A comprehensive look at our squad and club

[David Icke - Son of God]

Obviously, this isn't completely objective. You've got to take into account my personal prejudices and my own expectations of players.

 

Using a scale of 1-10. 1 being Fumaca, 10 being a non-injured Woodgate and 5 being average.

 

Goalkeepers

Shay Given - In my opinion, still the best 'keeper in the league even if he has looked a bit shakier this season. His kicking is still gash and he still doesn't command his area as well as he should but he stops the ball going in the net when he's able to. Not really much more you can say about him (7/10)

 

Steve Harper - I'm still haunted by the memories of his short spell in the side during Given's injury last season but when BSA called upon him to play earlier this year he looked like the Harper everyone used to say would get into the England squad if he could hold down a first team place. I've never seen a man so happy to waste his career getting a sore arse on the Newcastle bench. Loyalty or lack of ambition? (6)

 

Tim Krul - I haven't seen him but a quick look on a Falkirk messageboard tells you that he's quite liked. It must be hard to carve out a reputation as a decent goalkeeper when your side is conceeding 4 and 5 on a regular basis. The fact he's sticking it out there for the next six months tells me it's a problem with the defence rather than him. (5)

 

Fraser Forster - He's from Hexham. There is no way he's as posh as his name suggests. (-)

 

Defenders

Stephen Carr - If Peggy Mitchell was our manager and not an East End landlady she'd have used her large, cockney gob to shout "Gerr'aaat my club!" at him a long time ago. An abortion of a defender who's main tactic seems to be backing off. (4)

 

Habib Beye - A brilliant signing in a position we sorely needed some investment in. Willing to get forward and support the attack, while he's competent at the back. He looked like he could go either way in his first few games but thankfully, he's shown his class. Gets an extra couple of points for lending his name to one of the best songs in living memory (8)

 

Peter Ramage - Whether it be through injury or through sheer shitness he hasn't been near the first team this season. I expect to see him playing in Yellow and Green before the end of 2008 (3)

 

David Edgar - It seems fashionable to bash our youngsters (see above), but from what i've seen of him he looks competent. Nothing special but worthy of being a squad player at least (5)

 

Steven Taylor - Seems to have regressed and taken up Bramble's mantle of being the most reckless defender at the club. Yes, he's more than willing to walk over hot coals to stop us from conceeding a goal but he needs to calm down. Maybe the England call up went to his head? (5)

 

David Rozehnal - Brilliant against Bolton, but has slowly gotten worse as the season has went on. Maybe the crowds reactions have got to him? I don't know, but it's a shame to see someone who quite clearly had potential to get better at the start of the season get much poorer. Him needing treatment yesterday after he shirked out of a 50/50 sums up his season so far. (4)

 

Cacapa - Started out being our best defender, had a complete 'mare against Pompy but has shown his level headedness and stepped back up. It's quite clear his confidence took at knock but he's shaken off the press' labels of Bramble mk. II and got on with it. (7)

 

Abdoulaye Faye - When we signed him I was at a bit of a loss. We seemed to have enough centre backs and enough centre midfielders so his purchase just smacked of BSA signing a player he quite fancied from his old club. I'm glad he did. The best signing of the season so far. I don't think he's had a bad game yet for us. Fingers crossed we'll get lucky with injuries and when the ANC finishes we can play both him and Cacapa (9)

 

Jose Enrique - Has managed to become the best ever Spaniard to have played for Newcastle while barely setting foot on the pitch. I'm confused as to why BSA seems to do everything in his power to avoid playing him as, along with Cacapa, he looked like the most complete defender in his first few games. He's got enough physically to deal with the Premiership and hasn't dropped any major clangers. We need to see more of him before we can judge him properly (6)

 

Midfielders

James Milner - Committed but i'm not convinced he's ever going to be good enough to be anything more than a half decent winger. His lack of pace and lack of a final ball mean he's frustrating to watch. I actually think Allardyce had a point playing him on the left as it meant he could cut in more, rather than stepover his way to the byline and cross right into the 'keepers hands. (6)

 

