Keefaz

Still giving the left winger too much room to attack him. I dont mean to be a negative nancy, but he was torn apart by Petrov earlier on in the season because of his positioning, and despite his performances overall having improved, hes still playing and positioning himself in a way that leaves him open to a decent winger. I'm not convinced he's a fullback. Doesn't look like it to me. Looks more like the commanding centre-half we've been crying out for.

It was bizarre. He was playing in exactly the right positions to make nothing happen. If he'd played up front, all right, or on the wing, but he just floated about.

The bloke is one of the worst I've seen. The worst what? Bloke? Harsh.

Hard to use pace when you get fuck all in the ways of service, mate. It's a bit of both, tbh. Martins's movement is pretty terrible.

Very debatable if you ask me.. How exactly? Smith knocks the ball away, the man dives in and gets nowhere near the ball and takes Smith out. But it was his birthday!

Think Beye is a quality player. Still think he should be in the centre where we need the solidity more.

Thought Dukes looked good when he came on. Some nice touches and should probably have been on earlier. Shocking bloody match, though, really.

What an utterly horrific match.

Is N'Zogbia pissed?

Get someone on the pissing right.

Boring fucking match.

Great start. Some lovely football.

I like the violin music. A classy touch.

Wait until ESPN get in on the act. Now that will be inferior coverage.

Apparently, some mentalist turned up at Soho Square and starting ranting about how film stars and other celebrities smoking on TV is bringing about a tobacco-fueled holocaust. Was it James?

What the fuck are you lot on about? Games do not float down rivers or make their way overseas.

I think he means intonation.

Aye, lucky we got rid and brought in Souness who bought quality like Albert Luque and Boumsong.

I think he's trying to sound impassioned or something. Just sounds like he can hardly believe the script he's having to read out.

Didn't see the Birmingham match, but from what I've heard from my mates, he was the only one really trying to get at them.

You need a good strong fella to help carry all those bibs and nets around.

Still, at least you're getting Ronaldinho.

Racist!

He's had her replaced by a proper hot beverage technician, and not a moment too soon. We've been in the bloody dark ages on the tea front.