James

Pardew has a book about Bruce Grobelaar going round and shagging loads of birds in his bookcase.

Would anyone honestly say that if they were on a £60,000 contract and no-one else wanted you, they'd take a pay cut?

To be honest, in all sports, dopers should not be allowed to manage/coach the next generation of sports people. So morally he should not be managing Barca or anyone.

If they play a 3 man defence they will be totally anhillated.

Before Stoke I predicted that we would get 7 points in our last 5 games, meaning Spurs would need 7 and Chelsea 9. There is justifiable reason to upgrade that prediction, but Chelsea now need 8 and Spurs 7 still.

Messi and Ronaldo.

WE WANT MAN UTD TO WIN THIS GAME, IF MAN UTD BEAT EVERTON, THEN THEY WILL WIN THE LEAGUE IF THEY BEAT MAN CITY WHICH MEANS THAT MAN CITY DON'T HAVE THE LEAGUE TO PLAY FOR WHEN WE PLAY THEM.

Have you heard of something that happens when players don't score...I think it is called a draw.

His goals have won us 13 points ffs That's if you take away his goals in games we would have won without his contribution, looking at them in hindsight. Ridiculous. It is 11. Without Villa goal it would have been a draw, so he earned 2 points. Without Wolves goal it would have been a defeat so he earned 1 point. Without Norwich goal it would have been a draw, so he earned 2 points. Without West Brom Goals it would have been a draw, so he earned 2 points. Without Liverpool goals it would have been a draw, so earned 2 points. Without Swansea goals it would have been a draw, so earned 2 points. We would have beaten Stoke and Bolton regardless of whether he scored. So that makes 11 points which means you are shit at maths.

I make it 11.

It was much worse, just didn't lead to a goal. There were no NUFC players within 15 metres of where the ball landed.

Although I loved his performance today, please can I request that he is forbidden from taking throw-ins after today's horrific effort that was probably the worst throw in the PL has ever seen.

There was only two really dreadful pass and that was Ben Arfa for each, a throw in and a backpass that might have led to counter attacks had we not been switched on elsewhere. Not meaning to criticise though as he was great again.

Who are Liverpool?

It was like having two Tiotes

His touch and passing was twice as good as anyone else on the pitch. Cisse, Ba, Cabaye, Tiote, Jonas, Colo made some outstanding touches and passes.

I think central midfield is his best position and he's been waiting years for someone to unlock that potential.

We only really played 4231 straight after the kickoffs. All of the front 6 took it in turn to play wingers, strikers and holding midfielders.

What the fuck where the fans doing, they looked like they had one of those long dance chains going round their block. We were singing "What the fucking hell is that?"

On my way back from game. Most one sided Newcastle win I have seen in the flesh. The midfield and attack just roamed with confidence and the defence defended perfectly.

The board have a policy against player testimonials don't they? Given, Harper and Shola all signed away their rights to a testimonial and were instead given VIP charity events.

What happens if you read blue and red writing with those glasses? Will the 3d be so intense it tattoos sports direct into your brain?

Poor girl has been raped by an evil man end of story. Goals scored, transfer fee, whether we nearly signed him, and Liverpool fans are all irrelevant.

Just for some Where's Wally fun, if anyone spots me at the game tomorrow and says hello I will give you a tangfastic.

Was he still with us at Palermo?