Geremi - Has proven at Real Madrid, Boro and Chelsea he's not a poor player, so why is he so shite for us? Just seems to vanish from games, only to reappear when a freekick needs booting into the wall. (4)

 

Emre - Excels at coming off the bench after 70 minutes when everyone knackered and looking half decent, then starting the week after and not getting a touch. I used to think it was bad luck but now I think he can join that long list of players who can't perform to their best because they don't get the time they need in the Premiership (5)

 

Joey Barton - Listen to him in an interview and he'd have you believe that he can't even play Monopoly without being asked to go to jail and not to collect his £200's in the process. Watch him on the pitch and he's a nasty little fucker. I was willing to forgive that as at Citeh he always looked like a nasty little fucker but with a bit of game. Like Geremi, he seems to have left that at his last club. (4)

 

Nicky Butt - I can't believe we nearly let him go. It would've been a disaster. Has for the past two seasons proved his worth by consistantly being the best midfielder at the club. If ever you could tell someone was from Man United's youth set up in the early 90s it's him. (9)

 

Charles N'Zogbia - If we've found out one thing this season it's that he's a good left back. We need to play him in in his prefered position more often, possibly even in the centre. He's one of the few players we've got that can take his man on. Hopefully BSA will take note that Enrique can play left back and let this lad do his thing. (7)

 

Damien Duff - It's baby steps for Damien. He had a shocker last year but in his few games back he's looked decent enough. If Sam can nurse him back to full fitness he could well play a large part in our season. (5)

 

James Troisi - Looks like an Australian Daniel Cordone. (-)

 

Strikers

Obafemi Martins - Patches where he can do no right are quickly becoming his trademark. There's no one else at the club i'd like to see suddenly become world class than him but I can't see it happening. He can't use his pace effectively, his first touch his none existant, his decision making is poor and his finishing seems to go to pot unless he's 30 yards out and needs to fire one like an exocet into the top corner. (6)

 

Michael Owen - Looks like he doesn't want to be here and who can blame him? The only world class striker we've currently got at this club but he's no use if he's injured or playing in a side which creates one decent chance a game? I'd like to see him stay and watch Allardyce build the team around him but that's doubtful (6)

 

Alan Smith - In the same boat as Milner. Committed, but not good enough. His stints in midfield have been awful and the fact he's yet to get off the mark can't be helping his campaign to become one of our first choice strikers. Destined to run around like a headless chicken in midfield getting booked until the end of time, methinks. (5)

 

Mark Viduka - I can see him and Owen carving out a patnership as they've both got the best footballing brains out of our strikers but in a side that doesn't create enough I can't see it happening any time soon. I'm shocked he's scored as many as he has for a player as immobile as he is in a side as inconsistant as we are. (6)

 

Shola Ameobi - "Tonight on Channel 4 a Faking It special, where Foluwashola Ameobi reveals how he managed to masquerade as a professional footballer for nearly 8 years without detection. Don't miss it!" (3)

 

Andy Carroll - His drinking exploits when out with the England u-19s make him sound like he could be another waster. (-)

 

And the others...

Sam Allardyce - Has both rightly and wrongly came under criticism from some of the fans. Some of his team selections have left me scratching my head in disbelief but some people seem to be more than willing to put the noose over his neck and open the trap door, giving the press another Newcastle based story that makes us look like fickle tossers. Should be kept for the rest of the season, and barring a minor miracle involving Jose Mourinho, Mike Ashley and a very persuasive phone call, given beyond that too. (5)

 

Chris Mort - Professional, quiet, smart and seems to be more than willing to build bridges with the fans to make this club one to be proud of. Some many worlds apart from our last incumbent it's frightening. (8)

 

Mike Ashley - The man with the money, and the most well worn Newcastle replica top in the world. All but cleared the debts, has came out of every take over rumour looking even more respectable and seems to have developed a genuine affection for the place. He's done no wrong yet but lets wait until next summer and see how eager he is to get out his cheque book. (8)

[Yorkie]

Fair assessments (i only really looked at the ratings). The only one i'd strongly disagree with is Butt, i'd only have him on about 6. He's an important member of the squad and i'm glad he'll be here next season too, but on the pitch, am i the only one who sees him as inconsistent? I doubt it, he doesn't turn up away from home and although he's put in some blinding performances at home (Everton, Arsenal), it's hardly every week. I like him but he lacks quality.

