Skeletor

Steven Taylor, Ryan Taylor, 2nd Ryan Taylor, Any any Taylor!

What about 11 in 19?

He's annoyed because everyone knows (and reminds him) that he's a shit journalist every day.

Why are people like that?

Wanted him years ago when we were raiding France but now his true colours are known I want nothing to do with him.

Newcastle enter transfer window long on bankroll but short on expertise in bid to save Premier League status Eddie Howe’s side need to bring in top players to avoid falling into the Championship, but attracting talent to a relegation battle is not as simple as it seems Howe, who was not first choice to become Newcastle manager, has five points to show for his first seven matches in charge One win in half a season of Premier League football. Forty-two goals conceded in 19 matches. Second-bottom of the division with as many as three more games played than the five clubs above them in the relegation stramash. Newcastle United’s performance problems are writ large. But then you have the financial might of PIF, the Saudi Arabian sovereign wealth fund which intends to have accumulated over $1trillion of assets by 2025. Plus a January transfer window where the vast majority of Europe’s football clubs are thirsting for cash. Problems solved? Football isn’t as simple as that. Money is necessary for success in the modern game. As the game’s latest nation-state club is in the process of finding out, it is not sufficient on its own. Place yourself in the boots of the myriad of footballers Newcastle’s new owners have shortlisted to retain their seat at the Premier League table, a perch that cost the Saudi-led ownership group an initial £305million some three months ago. Newcastle’s new manager, Eddie Howe, has five points to show for his first seven matches in charge. He was not first choice for the position and his last Premier League season ended in relegation. Newcastle have yet to appoint a director of football, despite interviewing multiple candidates for the role. Their incumbent Head of Recruitment, Steve Nickson, helped build the squad that is currently sinking into the Championship with over £50m of club-record transfer fees misinvested in Miguel Almiron and Joelinton. Newcastle have no chief executive. Their de facto interim CEO, Amanda Staveley, built her reputation on two high-profiles sales of famous English clubs to Middle East royal families. She has no previous experience of running a football club or signing football players. Newcastle’s three-person board, rounded out by PIF governor Yasir Al-Rumayyan and minority investor Jamie Reuben, can muster no more than a handful of years’ experience as football club directors between them. All of them courtesy of young English property developer Reuben’s 2018 board appointment at lowly Queens’ Park Rangers. “The problem is not money,” says one of Europe’s leading technical directors. “The problem is credibility. “Newcastle need top players immediately or they go down. Players with the quality, tactical skills, and mental skills to help Newcastle fight its way out of the hole the team are in. But the kind of player who can make the difference won’t go to Newcastle now because the people running the project lack football credibility. Staveley, Newcastle’s de facto interim CEO, has no previous experience of running a football club “If Amanda goes to those players with a guy who’s had success in his career the player’s answer is different. Everyone is open to hearing what Newcastle have to say; everyone in football knows the club has money. But after talking to this Newcastle everyone thinks that the club is going to the second division.” Staveley, who holds an open-ended management contract to run Newcastle with her husband Mehrdad Ghodoussi, thinks otherwise. Though a large amount of human capital has already been spent on interviewing potential sports directors, the brief is that an immediate appointment is not essential. Staveley feels that with Howe and Nickson in place - and former Celtic head of football operations Nick Hammond briefly brought in to “sense-check” recruitment strategy - her club has everything in place to sign the players needed this month. Newcastle have a strong list of targets and the finances required to secure them. Brighton and Hove Albion director of football Dan Ashworth has been granted permission to speak to Newcastle and informed his current employers of an offer worth a basic £2m per annum plus lucrative performance-related bonuses. Yet Newcastle sources say that Staveley and PIF would be comfortable waiting until the end of February before formally appointing both a director of football (be that Ashworth or another name) and Lee Charnley’s replacement as chief executive. January signings do not require either. “We have targets we’ve identified between myself, the coaching team and the recruitment team,” said Howe. “And we have a big body of people working on the club’s behalf to try and find a way to strengthen the squad. A lot of detail’s gone into that but you can have the most detailed process in the world, yet if players don’t want to come to your team, or clubs don’t want to sell them, the challenge of January becomes very difficult.” Right back, centre back, central midfield and a striker to complement and cover for the recently re-injured Callum Wilson are priority positions. Staveley has been advised to add four transfers to the two domestic loans Premier League rules allow the club. A huge undertaking in any mid-season window; all the more so for a club effectively being run by a committee of relative football ingenues and an investment fund. Trippier is keen to leave Atlético Madrid to join Newcastle and is a feasible, if expensive, target for January Kieran Trippier, the England full back who unsuccessfully pushed Atlético Madrid to sell him to Manchester United in the summer, is encouraging Newcastle to buy him out of his contract in Spain. It looks a deal that can be done, albeit at inflated expense. In the centre of defence Lille’s Sven Botman is an astute target, but one who sources close to the player say prefers to wait for a Champions League club. Howe likes James Tarkowski, out of contract at Burnley in the summer, yet extracting a starter from a relegation rival is no simple process. Juventus want to offload Aaron Ramsey’s €7m (£5.9m) net salary and the Wales international needs football in a World Cup year, but he has not completed a full 90 minutes of Serie A or Champions League football since the summer of 2020. Anthony Martial has placed himself on the market; Manchester United want a loan fee plus wages of almost twice that amount covered in full. Relegation clauses, salary hikes, inflated agents’ fees. Plus that crucial credibility gap. Though there are pitfalls everywhere, Newcastle have consciously elected to enter the market long on bankroll and short on expertise. Might Saudi Arabia look at where the first months of the club’s foggy management structure has taken it and decide to rip everything up and start again? There are voices in Riyadh suggesting it will. One winter window on the Tyne. So much on the line.

Hoping to monitor it over the line.

As if you saw this without a blue tick by his name and thought it was real

No monitoring the situation? Amateurs!

Was thinking this. I know we're RIIIIIICH, but still seems to be a bit of a pipe dream in my head.

If we had started the season with Howe instead of Cabbageheed we'd be fine. The rot was allowed to set in for too long. Somehow we're not cut adrift yet, but the signings need to be early doors as we don't have any games we can afford to waste.

Remember him complaining publicly about having to pay 30p to use the toilets at Euston station despite being a millionaire? Sums him up completely.

I just hope they have things ready to go for 1st January. So far it's taken them ages to appoint a manager and director of football. Time isn't a luxury we have when it comes to transfers. They need to be instant and ready to go if we are going to be a PL team next season.

Souness fewming in the studio.

Souness probably did the most damage to the club. Dismantled Bobby's team which was competing at the top of the table and in the CL and replaced it with a bunch of shit and we've never recovered since. I got so much shit for being so critical and unhappy the day he was appointed but anyone with an ounce of common sense could have seen it coming.

No. The King got rid of him. Cabbagehead signed him at Hull on loan and fell out with him.

Would have been one of the strangest goals I've ever seen that.

Thank you Comrade.

Agent Krul

Said it for a while now. It's too late. The failure is too baked in at this point.