Abacus

Stop it, I'm still daydreaming. Shay Given in goal, Albert and Woodgate in defence, Venison right back... Enrique left back? Wake me up when the horror ends.

I was going to say KK, but then I expect he'd have played them both together, probably alongside Ginola and with Beardsley at no 10, with Gascoigne as defensive mid. Plus an exhausted Alan Shearer knocking in all those chances. I am now off in a pleasant daydream.

On HBA, it's easy to forget that he had a horrific leg break right at a key point in his career, followed by an equally horrific manager in Alan Pardew. I agree with the mentality point, and he seems to have burned through managers anyway. You wonder what he might have achieved with a Sir Bobby in charge. He was probably the most naturally talented player I've ever seen live. At Max is just explosive, though. I'm not sure you can compare the two meaningfully. Again, whilst he's a libero and you might be best not to coach that out of him, again, I still think you'd see so much more with a decent manager. Again, Sir Bobby would have known what he had on his hands there

I agree with that. A loss against Leeds and he'd be wobbling (well, more than normal). That point gives him a few more games to keep his buttery mitts in charge and grease our way to relegation. 8

I was going to ask that, but there's quite a lot of information in there to start with.

5. I've always said, it's about the accumulation of pies.

On the last point, nothing really registers with him, that's the problem. Well, except for kebab shop closing times. He'll be an encyclopedia there - Mastermind specialist subject.

2015-16 I think, with Hull. Like, after getting them relegated in the first place.

I think he and Warnock both have 4 promotions from the championship. Warnock has more promotions overall if you include the lower leagues. It's that sort of stat that makes me worry that we'll hang on to him even if we get relegated.

I have been told that Steve Bruce has the joint highest number of promotions to the top flight, so that's pretty cool.

I am delighted to have Steve Bruce represent us at a big occasion such as this. He is a true ambassador for the club sandwich.

This squad should be well above the relegation places. But this fraud of a 'manager' is lower championship at best, so that's where we'll end up. 9

The buttery fool will be taking the stadium tour right now, praying for a free badge.

Well I for one hope Ronaldo forgets to put his shoe on and then steps in a dog dirt.

I'm excited to see how this turns out.

I think Pickford was a liability yesterday, and not just for the blunder that very nearly gave them a comical deflected goal. He is a good instinctive shot stopper, so can be good at pens, that's true. But he loses his head and every now and again he has the awful distribution skills of Yodel. He's either spanking the ball miles up the pitch to no purpose and giving a decent chance of it coming right back at us, or on at least one occasion making a short pass to the wrong player that played our defence right into trouble. The distribution point is exactly why we brought Dubravka in and suddenly, after I was wondering why we were prioritising a GK when we had the likes of Darlow who is similarly a decent shotstopper, it made sense. Particularly when we seemed to have much more glaring problems. Not saying he is perfect but it became obvious that suddenly we had a keeper that could find a player up the pitch without a 50-50 headed battle, and that's why Rafa has brought him in. Suddenly, you've not quite got an extra sweeper, but you at least have another footballer. And suddenly, the pressure is off the rest just that little bit. Now, a keeper can't just be a shot stopper. I do wonder how long he'll put up with Pickford at club level. The other thing is that he really doesn't command the box, just runs about looking panicked, and that can't give the defence much confidence. Of course it's an unfair comparison, but the likes of a David Seaman would leave their line at a corner or a cross and serenely gather the ball most of the time. They're intimidating in the way Pickford is not and never has been. Whilst it doesn't help that Pickford is no giant and with arms that can barely reach the top of his head, also watching him scurrying about glued to his line unable to catch anything can't fill anyone with confidence in the last few minutes of a game when you just need to hang on and the air raid sirens are going off. Where I do agree with you, however, is that I don't know what better options we have. But Southgate has a few matches now where we have the opportunity to experiment instead of just picking his favourites. And I do think this keeper is a weak link at the top level, so he should.

I think that trying to peer inside the mind of Steve "bin juice" Bruce by guessing his formations is like staring deep into the void. He is so existentially stupid that it can only lead to despair and, ultimately, death.

It's such a weird statement, as it's not really to the fans since none of us expected NUFC to buy anyone anyway. It looks like it's just airing an internal grievance. It's hilariously incompetent! Also, saying Joe Willock 3 times - he must be delighted with that.

Thanks for that link, given that a go - looking forward to reading it

Ah, I see. I think what you're asking is - "who is the biggest Pardew"? And whilst that's the biggest trophy that he might ever have hoped to win in real life, I still feel that he might well lose it but nevertheless have a glorious excuse for not doing so. After all, that makes him the Pardew that he is. So, I vote for John Gregory.

I had so forgotten about that crazy cat!

Bruce has got his buttery fingers on Pardews trophy I'd say. Which is more sexual than I'd like.

Hang on, have we actually forgotten Steve Bruce? Fair play if you can, mind.

Graham Taylor

Peter Reid, and his monkey's heed.