 

I'd probably give 7s to Owen and Viduka, they're very good players, but other than that - pretty much nail on the head imo. The midfield is so very weak.

[Guest Alan Shearer 9]

ratings of the playing squad are too generous

[Mr. Snrub]

Butt a 9?! 

[Dave]

Butt a 9?! 

 

Though I wouldn't go that far, he's generally been pretty good this season.

[Rich]

Butt a 9?! 

 

Though I wouldn't go that far, he's generally been pretty good this season.

 

Even I'd agree with this.

[hallihg]

Agree with almost everything except:

 

David Rozehnal - I'd give him a 5 (even a 6), because I have belief in him, and I think he will become a decend defender, capable of holding a first team place when the whole team stops playing shite.

 

Nicky Butt - you give him a 9? What team have you been watching. Not total shit in stopping the opponents attacks, but because of his incredible stupidity, he trys long passes in everygame which almost always end out of bounds and I wont even begin ranting about his long shot attempts.

 

[Kimbo]

How on earth is Owen still world class? He wouldn't even get in a top 20 of strikers. Too generous to Smith, Butt, and Cacapa aswell IMO.

[sparta]

butt is way off, he is probably our most incosistent player (as players have been playing s*** for matches straight butt seems to only do this away games)

i would rate him a 6, and if i was big sam, i would limit his performances a bit, play emre on or something else! its quite frustrating to see someone (who many shout out as our main man in midfield) gets outclassed by a central defender (faye)!

 

however i think he has improved a bit under big sam, he can acually do long passes(i wonder if our team has practised that? ), and they seem to hit spot on every time, but his short passing ability is still s***!

 

however, i still like butt! and he is a brilliant squad player, but a 9?? come on

[Beren]

Butt a 9?! 

 

Though I wouldn't go that far, he's generally been pretty good this season.

 

Even I'd agree with this.

 

I wouldn't.

 

I actually thought last season he redeemed himself after his horrendous early form when he first signed, but he's getting on, and isn't particularly good at anything. By all means keep him until we get something better, but I really really really hope he isn't an integral part of Big Sam's plans. Same with a lot of players really(!)

[Guest gggg]

Butt is never a 9. He's at most a 6 and only going backwards.

[Rich]

Butt a 9?! 

 

Though I wouldn't go that far, he's generally been pretty good this season.

 

Even I'd agree with this.

 

I wouldn't.

 

I actually thought last season he redeemed himself after his horrendous early form when he first signed, but he's getting on, and isn't particularly good at anything. By all means keep him until we get something better, but I really really really hope he isn't an integral part of Big Sam's plans. Same with a lot of players really(!)

 

He's been our best central midfielder, though (which I do realise isn't saying much), and has played in almost every game, which is no mean feat at his age. Credit where it's due.

 

I don't like the bloke at all, but I'm not blinkered enough to do him a disservice.

[David Icke - Son of God]

Butt may be suffering from Obafemi Martins syndrome, but I do believe he's been one of our best players this season.

[Beren]

Butt a 9?! 

 

Though I wouldn't go that far, he's generally been pretty good this season.

 

Even I'd agree with this.

 

I wouldn't.

 

I actually thought last season he redeemed himself after his horrendous early form when he first signed, but he's getting on, and isn't particularly good at anything. By all means keep him until we get something better, but I really really really hope he isn't an integral part of Big Sam's plans. Same with a lot of players really(!)

 

He's been our best central midfielder, though (which I do realise isn't saying much), and has played in almost every game, which is no mean feat at his age. Credit where it's due.

 

I don't like the bloke at all, but I'm not blinkered enough to do him a disservice.

 

Fair enough, but the phrase 'pretty good' - especially standing alone - seems[/seemed] to suggest he's[/he'd] been head and shoulders above the rest, and more saliently, good enough to start in central midfield in the long term.

