Open Wide For Some Soccer!

[Deuce]

Not sure how it was possible to put so many words in my mouth. Quite impressive.

 

The US are a mediocre team. Along with Portugal, Ghana, Italy, Uruguay, England, Spain and Belgium. None of these are great teams. The only surprise to me there is that Spain have underperformed quite so much, and then Netherlands have done as well as they have.

 

Don't give a shit about your greater narrative about being an unnecessarily defensive American, it is irrelevant and has nothing to do with the current US national team being "great".

 

As I said, I digressed a lot. It was more a running train of thought than a direct response to your post.

 

We really need to re-evaluate the...evaluation...process if those teams are "mediocre", because you've just described the meat of teams in the tournament, half of whom will advance to the knockout stages and have a chance of progressing deep. Mediocre by what standard? It's the same kind of thinking that puts any player on a dichotomy from "world class" to "shit," a mindset that plagues this forum. Not much room for subtlety there and certainly no room for debate. Partly why the football side of this forum is so poor during football season.

 

And the mentality of American fans is intrinsically connected to how the team performs and is perceived. Small-time thinking breeds small-time play. Now, there's a fine line between being realistic and being overly biased, but no one is out there clamoring about the U.S. being the 'best team eva' (and if they are, they're idiots). But this tournament should prove that the U.S. is capable of playing at a high level against very good teams and advancing out of difficult groups. And everyone should be disappointed if the U.S. goes home on 4 points given how things have shaken out.

[Belfast Mags]

Why?

 

Tier 1 - Newcastle United fans

Tier 2 - Other Clubs fans

Tier 3 - Manchester United fan introduced by Decky

 

Actually that last bit might make you a Tier 4

 

 

[Deuce]

Teams are 0-4 in the next game after playing in Manaus. Doesn't bode well for the U.S., or Portugal.

[Rich]

Won't get muted like me though.

 

Disco and Greg don't like you. Get over it

[Froggy]

Won't get muted like me though.

 

Disco and Greg don't like you. Get over it

 

I thought it was Disco and Wullie. Whoops.

[Kaizero]

Why?

 

[Deuce]

U.S. v. Germany preview: http://theshinguardian.com/2014/06/25/tsgs-usa-vs-germany-friends-in-low-places/

 

 

Please, not in the face, Germany.

[Mike]

http://media.giphy.com/media/LRVnPYqM8DLag/giphy.gif

 

Hoping we do well just to keep feeling like this for the rest of the month. Fuck is the point.

[Rich]

I remember when I used to feel.

[B-more Mag]

I'm bricking it. All the weirdness around today's games doesn't help.

[AyeDubbleYoo]

I remember when I used to feel.

 

Hold on to that feeling, when it is gone you are truly lost.

[Coco]

http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/

 

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

 

• Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

 

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

 

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

 

• Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

 

• No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

 

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties — and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

 

• The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

 

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

 

• You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

 

• I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

 

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

 

• It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

 

• Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

 

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

 

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

 

• Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear — again about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

 

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

 

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

 

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

 

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

 

What the fuck is this shit?

[chicago_shearer]

The Hulk Hogan video and the prospect of a two hour lunch break have swung this for me. Go team USA. Remember: don't look the Germans in the eye because they can sense fear. And cross fingers for a Soviet linesman.

[B-more Mag]

http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/

 

What the fuck is this shit?

 

It's Ann Coulter, man. She's the American conservative equivalent of that girl who sucks dick to get attention.

[CaliMag]

You quoted Ann fucking Coulter what did you expect?

[SEMTEX]

http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/

 

What the fuck is this shit?

 

It's Ann Coulter, man. She's the American conservative equivalent of that girl who sucks dick to get attention.

 

Where can I find this girl?

[B-more Mag]

http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/

 

What the fuck is this shit?

 

It's Ann Coulter, man. She's the American conservative equivalent of that girl who sucks dick to get attention.

 

Where can I find this girl?

 

Temple should have a fair few. U Penn should have some, as well, if you're up for the more intellectual insecure girl. Should be plenty at Penn State and Pitt if you want to go that far out.

[Rich]

 

Had to see this for myself. Want you to win now.

[Deuce]

You quoted Ann fucking Coulter what did you expect?

 

Trying to think of a British equivalent, but I don't think they have people on that level of depravity.

[B-more Mag]

Watch game in conference room with coworkers who know nothing about football and will be there mainly for free pizza and no work vs. going home and watching in peace?

[Deuce]

Watch game in conference room with coworkers who know nothing about football and will be there mainly for free pizza and no work vs. going home and watching in peace?

 

No amount of free pizza could make-up for all the ridiculous bullshit you'll likely hear.

[SEMTEX]

Pizza? lucky guy. I'm not getting shit.

[Ameritoon]

Decided to stay in and watch both games instead of going to Grant Park again. I don't think I could handle the excitement/disappointment, my body might just combust at any moment.

[gazza ladra]

A decent observation from one of the commentators on the Shinguardian preview.

One more thing yall, and then I’ll hush up (I’m excited/antsy and over-rationalizing!)

 

The USA and Ghana have played a combined 15 consecutive World Cup games that were either tied or won/lost by a single goal. No +-1 scenario eliminates USA w/o tiebreakers. The most dangerous is “GER+1 , GHA +1″ in which case we just have to score more than Ghana (time to bust out the “vier vor drei” (4-3) shirts!)

 

USA|| consecutive draw/+-1 results

1) 1-1 v ITA

2) 1-2 v GHA

3) 1-1 v ENG

4) 2-2 v SLO

5) 1-0 v ALG

6) 1-2 v GHA

7) 2-1 v GHA

8) 2-2 v POR

 

Ghana|| consecutive draw/+-1 results

1) 1-0 v SRB

2) 1-1 v AUS

3) 0-1 v GER

4) 2-1 v USA

5) 1-1 v URU

6) 1-2 v USA

7) 2-2 v GER

 

Gives me some hope. We can lose and still go through-- provided both games are decided by single goal, correct?

[Deuce]

A decent observation from one of the commentators on the Shinguardian preview.

One more thing yall, and then I’ll hush up (I’m excited/antsy and over-rationalizing!)

 

The USA and Ghana have played a combined 15 consecutive World Cup games that were either tied or won/lost by a single goal. No +-1 scenario eliminates USA w/o tiebreakers. The most dangerous is “GER+1 , GHA +1″ in which case we just have to score more than Ghana (time to bust out the “vier vor drei” (4-3) shirts!)

 

USA|| consecutive draw/+-1 results

1) 1-1 v ITA

2) 1-2 v GHA

3) 1-1 v ENG

4) 2-2 v SLO

5) 1-0 v ALG

6) 1-2 v GHA

7) 2-1 v GHA

8) 2-2 v POR

 

Ghana|| consecutive draw/+-1 results

1) 1-0 v SRB

2) 1-1 v AUS

3) 0-1 v GER

4) 2-1 v USA

5) 1-1 v URU

6) 1-2 v USA

7) 2-2 v GER

 

Gives me some hope. We can lose and still go through-- provided both games are decided by single goal, correct?

 

If we lose by 1 and Ghana wins by 1 and both games have the same score (i.e. 0-1, 1-0; 1-2, 2-1), it'll go to a coin toss. Ghana wins by any more than we lose by, they're through.