Ronaldo

Aye. Just the 22 out of 25 PL seasons and 8th on the all-time table.

He's 22 and would already walk into most PL sides. He's only going to get better and is likely close to a decade away from his best. I think it's a good deal for all involved.

I think the fact Ritchie looks most comfortable at RW means we'd keep him central my mate. Unlikely to stay, obviously. I'd hope if we sold him we'd reinvest in a midfielder.

Yep. Very solid CB.

Yeah. He's an absolutely smashing lad apparently but has a really laid-back attitude to his football career. Time to go.

Means playing with 1 striker, though. I'm starting to think that's probably unwise. Shelvey - Diame CM if Moussa leaves and we fail to buy another.

Quite clearly his grandson or someone typing filtered musings out, like.

Was this something along the lines of giving Robert a 2 out of 10 rating in the Chronicle which Robert got angry about? I've heard the story before but can't remember the details It was Oliver's ratings and an article from Gibson just before Xmas which got him mad. When he grabbed Oliver by his collar he had a copy of the paper in his other hand.

Probably explains why Rafa stopped playing him.

Same. Was spotted necking pints with Carroll in town not long after he signed IIRC The Diamond in Ponteland. More than once he's been smashed in there, actually.

The best thing John Gibson ever did was write a preposterous article that was ultimately responsible for Alan Oliver getting attacked by Robert after that Spurs game in late 2002.

We'd have had to score for that to happen.

I think he'll do well, but we can't be completely reliant on him and Gayle. Especially Mitro. We need a 3rd source of goals up there.

Look what he did to Norwich last season, man. He was barely out of 2nd gear all game. He'd piss all over this league.

Crouch is 36 in a few months. Can't stand him, either. No thanks.

You would say that, though. You think it's more important for a CB to be able to dribble than win the ball in the air.

Benitez's mantra has always been compact. I doubt that'll change, as much as I think it probably should in this league.

To be fair it sounds like one of his better recent performances.

Benitez himself says we need at least one more striker. He's not gonna get rid of arguably the best one we have, man.

Lascelles was nowhere near Smith, nobody else's fault but his.

At a guess, that entire article's been made up.

Two of the three main candidates for the England job, by the way. The other (successful) one paid £7m for a knackered Alan Smith. They inject passion, mind.

The problem isn't the players we've bought, it's the lack of them, and the woeful quality of the players we couldn't shift this summer.

Meanwhile Vurnon Anita's in his position here.

Your humour is so dry it's shrivelled up and died.