Pilko

Almost a McBride own goal. Corner II: Faye with an overhead kick the runs across the goal line!!!!

Owen shoots, Keller saves. Corner kick.

Here comes a Geremi corner... BEATS THE FIRST MAN

Keller saves.

VIDUKA!!!

Hopefully we'll win 32-0

I take it no-one really knows what he does then? Would love to see him booted out on his arse, into the dole queue.

Hopefully Edgar and Carroll will get first-team camoes today

Usually leaks about 40 minutes before kickoff.

Getting to the time now where the stadium DJ will roll out Chelsea Dagger?

It's blinding sunshine here in Whitley Bay. Had no idea to was snowing.

I still can't decide why we still employ this muppet. He's not a coach, not an assistant manager and not really a proper scout. So what does he do, considering he's getting paid? Here are my suggestions: 1) Club's resident bookies runner / tab seller 2) Gives the players a laugh on the training ground 3) Club's feather duster, uses his tash of course 4) Cuts the oranges and carries the water 5) Writes the subs name on the piece of paper and gives it to the fourth official Unless anyone knows his job title or what he actually does?

Boa Morte plays for West Ham now

My match prediction is 4-2 to Newcastle. Goals from Geremi, Martins, Owen and Enrique. Bullard and Hangeland to score for Fulham.

Don't you dare mark him on effort. Smith is exactly the same, he tries hard but is crap. Keegan could sign me, I'd play my heart out, but I'd be crap and out of my depth. Don't you see that skill and ability is more important than guts and effort? To be a good player, you need both of them however, but ability comes first.

Wasn't picked in the squad due to his long injury layoff - when the squad was announced he was still out.

Great news. Hopefully a new contract will be on the table soon.

Urgh, he's a terrible player. No thanks.

Not a clue what's gonna happen. I'm just gonna switch on the radio at 2pm and sit there until 5pm. Hoping. Waiting. And ultimatley, crying?

Good thing Smith is having a spell on the bench, then. Remember the one he scored here for Wigan?

Viduka can hold the ball up for Owen or Martins to run onto. It will work, given a few games. Trust me.

I saw fans pissing off after 15 minutes of Portsmouth (h), so no sh!t.

Barton does really well to win the ball, only to pass it back to the opposition. Shit player.

First time I've thought that since the Spurs (H) game. Honestly.