Raconteur

A bar of soap wrapped in a towel, Full Metal Jacket style. The whole squad, with Nolan standing in for Private Joker...

But of course you do...

Reminded me of those Campbell pics that caused all the commotion. Very unflattering...

One of my early memories watching football that. Used to absolutely bot Milan like. Proper little glory seeker I was. Champions League/European cup rules were daft as fuck back then. Remember Barca doing Man Utd something rotten in the groups as they had to play Gary Walsh and the likes. Nothing daft about it - three foreigners was the rule and every manager knew it and therefore only had themselves to blame when they tried to fit five or six into a matchday squad. In fact Ferguson had one big advantage - the likes of Giggs and McClair weren't considered foreign players despite playing for a different nation...

Simplified. Ian's was funnier, but only just!

Barton v Kuyt I'll grant you - I chose Meireles because he's a centre midfielder who played out wide a bit early on. We mock Kuyt, and he is a donkey, but he's an effective one. If Barton is better, it's not by a huge margin. HBA will be playing in the hole. Us keeping him happy at our club depends on it, and Pardew has also said he will be playing HBA in the hole. Therefore while he can play on the left, he should be measured against his closest Liverpool equivalent; Steve Gerrard.

Answered in reply to madras. But your so-called faith is bad because it makes it impossible to debate the blind Ashley haters because your ridiculous claims take credibility away from your arguments. You're right, it's not all doom and gloom as the likes of Colocho and Wullie would have us believe, but fuck me, it's not the beautiful flower garden you paint it to be either. As much as Jose Enrique is a different case to Carroll, I am certain we've lost him. When he was signed, he was allegedly told he was signing for a club aiming for Europe. Since then, he's developed into one of Spain's best left backs but cannot crack it into the national team squad. If he signs a new three year contract would either Europe or Spainish national recognition come to pass? Very doubtful. But if he moved, it almost certainly would. And this is where the "ambition" argument comes in - maybe we could aim to crack the top 6, but do you think we are going to try? I have sympathy for those labelled "Ashley sympathisers" but I honestly don't think we are going to try...

You have officially flipped out. You've been walking a fine line for some time, but you've irrefutably revealed yourself to be off the chart. Punk77, you've been accused of being an Ashley apologist more than once, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that you are Ashley, or more likely, one of his paid underlings... have to say though, apart from ireland he has a bit of a point. It's a point that is easily refuted though. Ireland has to be discounted as you say - that was just dumb. Tiote and Coloccini are indeed better than their Liverpool equivalents (but not by a large margin). Barton > Meireles is debateable. As much as I think Gerrard is the most overrated English player I can remember it would still be a brave man to say that HBA > Gerrard. (Jose Enrique > Konchesky is a no brainer) So three is more accurate, imho. And then consider by how much there strikeforce and keeper is compared to ours - we're kidding ourselves if we think we're on their coat tails. I despise Liverpool, and spent the first half of the season hoping Woy would take them down, but it has to be said their squad quality is superior to ours. They've slipped out of the "Big Four" (imho it's now a Big Three followed by The Next Three, which Liverpool are a part of) Punk77 claims to be optimistic but is in fact deluded - to think we are even close to them is just a fantasy. We'll find out this summer if we want to aim for seventh, because even spending the Carroll (and most probably) Jose Enrique money that's the most we can hope for next season...

You have officially flipped out. You've been walking a fine line for some time, but you've irrefutably revealed yourself to be off the chart. Punk77, you've been accused of being an Ashley apologist more than once, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that you are Ashley, or more likely, one of his paid underlings...

Would give Ranger a nice kick up the ass to have another youth team striker play first team football ahead of him. I know he's not ready, but neither is Ranger - and at least the Goal Fairy just might be a first team footballer, one day...

While Cruyff, Eusebio and Best wouldn't even be on the list... (Although why Best is on there I don't know. Some kind of George/Leon joke?)

