Pilko

Yeah, that's right Sam: that 1-0 defeat at Derby minus a shot on target, where you brought on defenders to try and turn around a defecit. That really was the best thing since sliced bread.

Sammy Snake was part of a pair, he's got the other one in the van, want to see it? Can only assume that's Shola The Fanny.

He makes a few good points but then completely overplays them with shit bias. Terrible article.

There's a job going for you at nufc.co.uk with punnery like that.

The Sturridge deal in isolation though, loan with a view to buy, isn't that bad a shout. If the player is quality enough, then it's still worth doing. If we're talking about loaning loads of youngsters though then I agree.

Andy Carroll, Shane Ferguson, Tim Krul, Fraser Forster

No idea why, but seeing Shola grinning at the crowd like that made me feel all giddy.

Tiote Ben Arfa R.Taylor vs Accrington Barton's comes 4th and Nolan/Shola vs Mackems joint 5th.

Clearly Steven Taylor has passed the rent-a-quote baton to Barton lately. He's staring to get on my wick like, wish he'd fuck up for a while.

I watched the first episode of that shit. 21 minutes of a self-professed 'pub quiz' format show, including a commercial break, and he hadn't even asked a fucking question.

Hindi Hen Do on BBC1, Lead Balloon on BBC2, Family Guy, Newsnight, all sorts! He'll probably just flip over to attheraces and rub one out.

Hope he makes a success of it, if anyone deserves it, it's him.

You missed "shit" out of the description.

Baba trying to poach the 'domestic player bias' crown from oldtype. Come off it, Anichebe is an absolute joke of a footballer. He is to football what neesy is to the Oxford English Dictionary.

Crawley were a dismal 9/2 or something in my local WillHill. Not worth it.

Come on, we've been used to Alan Oliver being the main NE hack for goodness knows how long. Compared to that crinkly-faced fantasist, Douglas is absolutely fantastic.

That's quite nice.

Nope, no risk involved whatsoever about spending £15m+ on one player. That's worked out well in the past

although apparently chris hughton may be our new manager, if whispers are to be believed... I really hope so.

What is it with ex-Newcastle players being such incredibly idiotic and shite pundits? Micky Quinn, Bobby Moncur and Supermac are all so fucking negative, and Shearer is just very very plain on the MoTD sofa.

Now I finally understand his comments from after the Liverpool game when he said we lacked "je ne sais quoi". He was basically saying that we didn't have enough frogs in the team.

Johnson played a few games as a proper winger for Portsmouth a few years ago and he looked fairly decent, I think.

We certainly need to peddle Perch, and possibly also Ryan Taylor. Simpson shouldn't be off anywhere, but he needs some actual good competition for his place. Ryan Taylor is ahead of Perch for me purely for his ability to take set pieces (which fluctuates from excellent to turd) and also the fact he can fill in a lot of positions, although not particularly well.