Chris_R

So who is Ishmael on OTF2?

This is only resolved because the casino photos have made his "stance" completely untenable and shown it to be nothing more than a blatant and groundless attempt to engineer a move. So whilst he's been forced to back down over this because he was starting to look stupid, let's not kid ourselves that the underlying issues have suddenly vanished, because they won't have.

Our normal midfield 3 is Cabaye, Tiote and Jonas. It scares the living hell out of me that Pardew seems to only see dropping Tiote or Cabaye as an option to get Sissoko in there.

Thanks for that insightful summary. Most helpful.

Really? If Williamson goes we're a Stevie Taylor injury away from having only 2 established centre backs at the club. Look, there's 2 "If"s in your statement there which completely undermine any point you were trying to make. Williamson is still here, Taylor is not injured. You can't start getting in a flap about what might happen if both of those situations change. Deal with how things are, not how they might be in some mythical alternate universe.

The fee we get for him is fucking irrelevant - It's what we do after he leaves that's important. Those saying "I'd take £25m" - You do realise that you personally won't get any of that, yes?

Knowing our luck it'll fall through and he'll sign a new 5-year contract.

Just lost it at that. Excellent.

Think it was a fucking brilliant signing for him. He's been raking in £25k/week for doing sod all. He hit the jackpot when he signed because he's clearly never been good enough to justify either the move or the wages that came with it. FWIW I don't hold that against him for a moment. We took a chance, it didn't work out. Feel very "meh" about his entire time with us.

If Ben Arfa signs a new deal, the amount of celebratory jizz that would spew forth from the collective Geordie nut sacks would be enough to drown Joe Kinnear. Just saying... :shrug:

I think this is very true. We seem to have very strict criteria for our players: Under 26 and cheap (release fee / free transfers preferred). Now there's fucktons of cheap, U26 players. But not a lot of good, cheap, U26 players. Normally if you want good and young you pay lots, or you pay less and get someone good and old. Trying to match all 3 criteria is not easy. He gets close a lot of the time, but I think it's hard to criticise him for not matching all 3 categories to the max every single time.

Carr to be recalled from his continental scouting trips and sent to scour league 2 for the next Dean Holdsworth.

That article is just ridiculous. I mean, as if you could fly to Mexico from Durham Tees Valley.

How can the bid collapse? IIRC, their bid added up to fuck all. There's nothing to collapse. It's akin to me declaring I've given up on my attempts to woo Natalie Portman by doing nothing more constructive than occasionally thinking about her when I have a wank.

Thing is it's not even something that's especially easy to fuck up, either. Blow jobs, by their nature, are fucking brilliant. To give such a horrid one really takes some doing. It seemed like she thought she'd heard of some erogenous zone that the rest of humanity had somehow overlooked, so instead of doing the traditional "sucking of the cock" part of the blowjob she just spent the entire video licking away at his japs eye, then finally flopping one tit out when she realised it was going wrong as if that would miraculously rescue the situation. Baffling.

IIRC she didn't "get her tits out", she just half-heartedly flop one tit out, in a pretty poor attempt to rescue what was an already farcical blowjob. She's fit, and because of that she should be able to get a man off with minimum effort. But that redefined the concept of minimum effort and I'd have stopped her and gone and finished myself off. It really was a shameful performance.

It's come about because Cisse has said he's sick of playing up front and wants to play right-wing more.

In this league, you have to invest just to stand still. I hope they realise that buying nobody will not even keep us where we are, and where we are is bloody sixteenth in the table.

Having a top scout is all well and done, but they still ultimately need to try to attract people to Mordor-on-Wear. It's not exactly Milan ffs.

CBA to read back to far but Williamson is 6'4" according to wiki. Probably explains why our set penises have been so fantastic when launched to his bonce...

Fixed.

No he isn't Premier League experience is a load of tripe. Competence matters. Ability. Did we, as a PL team, lose to Benfica because they had more Premier League experience than us? No. Would you expect Barcelona to struggle in the PL because Messi & co haven't got Premier League experience? Of course not. To flip it round, did Michu play so well last season because of his vast PL experience? No. It's a smokescreen. Another lazy lie to disguise the real reason we've been horrid all season.

Well, he'll sure as fuck have an opportunity to have a stormer. But whether he has one, or instead has to retire due to a back injury from all the bending down and picking the ball out of the net remains to be seen. As for Ashley's gesture.... It's not that much of a gesture at all. Look at the league table. You can chuck a hat over the bottom half of the table. If we win, he'll make far more back in prize money than it'll cost him.

He's decent as backup, but I'd not want him in the first team long-term. No problem if he stays or goes tbh. He's done a job, hasn't cost much, could continue to do a job or could be replaced easily enough.

Anyone who thinks selling Cabaye is even remotely sensible deserves to watch a season of Dan Gosling getting what we'll hear about as his "long awaited chance". You're all fucking mad. We'll either replace Cabaye badly or not fucking replace him at all. He's the best midfielder we've had since Gary Speed.