That, right there, demonstrates why "must win the World Cup" is a falacious argument for determining the "best player". You're saying that over the course of hundreds of club games Messi is the better player, but over less than a dozen Zidane was better, and therefore Zidane is better overall. It doesn't wash for me. Oh, and as for the "has to leave Barca" line - wasn't all of Pele's (noteworthy) football played in one country? (And don't give me that NASL bullshit either...)

Didn't we reject bids for Andy Carroll before his blossoming? I'm sure Bruce claimed to have made a bid when at Wigan, and I seem to remember a Championship bid too...? And before anyone asks for proof or a link - there's a reason it's phrased as a question. I have an erratic memory

I'm pretty sure that whenever I've commented on Ranger it's been to say he's shite. It's just that after the Villa game I realised that to say he's shite is cruel to shite. Not everyone was that bad really - I thought that even some of those that were criticised in the match thread weren't as bad as suggested. Lovenkrands, Barton, Jose Enrique, Jonas - these all came in for criticism I thought was undeserved. But I felt Taylor and especially Ranger were at least as bad as their critics said. Having said that, I apologise for taking the HBA thread off track. As the first half of the post you quoted said - I'm excited about HBA's return because he's almost as good as the hype! (No one could hope to live up to repeat wanks over the Everton YouTube vid, but it IS exciting that he's a part of the squad going forward!)

At least HBA comes close to matching the hype and buildup - unlike that soiled wankrag of a player, Ranger...

Hehe, I thought my ears were deceiving me!

Liverpool. Daylight. Man Utd. More daylight. Chelsea.

Do you need to be a psychologist? If you were thinking of moving to another club, would you give an interview like that - bigging yourself up, slagging off other players and saying that Dabo deserved a wacking? Who genuinely thinks he's off this summer though? Regardless of his reputation, no one would consider matching his wages. I've said this before and these "new" quotes convince me further - he's enjoying the freedom to say whatever he wants from a position of absolute security. He'll never get picked for England, so he can slag off Barry, Gerrard and Lampard with impunity. He knows he'll still be at the Toon come September, so he can voice his concerns regarding transfer policy without fearing his immediate prospects. What will be interesting is if he's saying the same thing in twelve months time...

Why would the Puma logo be so high on the shoulder...?

They're thinking about their product - a global product - and they want to be able to say "We're thinking of the hundreds of millions of people around the world who may have been offended." Think of it the same way as taking the shirt of in celebration suddenly being worthy of a yellow card. It's got nothing to do with the game but the sensibilities of some viewers who find it offensive. If it was anyone other than Rooney and Man USA I'd be betting on an extension to three games under the frivolous appeal rule. As it is, I'm very curious to see which way the wind blows.

Can't argue with those choices - especially as Man Utd aren't likely to be relegated in my lifetime...

He's a classless cheat and an anti-football merchant. Win at all costs might be great for the club he's currently at, but his sides play ugly football that bears no relation to the beautiful game. It's a sad indictment on the state of the game that he is lauded so highly. On many levels...

If Routlege goes, it's a certainty. If he stays, then it is still very likely. You'd put money on it, but the odds would be shit...

So, for clarity's sake, the Ashley haters contend that Carroll submitted his transfer request because he didn't trust Ashley to re-negotiate his contract in the summer? And this lack of trust was due to the club reneging on it's promises to Milner re contract upgrades? I ask because, while that has some logic to it, the manner in which the two players were treated by the club was very different (if we believe "the stories"). Milner was (supposedly) mistreated by Souness, got shafted over his contract and had his first move to Villa cancelled. Whereas Carroll was (supposedly) supported during his two rather serious assaults (the Taylor one especially), given a new contract and the #9. I can understand Milner being hacked off at the club, but Carroll had been treated with leniency and indulgence. Whilst there are similarities, there are also significant differences.

I don't think there is a single Toon fan who is "wholly appreciative" of Mike Ashley, but that is an otherwise reasonable post, Wilky