Now you mention it, Carver and Jesus have the same initials, maybe he is Jesus?
Hold on, my initials are JC too, maybe I'm the Newcastle manager. Would explain a lot...
Everton 1-1 Sunderland
Aston Villa 2-1 West Ham
Hull 2-1 Burnley
Leicester 1-1 Southampton
Newcastle 1-1 West Brom
Stoke 2-1 Spurs
Crystal Palace 1-2 Man Utd
Man City 3-1 QPR
Chelsea 1-1 Liverpool
Arsenal 2-0 Swansea