Reads like a fucking QVC pitch.
"And the good thing about the Janmaatt is it's just super versatile! Is your squad cluttered up with all these different types of player? If you're a Man United, and one say you need a wingback - slips right on in there."
"Wow, easy as that? That's great for elderly relatives, or Dutchmen who have difficulties selecting the right team."
"I know, right? It's so simple, evem David Moyes could utilise him. But that's not all! Bid now and we'll throw in your pick of promising academy players at no extra cost."