[Rich]

"Pretty good" as in "quite good"?

 

I'm baffled at that, I took it to mean that he's been above average most of the time, which is fair enough.

 

"Excellent", "Great" or "Brilliant" would surely have been the chosen verbatum otherwise!?

[Beren]

That's the problem with language [and the internet]. Words are mainly symbols that mean different things to different people. 'Pretty good' is pretty darn good in my book, for instance.

[Skeletor]

Butt's been a non-entity away from home. Deserves about a 6 at most overall.

[AliGupter]

Butt deserves a 1 for his performance in that Birmingham match last season.

 

He has been quite good this season though, at least he tries.

[NUFC06]

Butt deserves a 1 for his performance in that Birmingham match last season.

 

He has been quite good this season though, at least he tries.

 

And he deserves 0.5 for the last 2 games he played for us.

He was shocking.

He is trying to be our playmaker ,to give the final ball,with some of his displays at times where just hilarious.

Someone(in this case Allardyce)needs to tell him that he must take away the ball from the opponents and then to pass it to someone with a black&white shirt and not to give it every time to the opponents.

Butt is a good DM,even at his age he is covering alot of ground and still has energy in him,its just that he is not capable of creating sometihing spectacular.

Thats why we need some good creative CM or AM to play in front of him.Someone like Diego for example.I know we dont have a chance to sign him but im giving just an example.

[Guest teepee]

i don't agree with the butt grade either.

 

and then i find it interesting, to say the least, that you rate edgar as highly as taylor and above rozenhal

 

and if you rate give as the best keeper in the league how is he only a 7? (that aside, i think reina, cech and van der saar are all better than shay)

[Crumpy Gunt]

Cacapa - more than 1 FFS?

[toptoon]

A few wrong uns stood out to me like sore thumbs. Firstly giving Taylor a 5 and cacapa a 7 gives me the impression you may be one of those very pro foriegn managers and players. If anything its Taylor 7 and Cacapa 5.

 

Butt is a 7 at the absolute most. His passing is very wayward.

 

The rest are pretty much right, within a point of their scores imo. Athough i'd point out that Shay is an 8 imo and in previous seasons has been 9.

[Colos Short and Curlies]

Obviously, this isn't completely objective. You've got to take into account my personal prejudices and my own expectations of players.

 

Using a scale of 1-10. 1 being Fumaca, 10 being a non-injured Woodgate and 5 being average.

 

Goalkeepers

Tim Krul - I haven't seen him but a quick look on a Falkirk messageboard tells you that he's quite liked. It must be hard to carve out a reputation as a decent goalkeeper when your side is conceeding 4 and 5 on a regular basis. The fact he's sticking it out there for the next six months tells me it's a problem with the defence rather than him. (5)

 

Blatently only saw his first few results.

 

Check out Falkirks recent run, in a very respectable position now

[mozy]

taylor = new bramble?

 

no

[Dokko]

Goalkeepers

 

Shay Given -  (7/10)

 

Steve Harper - (5)

 

Tim Krul - (-)

 

Fraser Forster - (-)

 

Defenders

 

Stephen Carr - (1)

 

Habib Beye - (7)

 

Peter Ramage - (3)

 

David Edgar - (-)

 

Steven Taylor -(6)

 

David Rozehnal - (4)

 

Cacapa - (4)

 

Abdoulaye Faye - (7)

 

Jose Enrique - (-)

 

Midfielders

 

James Milner -(6)

 

Geremi - (4)

 

Emre - (5)

 

Joey Barton - (2) - inc off field

 

Nicky Butt - (5)

 

Charles N'Zogbia -(7)

 

Damien Duff - (5)

 

James Troisi - (-)

 

Strikers

 

Obafemi Martins - (6)

 

Michael Owen - (5)

 

Alan Smith - (3)

 

Mark Viduka - (5)

 

Shola Ameobi - (3)

 

Andy Carroll - (-)

 

And the others...

 

Sam Allardyce - (2)

 

Chris Mort - (7)

 

Mike Ashley - (6)