Moose

On N-O, we're discussing washing machine etiquette, using deodorant on your boxers and analysing a shithole of a living room on the mackem thread. Meanwhile on RTG, they're expressing their relief that we've drawn Barça in the CL round of 16 on one of many Newcastle threads. Levels.

Speaking of Lonsdale, I've just been sent this: Yes, thats right. That's the official club channel reminiscing over a shirt from a 15 point relegation season.

Why would he even need a washing machine when he wears the same mackem home top and Lonsdale trackies every day?

I'm torn, I think we'd stand a better chance of progressing against Chelsea but the thought of being eliminated by them makes me sick to the depths of my soul. You just know Joao Pedro would score the deciding goal too!

Eurgh. It just gets worse and worse

A work of art, Hall of Fame calibre post. The funniest thing is that it probably didn't even take HawK that long to make this, all those points stand out like the bollocks on a bulldog. Great work on compiling it all, I think you covered everything. @SAFC L, @TeddySAFC, can you guys report the last few pages of this thread back to RTG please.

Ah god! All the clutter on that shelf as well man! The longer you look at it the worse it gets. I'm gonna have to log off for the night.

Jesus Christ, I was so wound up by the darts set up I hadn't even noticed how scruffy his carpet is! There's flotsam and jetsam all over the shop, I bet that room smells like a wet dog and stale Fosters! When was the last time you heeewvad that marra?!

I'm really grateful to have this lot as our rivals sometimes, they're hilarious.

He's still in the habit of forwarding inappropriate memes/jokes to everyone on his contact list, his 18 year old son who has grown to resent him only receives gore, porn and bad AI videos of Kier Starmer dressed as a Muslim. Shares racist posts from Turning Point and the EDL on Facebook. Doesn't have a favourite film, just watches whatevers on the box. Lambasts younger generations for being offended easily, loses his mind when he sees minorities in adverts and NHS pamphlets available in Polish and Urdu.

My OCD is going fucking tonto at the state of that! Why is the oche misaligned with the walkway which is misaligned with the board at the top? Why is the 'game on' almost touching the crest? What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Why is 'darts' directly underneath 'game on' and why is aligned to the right margin? Why do you even need to put 'darts' there in the first place? It's clearly a darts set up! The M on FTM is wonky. The '180' isn't centred to the crest. Why is there so much blank space, surely the crest with some red and white stripes would've sufficed. Whats with the silly dart emoji after every phrase? What are you? A 12 year old girl? Putting a PC monitor directly underneath a dartboard is an absurdly stupid idea, he'll find that out the hard way. It really annoys me that the walkway is up against the pipework for the radiator, it's never going to fit snug against the wall because of that. All the wires coming off the board and monitor look like a snakes wedding. Tidy that shit up. Do better.

The Turkish league is great for the "Oh aye, I forgot he was still playing" genre of players. Galatasaray seem to able to attract a slightly more upmarket calibre of those types of players than Fenerbache

If we're ever going to dump a dud on one of the PIF clubs please let it be Wissa!

Admittedly not based on much I've seen from his time here but he's an incredibly gifted, unique footballer whose ball carrying ability, link up play and intelligence is a level above what we currently have. I can easily see a scenario where he's slotted into a team that plays to his strengths (Bayern for example) and his game comes on leaps and bounds. To be fair, I probably went overboard in my choice of language but my point is I don't want us to give up on him and let someone else reap the rewards. There is something to be made of Woltemade which is why I'm more patient with him than I am with Elanga or Wissa for example. Also, I posted that very early in the morning before my coffee when my head is even more scrambled that usual!

Every single player he named would've been the best player for any of the teams they came up against during that run.

Aside from Mike Ashley, the most despicable cluster of cells to have ever been associated with our club. He made me hate football.

I really don't want us to give up on him too early. I can easily see a scenario where he goes to Bayern and ends up being one of the world's best, there must be a way we can make it work for him here, he's too talented to write off now.

If you sell Elvis, you need to buy The Beatles with the proceeds. We sold Elvis and bought the Insane Clown Posse.

Looks so clumsy and panicked in everything he does, he really doesn't inspire much confidence. How much is the option to buy?

Bit of a weird one, I totally get why we took our foot off the gas after the 2 goals, I was all for self preservation given that there was no jeopardy, with that said, I also don't like seeing the players strut around half arsed, particularly ones who should be looking to make a statement. Fuck it, job done. Bring on either of those 2 cunts next!

Hmmmmmm I know it was a damp squib of a match but to say that he didn't really look the part would be understating it!

Plays like he's wearing breezeblocks on his feet.

Looked absolutely fine, solid performance