Pilko

Tell us what you think of the pitch please, Jermaine?

Ref waving yellows at Ipswich players for fun but equivalent or worse ones by Liverpool players, nah. Welcome back to the PL Ipswich.

I liked the idea of Ipswich being back in the PL and then they throw Sheeran and that incredibly small time PA man at us and I'm now wavering.

I wasn't being serious like

Swear to god if we don't win tomorrow this is going to feel like such a depressing start to the season.

Imagine if we could have enjoyed that Garnacho miss at 0-0

Fuck off you spawny disgusting cunts. Cancel the season please.

How many chances is Casemiro going to miss fuckers had about 8 shots

Maguire halfway to the ground before he's even touched, fat headed cheat. Great refereeing.

Scored now as well.

Let's have a nice Fulham win to get proceedings off to a great start ey?

What an absolute bunch of Peter Ian Stakers the Palace lot are. £65m not enough Walk away and go get someone else now, this is becoming boring and he's not worth the added time or investment.

Premier League Winners: Man City Runners Up: Arsenal 3rd-6th: Newcastle, Chelsea, Tottenham, Liverpool Relegation: Southampton, Brentford, Leicester Overachievers: Ipswich, Bournemouth, Wolves Underperformers: West Ham, Palace, Man U Top Goal Scorer: Haaland Break Out Year: Trey Nyoni, Rodrigo Munoz, Alex Scott, Emile Smith Rowe, Ian Maatsen Season to Forget: Niklas Fullkrug, Joshua Zirkzee, Dominic Solanke, Tosin Adarabioyo PFA Player of the Year: Rodri PFA Young Player of the Year: Foden Manager of the Year: Kieran McKenna First manager to quit/be sacked: Russell Martin Championship Winners: Burnley Runners Up: Leeds Play-Offs: Boro, Luton, QPR, Stoke Relegation: Oxford Utd, Cardiff, Bristol City Newcastle United Where will we finish?: 3rd Top Goalscorer: Isak (22) Top Assister: Gordon (12) Season to forget: Trippier Will Howe be manager at the end of the season?: Yes Domestic League One Promotion: Birmingham, Bolton, Lincoln League One Relegation: Bristol Rovers, Northampton, Cambridge, Crawley League Two Promotion: MK Dons, Carlisle, Gillingham, Doncaster League Two Relegation: Morecambe, Harrogate National League Promotion: Barnet, Gateshead FA Cup: Man City League Cup: Spurs EFL Trophy: Charlton Europe La Liga winner: Real Madrid Serie A winner: Juve Bundesliga winner: Bayern Munich European Competitions Champions League winner: Real Madrid Europa League winner: Real Sociedad Conference League Winner: Chelsea General World Player of the Year: Vinicius Jr World Young player: Pedri

Looks like one of those blouses Noel Edmonds used to wear when he presented Deal or No Deal.

Tampon shortage klaxon in 5, 4.....

Find it hard to say we should stop the bidding at X price because we don't know what the alternative is or how that impacts any other signings. Just hope we set ourselves/Palace a deadline to either agree the fee or not and then move swiftly onto other targets if need be, as not getting a CB in would be a bad result.

Police attended the crime scene to find that several hundred coathangers had been stolen but thankfully no Sunderland shirts were missing.

"Newcastle's 0-0 loss against Arsenal" - that is a tricky one.

Another great advert, love the inclusion of so many past and current players and great nods to the north east. Grinned like a divvy all the way through watching it. Kit is nice too, a simpler take on the original and I hope it gets more than the obligatory two away outings this year.

Parker's hair he looks like he's gone to a fancy dress party as Thomas Frank.

Personally I won't believe a single scrap of this unofficial news until Marc Walton or Michael Chopra are on twitter telling us that the players have been told Guehi is signing.

Seabiscuit wouldn't have won American Horse of the Year 1938 for filth, so...

On the plus side, if you've got a bird round with the energy of Miggy she'd be able to ride you like you were Seabiscuit all weekend long.