BlueStar

There was an N64 game where all the players had been given a speed value of something between like 60 and 99, but due to a bug Bryan Robson (then player-manager at Boro) had been given a speed value of 6 instead of 60, and so if you played him he would move at an i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-y slow speed, including when going to take set peices or anything and the game would just grind to a halt as this old guy slowly shuffled towards the ball for 7 minutes.

Christ, they've trimmed 6 stone off his body but left his head the same size, so his head is as big as his torso.

This would work better to September by Earth, Wind and FIre. Cris-tiano! We all still remember Cris-tiano! You're a sex offender Cris-tiano! You really should be put awaaaaay 1-2-3-4

“We were ten seconds away at Southampton. And if we had took them two extra points we would be sitting on five or six, in mid-table, thinking ‘not a bad start'. We’ve got to still work at it." Maths with Steve. 2 + 2 = 6.

Just found out my dad played 5-a-side tonight. He's nearly 70, the mad bastard. Know he has a reputation of being a good striker, he reckons he scored "four or five" tonight. He was out injured for a few months before covid anyway after someone knacked his ankle with a late tackle, so must be a few years since he took to he pitch. Missed it so much during lockdown he would play in his sleep, including one incident where he booted my mum out of bed trying to put his laces through a volley. Worst thing was after she calmed down he had to tell her he hadn't scored it anyway, and in his dream it went over the bar. His target is to beat the record of the guy who started the team, who retired at 73. I remember as a kid when he was in trouble cos he woke my mum up at 2am to tell her he'd won the double with Newcastle on Kevin Toms' Football Manager on the Commodore 64.

What if the UEFA Champions League had an anime opening?

He came up with that stupid plane banner when the mackems went down didn't he? Started as just a jibe, then tried to turn it into some kind of tribute to that bairn of theirs with cancer, followed by a jibe. Was a low point.

Is #nufc Twitter orders of magnitude worse that other clubs? I know it's awful but until recently I thought to an extent that's just football twitter. I rarely interact with football stuff on it and for the last six months Twitter thought I was an Everton fan for some reason and I'd get "Suggested for you" notifications of #efc tweets, all of which were so bland I barely registered them. Someone might be injured. What a goal from this academy player. Well known fan has died, very sad. The evil algorithms have recently worked out I'm a Newcastle fan and the "suggested for you" alerts I'm getting are absolute weaponised AIDS. Here are my last three, some shite from Burnsie, a massively obvious lie from a nobody about the takeover being done and Steve Wraith saying he isn't a nonce.

"Riot" ffs

He's lucked out in ASM and to an extent Wilson and Willock in that they're self motivating players who are happy with the freedom of not being told what to do. Unfortunately the rest of the squad need some motivating and at leaast some form of organising so they know, for insstance, if there's a stationary ball in the penalty area which one of them should be dealing with it instead of staring at it blankly while Raphinha bears down on it from miles away.

Only just seen this, what an inspiring man. Imagine being a player and being asked to join Bruce on his ambitious but doomed project to keep stagnant Newcastle exactly where they are. You too can come and be part of the squad that will hopefully keep it ticking along.

Match thread now, please

Home: Darlow, Manquillo, Hayden, Lascelles, Clark, Ritchie, Longstaff, Willock, Almiron, Saint-Maximin, Joelinton Subs: Gillespie, Schar, Fernandez, Krafth, Lewis, Hendrick, Fraser, Murphy, Gayle Away: Meslier, Ayling, Firpo, Cooper, Dallas, Phillips, Klich, James, Raphinha, Rodrigo, Bamford. Subs: Klaesson, Cresswell, Shackleton, Kenneh, McCarron, Summerville, McKinstry, Greenwood, Roberts. Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral) Attendance: - Current score: 1-1 13' Raphinha 44' Saint-Maximin Booked: Ritchie Almiron Sent off: Television coverage: Sky Sports Radio coverage: BBC Radio 5 Live, BBC Radio Newcastle. Online radio coverage in the UK: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/bbc_radio_five_live/ Online radio coverage outside the UK: https://www.nufc.co.uk/liveaudio.html PLEASE DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISCUSS, REQUEST OR PROVIDE LINKS TO ILLEGAL MATCH STREAMS. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL BE BANNED.

Can't catch a break

Match thread now, masochists.

Manchester United: De Gea, Wan-Bissaka, Varane, Maguire, Shaw, Pogba, Matic, Greenwood, Fernandes, Sancho, Ronaldo Subs: Heaton, Lindelof, Bailly, Dalot, van de Beek, Mata, Lingard, Fred, Martial NUFC: Woodman, Manquillo, Hayden, Lascelles, Clark, Ritchie, Longstaff, Willock, Almiron, Saint-Maximin, Joelinton Subs: Darlow, Schar, Lewis, Hendrick, Krafth, Fernandez, Murphy, Gayle, White. Referee: Anthony Taylor (Cheshire) Attendance: Final score: 4-1 45'+2, 62' Ronaldo 56' Manquillo 80' Fernandes 90 +2' Lingard Booked: Pogba Sent off: Television coverage: None. Radio coverage: BBC Radio 5 Live, BBC Radio Newcastle. Online radio coverage in the UK:http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/bbc_radio_five_live/ Online radio coverage outside the UK: https://www.nufc.co.uk/liveaudio.html PLEASE DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISCUSS, REQUEST OR PROVIDE LINKS TO ILLEGAL MATCH STREAMS. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL BE BANNED. .

Our team is more like Soccer AIDS.

"Braveheart, pull your maddest cowie face"

"According to the Sun", so probably bollocks, but https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/benjamin-mendy-prison-rape-case-24881343

Jenas getting rinsed by Lee Mack on the One Show was good value. Showed a clip of him missing a penalty in some cleb match, asked if they were going to show the clip of Jenas attempting the chip in our pre-season match. Then "Look, I'm a 53-year-old stand-up comedian, asking me to take a penalty is like asking an ex-footballer to do entertainment, it's only going to end in disaster."

Booed when he touched the ball, "We want Brucey out" and "fat mackem bastard" chants and we weren't even behind at any point. Gonna get good when we get a hammering.