Shak

The density of the sand.

Entirely possible to play a bunker shot with a 9-iron tbh.

at neesy btw, that made no sense.

Just stay awake drinking whiskey for the night until kick off, it can't fail.

Dropping Cisse. Another cameo today, for sure.

7pm kick off for me, the lass was on about going somewhere nice for dinner this evening.

You joke, but he had had corner flags made with the Sports Direct logo on. He would have got away with it too if it hadn't been for those pesky kids at the FA telling him he wasn't allowed. Club crest or nothing on corner flags. I honestly wasn't joking, I could see him trying to do it. Surely there are regulations against it though?

Can only laugh at this point. AIDS. Are there regulations against having it painted on the grass during matches? Could see him pushing for that tbh.

Yeah, how the fuck are we supposed to know what's happened?! We need answers Dave, answers!!

It's all a scheme to distract us from 'teh hoofball!!' We'll be too busy celebrating these contracts that we won't notice!

Just wonderful. Beat these scabby tits tomorrow now and it'll be a perfect weekend.

Marvelous, delighted we've wrapped him up long term.

Superb. Now off I go before the lass kills me.

I'm meeting my lass three minutes ago... it's ten minutes away and neither of us have phones.

3 year extension for Shola and a 5 year deal for Simpson, I'm hearing.

Thought Pardew said he thought we were good against Wolves? Anyway, hope Taylor does score another cracker if he does start this weekend, don't think he should be starting for us honestly but he's earned the affection of the fans with that goal in August. We better fucking beat these.

Raylor looking sad in the background.

Aye, I'll have to wait and see. I do think the amount of long ball increased significantly after Steven Taylor went down, which is part of the reason for my optimism in this regard. But yeah, I'm not massively confident, just think he deserves a chance before we throw him under the bus for his lack of style.

Like him a lot, wish he'd play a bit further forward though. He's being wasted playing so deep, especially when he has a colossus like Tiote playing in midfield which should allow him a lot of freedom to get forward.

We don't play a complete long ball style, I've seen people compare it to Allardyce football which I think is going way too far. I think the problem however is that we seem to be using more and more long ball as the season goes on. Pardew was full of talk at the start of the year about creating a pass and move style of football, but if anything we've gotten less fluid as the year has gone on. We seem to be regressing as a footballing side, which understandably has people frustrated. I think that Williamson and Simpson are big problems, they're both hopeless with the ball at their feet. Would Pardew instruct Krul to play it short more if we had a back four like Santon Colo Saylor Enrique for instance? I'm inclined to think he would, and I reckon he deserves time to show it next year with (hopefully) some better options than Williamson and Simpson in the team. I'm not excusing him for our poor football of late though. There are still plenty of good players in the team, we should be able to play much better stuff than we did last week. Cabaye is being horribly utilised, and the wide men aren't taking up good positions at all. Quite often there isn't much else we can do other than hoof it long, simply because our movement off the ball is so poor. That's on Pardew.

He'll be a very easy guy for people to turn on if the results do go to shit. Doesn't come across well at all in the press.

Jesus, that's some serious guff.

As if he gets jetlag anyway, if anything the planes probably need a few days to get back to normal after bringing him anywhere.