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Where the fans really roar loud and proud

Web forums are the real place to get top quality punditry for the new season.

Colin MurrayJuly 21, 2007 1:00 AM

If you really want the lowdown on the new Premiership season, forget Alan Hansen, Andy Gray and Richard Keys and head into the virtual football terraces. No longer is the sharp, abrasive wit of the average football fan confined to the stands, as thousands of wannabe managers squander valuable working hours, mouse in hand, setting the world to rights.

 

Outstanding literary titbits exist on every online forum of every team in Britain - unedited, honest, incendiary and sometimes hilarious views of everyday football fans, delivered without pomp and with unbearable amounts of blind prejudice.

 

Now there is no point in using forums as a realistic gauge for a team's forthcoming season, as misplaced enthusiasm is a prerequisite. Those packing into Arsenal sites are not daring to contemplate a finish outside the top three while the relegation favourites Derby County are leaving the drop-zone chat until Christmas, instead revelling in their unexpected "Premiersheep" status. Once the season kicks off, most forum chat will centre on results, or lack of them, but for now it is humour and bitterness that reign.

 

On redandwhitekop.co.uk there is genuine worry that Liverpool cannot triumph if Rafa keeps his goatee. It has been reasoned that facial hair simply does not win titles.

 

RedTerry is not so sure. He says success would be guaranteed if he grew a full beard and "rode a Steed up and down the touchline like a Conquistador giving the players orders for the battle ahead".

 

Staying with fashion, and sparks are flying from Chelsea fans' computers as they try to justify their horrendous new fluorescent yellow away kit. Harvs on cfcnet is going to get one "for cycling at night" while others suggest it is an eco-friendly move that will eliminate the need for floodlights at night matches. Be warned, Chelsea fans will turn up to games this season in Hi Vis.

 

The Carlos Tevez saga is the most discussed subject but I can find only one West Ham forum member who believes the Argentinian will still be in claret and blue next season, prompting Phill on westhamfans.org to request "a gallon of whatever he's drinking".

 

Man City fans are full of wit and wisdom when it comes to the lovable Joey Barton, who recently commented on his relationship breakdown with Stuart Pearce, stating, "he said things which he shouldn't have said". So what did Psycho say to upset him? One poster suggests it could have been, "Stop hitting Dabo". Many new songs are already in place for Joey's return to the City of Manchester stadium, among them a nice little number involving soap-on-a-rope and communal prison showers.

 

Torquay United fans probably have the most right to feel sorry for themselves but they are adopting a chin-up attitude following their drop into the Conference, reacting with glee to the news that they are fourth favourites to bounce back up, according to a poll on footballconference.com. On closer examination, though, one astute forum member noticed that they polled behind Oxford Utd, York City and Other.

 

And what of the Leeds fans? Is there any humour left? Of course there is. In a "predictions" thread, Space Cadet Dave reckons that Ken Bates will become Katrina Bates after a trip to a Thai surgeon, coaching will be taken over by The Chuckle Brothers who will introduce a European passing style (to you, to me, to you, to me, to you), and that performance-enhancing drugs will be found in the dressing room but police will not prosecute any players on the grounds that they didn't work.

 

My No1 site has to be a Sunderland forum at readytogo.net. Black Cats fans have realised the futility of trying to predict their future and instead take to discussing anything and everything. "The Arctic Monkeys; are they the new Pepsi and Shirley?" caused a real ruckus. Then there is the subject thread entitled "Wrists poised, Kleenex at the ready", relating to the addition of Samantha Janus to the EastEnders cast. One fan pointed out such a practice would not be advisable as, at any time, the camera could cut to a close-up of Mo Harris.

 

Sunderland fans are now back in the same league as their bitter Toon rivals, who are cocksure that it will be a one-season affair. There is much scoffing on footymad's Newcastle United section, mostly centring on the £16m splashed on new players. Fitza reports that "Sunderland City Council is furious. There goes the contraception budget." Meanwhile AndyM1988 expertly predicts, "I'm going to be tooting on the Havanas come May."

