Monkey Alan

For the Botman deal, didn't we just bomb AC Milan out with a higher bid? Sven had his heart set on Italy. He was probably gutted until he met the madlads in our dressing room. Oh and on Olise, can we not get Daveed or Hatem to give him a ring? Tiny skirts? Even in Decembaire, Michael. Even in Decembaire.

I fancy a stinker of a season for them. Ten Hag sacked in November and a temporary and/or poorly thought out replacement brought in to guide them to 10th. And one of their defenders to be caught on video skipping the queue at a petrol station before inquiring, "Do you know who I am?".

Jermaine quite regularly couldn't be arsed. I will offer him some defence though; he never made the fish bowl comment. That came from his dimwitted manager. And on the subject of Graeme Souness, I could never fathom why our fans turned against Bellamy, who used to apply himself more on the pitch than Dyer and Jenas combined. What was Craig's crime? Falling out with Souness? He should've been fan favourite #1 for upsetting him. And hearing Shearer still referring to "Souey" makes me want to reach for the sick bucket. Or the golf club.

I think we probably told Bruno we were going to be the next PSG. I doubt we can get away with that little fib now. This is where we need Kevin Keegan on the Zoom calls.

Bet he was buzzing when Tindall called and told him the Trafford move is on

Not worried. A few Rhonda Byrne quotes and he'll be top drawer.

Isn't there some review panel or something now that decides if the fee is correct? I think Liverpool have to sign it off first. As for the Saudi league not being a charity, they'd be putting money into their own asset. Paying 240 million for Almiron would likely yield benefits for the House of Saud all round in the long run. I'd like to see us try. "Run that fee by your review panel, Arne."

Sunderland have been blighted by bad decision making all my life but someone played a blinder when they chose Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights as their entrance music. The grandiosity of it might never have quite befit the likes Quinn, Ball and Ord but, and I'll whispher it, it's one of the best entrance songs in football. (I know it's got nowt to do with Wearside and they probably nicked off someone else but it's still good) Worst pre-match song award goes to Chelsea. Imagine trying to get pumped up to instrumental reggae.

From a practical point of view, he ought to be moved on. We'll get a few bob him before his legs go and Ritchie can do the pep talks. All the best managers are ruthless. Me though, I'm a romantic. Give him a new 6 year deal and rename the shack 'The Tripp Stop'.

Arsenal fans have been saying for months "Newcastle need to sell". I couldn't find anything to verify this but now it seems somebody down in London knew something we didn't. It makes one wonder.

Stripes are too thick. Looks like a West Brom kit. Should've let the bairns draw pictures and then have Adam P select the best design. And then leave in a helicopter.

In terms of working around FFP and bidding wars, don't clubs make dodgy offers on the side? Surely we can afford to buy his mam the best island.

As many others on here have said, Bring him home! . Tonali Bruno . Wijnaldum Perez Mitro Wood

We are ready. Bookmark it.

I'm not one of life's optimists and nor am I the type to placate myself with comfortable fibs but I honestly think missing out on this naff competition will be a blessing come August. Eddie will be working like a man possessed, Tonali and Joelinton will be like caged beasts released in midfield, Hall and Livramento will be in their zones, ready to go in August, Isak's cool facade will be dropped and we'll see more of the radge packet side of him, Old Keiran Trippier will get a late career second wind, a sort of football viagra, Barnes will have been fully Howed and will force Gordon to step it up to a notch he didn't know he had, the sides of Fabian Schar's hair will turn black again and Botman will return in March like Kane entering the Royal Rumble as the 30th man.

Eddie is magnificent. Intelligent, humble, self-reflective, obsessed. I wouldn't change him for anyone. Klopp ran out of steam, Guardiola is playing on easy mode, Emery had a 5 year head start and Arteta's a hemorrhoid. Eddie's just nearly dragged Dubravka, Burn, Krafth, Longstaff, Murphy, Almiron and a GCSE student into the Europe. If you think he's not good enough, I hope Mark Lawrenson becomes your step dad.

Imagine telling Craig Bellamy not to mention the war

Transfer windows are a bit like Christmases these days. They usually get us one big special gift (Bruno, Isak, Sandro) and a few smaller ones. Mama, Tosin and Kelly are stocking fillers, so there's no way DCL is the shiny new 5 gears Raleigh Activator. Brace yourselves for the big one, kids. Yasser got stuck up the chimney.

If we're wanting a back up CF on a thrifty deal, I'd rather us sign a kid because Eddie almost guarantees resale value. Drop the big bucks on the RW position. Seems like our way of working anyway.

Sorry for being a bit out of touch but what happened to him? He used to be all smiles and daft carry on, riding Dan Burn like a dinosaur.

I like Joey. He's entertaining. When his Brian Griffin pretendy intellectual routine didn't fool anyone he pivoted to being John Bull, the regular geezer who tells it like it is. Personally, I think he should drop football and politics and just do one of them channels that interview hard bastards about even harder bastards who died in the 90s. I reckon he'd be in his element listening to Sayers talk about how many thumbs he's broken. Think about, Joey.

When Eddie signed, a Bournemouth fan came on here and gave a glowing review of him but I always remember him noting that we'd need to get used to half the squad being injured. Everything he said about Howe was accurate. If Eddie was known for keeping people fit then DCL might be worth it. Unfortunately, I don't think his cheesecake hamstrings will withstand even one Jason Tindall warm up drill.

Mrs Karius is Italy's answer to Lex Fridman. I wouldn't look twice at her in Eldon Square. Mrs Mamadash on the other hand... https://www.youtube.com/@DilettaLeotta

McTominay was only 5'2 when he made his Man United debut so there is a chance.

Jarrod Bowen is tailor-made for the Eddie-press. Would love him. It'd be like kitting Miggy out with a brain and a right leg.