Kaizero

Randomly enough, Jan Aage Fjørtoft appears 100% convinced a deal's been made That and Downie making a big deal out of Woltemade getting #27 instead of #9 were the only things of note I was able to find on X about it from today.

Won't play for them this weekend and has told Wolves he wants to leave: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-15047379/Wolves-Jorgen-Strand-Larsen-Newcastle-move.html Sources tell Norwegian news-outlet Nettavisen that Newcastle aren't giving up on the signing: https://www.nettavisen.no/sport/nettavisen-erfarer-newcastle-presser-pa-for-strand-larsen/s/5-95-2592316 Also says we envision Strand Larsen as a #9 and Woltemade as a #10. Couldn't find any other relevant news posted in the last hour, though, so don't know if the statement about us having had a bid accepted is true or not

FWIW, Jose said (IIRC, at least something along the lines of) when he signed for Fenerbache that his next club after them would be a club that normally doesn't qualify for any UEFA competitions and that it would be his last club job (implying national management afterward). It would be a non-big team as he intended to end his club managerial career proving he truly was a special one by bring a club from nothingness to glory. Hope he actually attempts doing that rather than phoning it in with another mid-club as for the neutral, success or failure, it'd be entertaining to follow.

Chelsea 3-0 Fulham Man United 1-2 Burnley Spurs 2-0 Bournemouth Sunderland 2-2 Brentford Wolves 2-1 Everton Leeds 1-3 Newcastle Brighton 2-2 Man City Forest 3-0 West Ham Liverpool 1-3 Arsenal Villa 3-1 Palace

Sørloth is a perfect foil for teams with a pair of fast fucking wingers on both sides as he's great at holding up the ball at the same time as creating space for one, or both, of the wingers to run in behind and onto the pass that's heading their way after Sørloth 9 out of 10 times make mincemeat of the defender on his back, opening up space for a pass to one of the wingers closing down space – in turn allowing him the space he needs to just run straight through the middle and into the box where any nearby opposition defender better pray they clear the ball before it gets to Sørloth from one of the wings, because if they don't and have to challenge him to a physical duel? Well, I mean...

Sørloth turns 30 in December iirc, which is probably why the asking price is as much of a steal as it appears to be given how most "big" clubs these days tend to exclusively go for players in the 22 to 26 year range. Wonder if that trend stems from something genuine or if it's just another quirky transfer trend that's only caught on amongst "big" clubs because they saw one or two other "big" clubs do it and just started copying that out of fear of them having missed out on some vital information their competitors for some reason had Outlier among the "big" leagues seem to be the Serie A as the clubs there are trying to catch all the 26+ year old players they can, with Turkey at the ready to pick off the 30+ year old scraps that fall to the floor from the Italian transfer feast for 26+ year olds. Isak, for that matter, turns 26 next month. Whilst it's fair to assume Isak will have a few more seasons being in his prime vs. the time left for Sørloth's prime, it's still kind of baffling that only Napoli seem to be seriously going for Sørloth this window. If Sørloth has 2 to 3 more seasons at his current level, you'd pay between £11.5m and £16.5m per season to be secured at least 15+ goals for each of the three seasons. Meanwhile, if we say Isak will fall off at the same age as I'm theorising for Sørloth (33), if a club signed him for £150m this window they'd be paying £18.5m a season for the same pleasure. Yes, they'd get a few more years left over in the bank than they'd get with Sørloth*, but I mean... the math be mathing, feels fairly straightforward to me *only left in the bank as long as Isak manages to avoid getting Keane-on-Haaland'd at some point by a player that hates turncoat cunts...

I mean... if Joe Biden is one of the fastest strikers in La Liga then, sure (https://www.scisports.com/ranking-the-top-speedsters-la-liga-edition) On that note, according to UEFA measurements taken from all of the fixtures they took part in during the last UEFA Nations League*: Alexander Isak – 32.68 km/h Alexander Sørloth – 32.5 km/h * https://www.uefa.com/uefanationsleague/teams/players/250089868--alexander-isak/ https://www.uefa.com/uefanationsleague/teams/players/250061361--alexander-sorloth/

Even as a self-hating Norwad that loves few things more than rant about how shit Norwegian players are, I'd be frothing at the mouth, crotch and other bodily orifices where frothing could occur if we somehow were to end up fucking signing Sørloth as the conclusion to the abhorrently shit Isak transfer saga. In practice, we'd exchange a striker averaging a goal/assist every 97.08 minute played across the last two seasons, for a striker averaging a goal/assist every 78.42 minute of football played. Granted, there's obviously a difference between the playing style of the LaLiga and the PL – lest we forget that Sørloth was brought into the fold for Real Sociedad to replace Isak. In itself it was a transfer where Sørloth signed without much fanfare or high expectations given how he'd just recently fully shat the bed when he got his first chance at the big time after he signed for Palace aged 22. However, Isak left Sociedad following a 1 goal/assist per 269.62 minutes of league football for them, with Sørloth ending the season after Isak's departure leading the line for Sociedad with 1 goal/assist per 159.86 minutes of league football played. A whopping 109.75 minute improvment between each goal/assist notched by their main striker. Yes, please, with sugar on top. Honestly have actually considered Sørloth as a player that's just outside the "realistic transfer targets" for this window. Honestly wouldn't stress one iota if reality ends up being us banking tons of cash from shipping out the nasty infectious rat currently at the club for a player I'd genuinely view as a like-for-like improvement.

