4 tigers are let out, tied to each corner flag by 3-metre rope. The perimeter of the pitch caves in forming a moat, piranhas patrol and the water runs red. A sniper team emerges from the roof, emptying hollowpoint rounds into anyone not joining in with the anthem.

Rob Hawthorne and Jamie Carrgher are comically ejected from the ground by giant springs, and are replaced by Ray Hudson and Jerry 'The King' Lawler. After a double take, who's that suspended in lycra? It was Earl Hebner all along, they've brought him back from the dead and boy can the man sing.

The ball is in the net and it's Dummett from 83 yards with a literal rocket in his boots. Not even the great Gordon Banks, aided by a gas-propelled jetpack, could get anywhere near it. Golden Goal rules and Newcastle United win the tie by 1 goal to 5. A stage rises from the centre circle and we're joined by Toots & The Maytals, "Pressure Drop", a fitting end to a cracking game of football. The tigers burst into a puff of smoke and Penn & Teller emmerge, a staircase cascades from the heavens and Bobby Robson joins them on the pitch.

The moat fills with champagne and fireworks erupt above St James' Park, home of Europe's largest indoor rollercoaster. A pit roast hog is served, a dance is shared, and an effigy of Howard Webb is set ablaze.

It's been a fantastic night in the North East as a scale projection of the Twin Towers dominates the skyline. The band is winding down and Earl has taken over the vocals. Sir Bobby heads back towards the staircase, which is now an escalator, with Sharron Tate and August Ames on his arm. "That'll do for me son" he says with a wry smile. We all clap.