 

Whatever you have to say, you can say it in a football forum. You are safe from the prawn sandwich brigade and surrounded by your own, which adds up to a heady mishmash of amusement and spitefulness. [email protected]. uk

 

As if we didn't get a mention! Footymad, whoooooo? Can see why the SMB got a plug like, some funny stuff over there.

 

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Guest Knightrider

Perhaps having to log in to read is the forums is what forced him to look at alternatives...

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Out of all the fucking NUFC forums on the net, how the fuck did he decide upon footy mad :lol: Its almost impossible not to find this site when looking for Newcastle forums.

 

Further proof the guy's an utter twat. :cheesy:

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Out of all the fucking NUFC forums on the net, how the fuck did he decide upon footy mad :lol: Its almost impossible not to find this site when looking for Newcastle forums.

 

Further proof the guy's an utter twat. :cheesy:

 

I like him!

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Out of all the fucking NUFC forums on the net, how the fuck did he decide upon footy mad :lol: Its almost impossible not to find this site when looking for Newcastle forums.

 

Further proof the guy's an utter twat. :cheesy:

 

I like him!

 

You bloody would. ;)

 

You're all fucking MAD!

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He played a fang-tastic gig at fresher's week at Glasgow Uni when I was there and liked it so much (or got paid so much) that he came back within 2 months to do another one, which was also fucking ace. Then he was the legendary face of 5ive's coverage of the NFL alongside the equally brilliant Mike Carlson and then he even bettered this with his coverage of our UEFA Cup "campaign", which was better than anything else I saw last season from BBC/ITV/SKY.

 

That singing thing he did is an obvious negative, but aside from that he's still in the black as far as my opinion goes.

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Colin Murray isn't bad considering some of the total dross we have to put up with but not only did he miss this place, the article wasn't of the best standard either.

 

Giving examples of some slightly funny comments by posters is a tad shallow, and he should of be creating an article on what the football forum has now become, the voice of the fans, a most part sensible place where all can be heard by people who matter, other fans. Terrace talk, pub talk and now football forums, all as important as each other, only here you don't get simple minded comments such as the racist element that still haunts the pubs and terraces and brings the whole conversation about football crashing to its knees.

 

 

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"Or if you already have a fancy telly" - Colin Murray every 5 seconds on channel 5 :D

 

I don't mind him really.

To be fair, five's coverage was so cheesy/cheap/rubbish it was good.  It showed NUFC against joke teams, and provided us with commentators that were a joke.  Notice how when ITV stepped in to cover our games, we got knocked out?
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Man City fans are full of wit and wisdom when it comes to the lovable Joey Barton, who recently commented on his relationship breakdown with Stuart Pearce, stating, "he said things which he shouldn't have said". So what did Psycho say to upset him? One poster suggests it could have been, "Stop hitting Dabo"

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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You don't need to visit an internet forum to get fantastic football crack. Go down the boozer, bookies, round a mates and you'll get all the brutal honesty you want. The problem is you never hear of it it because it's dressed up by the media. It's always been there but sports channels such as sky sports are two afraid to express it in case a player decides they don't like what they hear and decide to punish them with a nice shiny law suit and that's wrong.

 

If a player isn't pulling his weight he deserves everything he gets. The fans a paying his wages and they have every right to give them a piece of their mind.

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You don't need to visit an internet forum to get fantastic football crack. Go down the boozer, bookies, round a mates and you'll get all the brutal honesty you want. The problem is you never hear of it it because it's dressed up by the media. It's always been there but sports channels such as sky sports are two afraid to express it in case a player decides they don't like what they hear and decide to punish them with a nice shiny law suit and that's wrong.

 

If a player isn't pulling his weight he deserves everything he gets. The fans a paying his wages and they have every right to give them a piece of their mind.

 

Boozers & bookies?

 

95% usually unintelligent racist clap trap.

 

 

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