West Ham 0 - 2 Chelsea Man City 3 - 1 Spurs Bournemouth 2 - 2 Wolves Brentford 1 - 3 Villa Burnley 0 - 3 Sunderland Arsenal 3 - 1 Leeds Palace 2 - 2 Forest Everton 1 - 2 Brighton Fulham 3 - 2 Man United Newcastle 4 - 3 Liverpool

FWIW, there’s apparently only one team Bodø/Glimt wants to avoid from pot 3 and 4 (as they believe they can square up against the rest), and that’s us. I quote supporter-club spokesperson Martin Sleipnes: “Newcastle tror jeg ville vært svinjævlig å møte”. Direct translation: “I believe Newcastle would be damn fucking hard to play”.

In past seasons Norwegian clubs have played many a pre-season friendly against PL teams whilst being mid-season, and bar the odd “Man Utd being shit” our clubs have usually been rolled over even in mid-season form and fielding their strongest starting elevens. Again, the odd exceptions being when they field their U20s against Man Utd’s presumed first week starting eleven and roll them over with ease.

It feels counter-intuitive, I was going in fully prepared to unleash a shitfest but then I looked at the actual numbers and couldn't in good faith bash him as intended Lesson to be learnt for those wanting to keep bashing players of their own nationality without reason; don't go actually look at the numbers

I'm watching genuinely confused, because either the standard of the Norwegian league isn't as shit on the whole as I believed, or Palace are absolute dogshit (which doesn't compute with what I've seen from them in the PL) Even more so confused as Rosenborg looked the better team against Mainz and beat them 2-1 in their match earlier tonight, as well as Brann managing to win 2-1 at home against some Cypriot side as well. We were secured two teams in Europe due to Bodø/Glimt qualifying for the EL if they lost their CL Play-Off and Brann qualifying for the ECL if they go out against AEK. Never envisioned neither Rosenborg or Fredrikstad even remotely looking like they had any semblance of hope in their matches, now I think Rosenborg actually have a chance to qualify and if Fredrikstad keep it to 1, god knows what could happen when they play Palace at home. Madness. Utter, utter, madness.

As a Norwegian, I feel uniquely positioned to state an opinion as we inherently talk down our players until they end up doing so well that it's beggars belief to talk them down (Haaland being pretty much the sole example), as well as us always looking for even the smallest "crack" in their armour as an opportunity for us to begin talking them down rather than up. As such, I've always been dismissive of Strand Larsen as anything other than "just another big striker among big strikers". That said, if the question was "Matheus Cunha or Jørgen Strand Larsen", and you're someone that would say "Cunha, of course, ten out of ten times" – you might also find yourself surprised if you take a look at the actual numbers posted by both. For starters, they both played for the same team last season and played the exact same amount of minutes in the league for that team. Cunha: 35 apps / 15 goals / 6 assists Larsen: 35 apps / 14 goals / 4 assists Meaning Cunha ended with 1 goal/assist per 123 minutes and Strand Larsen 1 goal/assist per 144 minutes, which isn't all that different. Looking at the season before that, Strand Larsen played for a team that finished 14th in LaLiga and finished 13th on the overall top scorer table, as the highest non-top 10 team player of the bunch (if I didn't miss anyone, didn't check if Valencia for instance ended on the higher half or lower but feel like they finished higher that season). Season before that he appears to mainly have been used as an impact sub in the later part of matches, and the season before that he did great for Groeningen in the Eredivisie as the 7th highest goalscorer in the league for a team finishing 12th. As such, I find it hard to argue that he's not at the very least an above mediocre striker given how he's performed for teams that've all finished in the lower half of their respective leagues at the same time as him finishing in the top goalscorers list of the leagues at the end of each season. Who's to say he won't do better than what he's done so far in his career if playing for a team in the top half of their respective league? Depending on the price, amongst the currently quoted batch of transfer targets, I'd say he's perhaps the one I believe would best suit our playing style without needing time to adapt as well as having proven he can score goals and assist in the Premier League already. Given Wolves bought the guy for £30m and he seems to have proven he can score goals in the PL, £50m to £60m doesn't seem that horrid in the grand scheme of transfer fees bandied about for even unproven players. Especially as Cunha went for £65m and has a somewhat weaker history to show for that price point, managing 0 goals for Atletico Madrid (who finished 3rd) in the same season Strand Larsen netted 14 for Celta Vigo (who finished 13th). Even the season before that, Strand Larsen scored 2 whilst being an impact sub for a team fighting relegation as Cunha scored 6 in the same type of impact sub role for a team mounting a title challenge. That said, my own hipster choices for striker to buy would be either Jonathan Burkardt from Eintracht Frankfurt or Nick Woltemade from VfB Stuttgart.

Was the home fixture, ended 5-0.

Bodø/Glimt 3-0 up before 25 minutes has passed in their first CL match (play-offs) this season.

Rather the opposite, we're secured two teams in Europe this season because of what they've done so far and if those two teams manage to at least just do somewhat ok, we'll be better off going forward as well. More money gets evenly spread out amongst the other top division teams from UEFA as well, so whilst Bodø/Glimt might end up being the one singular dominant force in our national league for a decade or more, Norwegian football on the whole will be stronger for it. Assume it'd turn out similar as back when Rosenborg kept qualifying for the CL every season, leading to us eventually having two teams in the CL. In the 26/27 season we'll be secured one team in the CL group stage and another team just having to go through one play-off stage to get in as well, being secured at least participating in the EL group stage.

Only interesting thing about that fixture is the fact they're both winners of the national cup, so it's a bit of a Cup Winners´ Cup throwback.

Footage of what Isak's been up to this summer:

Full on looked like a hostage victim forced to state he is being treated kindly by his captors on video