Pilko

Watching Pattison play in that pre-season game against Hull (esentially Geremi, Zog, Harper and Martins plus loads of academy and reserve players) was one of the most frustrating moments of my life. He would win the ball, then give it away. Or attempt a Hollywood ball that would go into the stands. Troisi, Carroll, Edgar and similar had average games but might as well have been World Players of the Year compared to Fat Party. Plus, I remember Faye cleverly headed the ball back across goal for Bramble to volley us into the Intertwobob Cup, so I voted for Pattison.

Andy Reid - £4m Michael Chopra - £5m Kenwyne Jones - £6m Losing the derby due to having a Championship quality squad - PRICELESS! There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Niall Quinn's MasterCard.

You could say the same about James at Portsmouth. Except you'd still be talking out of your arse.

10:20pm - BBC1

Most of them decided to have a cheeky tug over the Rottweilers they smuggled in, rather than watch their side be dismantled.

This.

Darren Bent isn't that good man.

He couldn't watch the game properly, he cringed and looked away every time Faye or Taylor played a pass along the ground.

If only we could have slipped another 23 past the mackems and we'd be above Spurs.

From the skysports live commentary, what game was he watching?

Andy Carroll on Dukes off.

They're 2-0 down in a huge game on the back of an awful 1st half performance, what were you expecting? It's just a spell we need to see through and we're doing so pretty comfortably at the moment. What? This is Newcastle Sunderland ffs. I´m expecting us to display our superiority, not sit back and soak up pressure. This second half reminds me of Allardyce, or am I not allowed to criticise the team now King Kev´s in charge? Didn't you get the memo?

Bench is thin. Swap Viduka for Carroll, and it won't be thin for much longer

No options to vote for Carroll, LuaLua or Edgar? Shambles tbh.

Edwards going off, after they had a good start. Richardson on.

If we can keep it at 2-0 until round about the hour mark, this would be the perfect situation to introduce Andy Carroll for Viduka.

The bloke with the head that looks like the FA Cup, Higginbotham. OWEN SCORES!

What odds at Paul McShane being hauled off at half-time?

I don't think I've heard Andy Reid or Darryl Murphy have a kick since the first ten minutes.

Beye with a shot, Gordon saves

McShane own goal, ruled out.

OWEN!!!!

No point even having Smith on there ffs, some numb-nuts will just vote him for attention. Voted Beye.

came in here to say something similar

A fleeting cameo from Matthew Pattison http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/73/Fat_bastard.jpeg/225px-Fat_bastard.jpeg