Ronaldo

Tiote's crap, Anita's a wrong fit and Marveaux has a terrible injury record. Anyone advocating selling Cabaye without replacement needs a slap.

I think Marveaux's more creative than Hatem when he's actually on the pitch.

I see it going more like this: Chairman "Hello." JFK "Right, I want to sign Owyawang." Chairman "Who is this!?" JFK "Who the fuck do you think it is?" Chairman (hangs up) Rinse and repeat for all other transfer targets.

£6m.

We'll see. If Everton dig their heels in someone will most certainly pay it.

His stock was probably at its highest last summer, so they've not held on that much longer than they should've. Anyway, he's a very good defender and a hell of a footballer. Easily worth £20m at 28.

Pointless.

What do you expect him to do?

To be fair to Pardew I think he basically demanded Simpson be replaced.

Not a good footballer, but mostly a decent defender and overall a good signing.

I can defintely listen to those two. Good choice.

Pray that it is.

It amazed me just how many people have their head buried in sand.

Nothing. He probably started the sentence with a reference to ex-captain Pardew in mind and lost his trail of thought while staring at his abhorrent reflection.

No, in a word.

Still think he'll be a player. He always seems to get chances when he's on the pitch.

Him and a genuine winger either side of Cisse would work in theory.

Ben Arfa in the no.10 role creates more problems than it solves.

Sissoko is the best of the bunch, so he'd be in there regardless.

Opening sentence is about as ridiculous as it gets. Like saying I'd rather my hair stopped falling out than find a cure fur cancer.

We should probably stop liking lads who score a cracker or two in the reserves but hide like a rabbit when up against mighty Brighton.

The stupid cunt stands on doors in the freezing cold trying to look hard with his collar up, man. Take no notice.

Shola's only going to get better and better at his young age. Going nowhere.

Just have to hope Pardew adopts the 'hide behind corners and jump out in front of him frequently' approach.