Memphis

“He wanted to know exactly his role, and exactly what he needed to do, which is very rare for players. They normally just turn up and play. I was delighted with that." -McClaren on Thauvin Pretty damning indictment of most players. Although to be fair, I'm guessing if Thauvin had asked Carver or Pardew the specifics of his role, he'd have been met with a "show me some magic" and "be a spark".

Payet is 6 years older, is he not? Part of the price of the deal is the potential involved, whether that is realised here or not.

Seems weird to be signing him. I never envisioned it would actually ever happen. We are persistent, if nothing else. One way or another, if we're linked to you, we'll sign you. Someday, Dirk Kuyt, someday...

I'm struggling to be too upset by this. I don't think we've seen anywhere near the best from Cabella, bar a half here or there -- and while Zidedine Zidane would have struggled under the management of Pardew/Carver, I still have my doubts as to whether Cabella's truly cut out for this league. Might be his mentality, might be the lack of pace, lack of physicality, I don't know. He's certainly a talented player but something appears to be missing and we don't appear to have the patience to wait for it to emerge -- if it ever would. So if his loan is a makeweight in this deal, I'm fine with it. If the option to buy is 8-10m, just my guess, but seems reasonable, then the total cost of the deal would make far more sense. If they're paying Cabella's wages, and I'm sure they are, that helps to explain it, too. Regarding Thauvin, his strengths are ones we need to be buying. His weaknesses are ones we've had trouble with in the past. Certainly a risk. But if he can play as a pacy, classy winger with actual end product, that would be huge for us. Other than Aarons, who is tremendously exciting but largely unproven, we don't have that. From what we've seen of McClaren's setup, we need it desperately. More importantly, Mitrovic needs it -- and the club needs to be bringing the best out of 13m strikers. It makes sense. It obviously doesn't eliminate our need for a defender, particularly a fullback, but we do have a separate need for a player like Thauvin, so as long as this doesn't come at the FB's expense, it's a net positive.

Easy to be negative as a knee-jerk reaction to this one, so I will be. It was a dereliction of duty to give Coloccini another year on his contract. It bodes so poorly for us over the next two seasons -- the guy is finished. It was clear last year, it's even clearer now. He can't jump, he's lost two steps of pace, and his positioning continues to be awful. He will hold us back, no matter what, and the worst part is that his alternatives are somehow worse than he is. Janmaat. What a joke of a match. Should be embarrassed, probably isn't. Wijnaldum wasn't up to it today against a very well-prepared and technically excellent midfield. Presumably there's much more to come but he was poor today. Colback was his usual self out there. Haidara is nowhere near Premier League quality. We only crafted 2 or 3 even halfway decent moves before the sending off, and even those were tame by comparison to Swansea. For all the talk of innovation and Cathro and fresh thinking, we look very much the same as we did last season. We're comfortably slower in all but about 2 spots on the pitch compared with most opponents, we don't seem to understand how to build an attack from back to front -- the only real danger this year has come from one counter attack. The movement continues to be stilted and predictable when it's even there at all. I guess it really hits home how poor we are as a squad, but man, today was depressing. We are easily 5 or 6 decent players away from being a top 10 team, most of them defenders.

Good 40 minutes from Janmaat. Plays Gomis on, gets skinned by Montero constantly, two dumb yellows, and that's that. We are still miles away from being competitive with teams like Swansea. 2-2 draw with Southampton at home looks a lot less appealing now that they've played their 2nd game. Need new ideas. We already look stale.

Thought we were quite good in the main. Wijnaldum's movement and energy were excellent until they weren't. Was really encouraged by the way we played out of the back, with the two CBs splitting, allowing Anita - who was steady and neat - to receive the ball from deep while also allowing our FBs to get well forward. Both CBs can play the ball, which is a nice luxury, shame Colo is about 4 years past his prime. In theory, with better players than Colo and Haidara, that could be a nice platform. Mbemba was phenomenal in the second half, towering header to clear it away from Pelle when Pelle was 6 yards out. Nice anticipation and looks comfortable on the ball. Was at fault for the first but also was unclear about positions of Colo and Janmaat. As the game went on, that improved. Kept a nice line in the second half, too. Decent movement in the attacking areas although we tried too hard to play it down the flanks without great wingers. Still not fast enough overall in our passing, got caught in possession too often against the high pressure of Southampton. But there were some good one-twos, Sissoko was excellent before fading, and you can see there is a lot of potential for improvement. Good game overall, would have taken a point at the beginning of the day, defence being what it was. Our preseason US chuckle fest didn't help.

Just showering and this popped into my head (I had been on the beach, to be fair, might have gotten too much sun) To the tune of "Do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo" Came to Toon after leaving PSV Singing Ooh Wij-nald-i-diddy-dum-diddy-doo Scoring goals just as natural as can be Singing Ooh Wij-nald-i-diddy-dum-diddy-doo He can pass (he can pass) He can score (he can score) He can pass, he can score, he can do it all and more

“I wanted to score and was doing everything to score but I was a little unlucky. Maybe it will happen on Saturday, or if not then against Southampton – that is the most important game and I am sure I will score in that one." Love this guy.

He's so bland on MOTD but he's brilliant on Twitter.

Elvis - Return to Sender Chancel Mbemba His age unknown Might be 20 Might be old The lad's from Congo Gave Willo the sack Don't ask his age because those papers keep coming back Flew over from Belgium He's the next Kompany His bones say 20 But his face looks 43

There didn't seem to be much negotiation for Mbemba or Mitrovic on the transfer fee - certainly not by our standards. Could it be that we are smart enough to establish a good relationship with Anderlecht going forward, knowing that players like Tielemans will be moving soon enough?

Catapult body monitors. They record heart rate, exertion levels, speed, etc.

We have zero squad depth, especially in defence.

LOLando AARONS is the punch in a turdbowl

Shades of Leyton Orient here

I think this is very much the case. Surely he wouldn't put out this ludicrous back 4 otherwise.

Sissoko got outjumped there. He clearly doesn't give the tiniest shit about these matches.

Shane Ferguson is sealing his loan to Shamrock Rovers with this performance.

Pretty neat to get murdered on set pieces by an MLS reserve team playing on short rest. Bodes well.

That was so easy

Cngrt!

From Serbian journalist Aca Stojanović on Twitter: Aleksandar Mitrović has passed the medical with flying colors and signed an contract with NUFC ten minutes ago. Cngrt

There's £150 deducted from that first pay packet. It is endearing to see him checking into the hotel with our top on. Kind of strange. But endearing.

Don't know what he's saying but this guy is never 20. I'd have said 40 before I said 20.